you carry the sun in your hands for me
by rubberglue
Summary: Arthur is dead and Guinevere is ruling Camelot on her own. Her council distrusts her, the neighbouring kingdoms think she's pushover and there's a gulf between her and the recently returned Merlin. Then news arrives that a mysterious stranger resembling the late Arthur has been found in a small village.
1. Prologue

Her eyes swept over the busy courtyard, her hand playing with the ring that now hung around her neck, wondering with a touch of bitterness how the world seemed to be carrying on as usual, as if it hadn't been just a week since Arthur died and killed a part of her.

"My lady?"

Blinking back the hot tears that had gathered at the edge of her eyes, Gwen plastered a smile on her face and turned to her door. "Sir Percival."

"There's news from the borders."

Gwen sighed, pushing down the dread that churned in her stomach. "More bad news?"

He dipped his head. "I'm afraid so. Skirmishes but there's fear that this might lead to more."

"That's what the council thinks. What do you think?"

That moment of hesitation was not a good sign. "I agree with the council. Some of the kingdoms are testing your will. Some are unhappy that you've made magic legal."

Just as she suspected as well. "Thank you. If you'll put the reports on my table, I'll look at them later."

"Gwen," Percival put a hand on her shoulder, his touch strong and calm. "To Leon and me, you are more than just Queen. You are our friend. Don't forget that." With those words, he returned her smile and left her room.

The loneliness that had been temporarily lifted by Percy's presence settled in her heart once more.

* * *

AN: Sorry for the teaser! :p


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing he was aware of was the blinding pain in his head. Then it was the confusion. He was clearly lying in a forest but he wasn't sure why. His eyes felt heavy and crusted, as if he hadn't opened them in days and his body ached. Something major must have happened to him but it troubled him that he had no idea what. Groaning, he struggled to open his eyes and sit up. As his hands searched for purchase on the damp ground, one of them hit something metal. A sword. Before he could contemplate what that meant, he heard voices. Immediately, his fingers curled around the hilt.

They pounced. With an instinct born of an experienced fighter, he jumped to his feet and easily disarmed the three men who came at him, his sword pointing at one of their throats.

"Go," he snapped, increasing the pressure of the sword tip against the man's throat. Without a word, the three men scrambled away. He watched them leave, then swung the sword he held experimentally, slightly amazed at how natural it felt. Then it struck him, he had no idea why he was so good with a sword. Actually, he had no idea who he was. He frowned, struggling to recall his name - surely he knew his own name.

He didn't.

Panic started to rise in him but he tempered it, sucking in deep breaths of the crisp forest air that was both familiar and foreign to him. Panicking would not help, he told himself firmly. A clear head was what he needed. He looked around the forest, wondering if there were anymore clues to his identity, anything that would suggest who he was. His skill with the sword suggested he was some sort of swordsman, maybe a mercenary or even a knight. He was kitted out in armour and the sword he had was of exquisite quality although how he knew that, he wasn't sure.

Rustling some distance away caught his attention and the dangerous situation he was in dawned on him. He glanced at the sky, noting that the sun was sinking. Aware that surviving a night in the forest alone was risky, he decided to keep moving. With some luck, he might come across a bit of civilisation - somewhere he could rest with some measure of safety.

Apparently, not only was he handy with a sword, he had tracking skills. He might not know his name but he definitely knew how to find his way through a forest. Used trails, scuffs, marks on the barks of trees and a stream he stumbled across helped him find his way to a clearing where a tavern stood. As he stood on the edge of the clearing, fat drops of water splashed onto his shoulders. The deep rumbling that followed got him moving again, darting into the tavern just as the skies broke.

A tavern, he knew, was a hive of merriment and chatter but when he shut the door, he was met only with silence. It seemed that strangers weren't a common sight here.

"Hello there," a voice boomed out from the back.

He eased himself through the maze of tables, ignoring the people staring at him with blatant curiosity.

"Hello stranger. What brings you to my tavern today?" A plump woman leaned across the counter, a wide smile on her round face. The woman's friendly demeanor towards him must have placated her customers as the chatter began and he was no longer at the center of everyone's attention. "Sorry about that," her friendly voice a contrast to the hard lines on her face and the keen glint in her eyes. "I'm Muriel, owner of this fine establishment. It's not everyday we have someone dressed in full battle gear come in from the storm." The wind shrieked in the background, the windows and door rattling against its assault. The woman chuckled at his expression. "You must be new around here. These summer storms are common this time of the year."

"I just need shelter for a night and maybe a job."

Amusement filled the woman's face and a dark brow rose. "A job? Now why would I just give you, someone I don't know, a job?"

"I'll do anything. All I need is a dry place to rest my head tonight."

"Anything?"

He nodded. "Anything."

The woman looked him up and down. "You look like a fit lad and I could always use some muscles. I do have a lot of junk in the barn that I need moved." She grinned. "Don't worry. I'm not going to ask you to do it tonight. You look like you could do with a rest. And maybe an ale." She turned to the back of the tavern and yelled, "Amber!"

A young girl, no older than ten, scurried down the staircase.

"Show this young man to the back room." As he rose from the stool, the woman suddenly frowned. "You have nothing with you."

"I travel light," he said. Until he was sure about who he could trust, the less he said about his situation the better. "It's easier that way."

"Come down and have a drink. I like to get to know my employees better." The smile remained on the woman's face but her tone told him that this was an order not a request.

The room was small, just big enough for the rickety looking bed in the corner and a small side table. Dull green curtains covered a small window. It smelled musty, as if it hadn't been used in a while. Still it was clean and at the present moment, the best he could do under the circumstances.

A throat cleared and he realised with a start that the young girl was still standing next to him. She raised one hand, palm up and looked at him expectantly.

"I've nothing," he said as he turned his eyes away from her, feeling slightly bad. "Sorry."

"How 'bout that ring?" She pointed to the band around his finger but her lips were pursed and her eyes were twinkling. He had a feeling she was hiding a smile.

At her words, he rubbed the band absently, slightly taken aback by the warmth that ran through him in response. Squatting down, he smiled at the girl. "I think this was given to me by someone important."

She tilted her head to the side. "You think?"

Caught out by her perceptiveness, he stood up again, searching his brains for a way to erase the suspicion in her eyes.

"Amber!"

That removed the suspicion from her eyes quickly. "Bye!" She flashed him the smile she'd been hiding, and then ran off as he watched her with a smile.

He had nothing to unpack but he lingered in the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. Slowly he removed the ring from his finger and he stared at it. There was no inscription, nothing that gave him a clue of who he might be. It was heavy and he suspected that it might be real gold. But most importantly, something deep inside his bones told him that the ring was precious, that it linked him to someone precious. Carefully, he slipped it back onto his finger.

A small cracked mirror lay on the side table. Picking it up, he looked at himself in the mirror, hoping that that would trigger his memory. But as he stared at the blond haired man in the mirror, nothing came to mind. He tossed the mirror back onto the table, swearing under his breath and punching the thin pillow as he allowed the frustration he'd kept tightly in leash some freedom.

With the rain still pelting down on the tavern, it was no surprise that it was still packed with people. He found a table in the corner, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the tavern.

"Hello." Amber popped up at his table, a toothy grin on her face.

"Hello."

"What's your name?"

Good question. He supposed he had to come up with a name for himself. "Kay," he said.

"I'm Amber." She stuck her hand out which he took, regretting it immediately when his palm made contact with her sticky one. "That's my mum, Muriel." She pointed to the tavern owner chatting happily to some of the tavern guests, a large jug in her hands. Then, before he could say anything, Amber clambered onto the stool next to his, rested her elbows on the table and grinned at him. "I saw your sword," she said in a whisper. "Are you a bad person?"

He made a show of looking round the tavern, then bent his head close to Amber's and whispered back, "I'm a pirate," enjoying the way Amber's eyes widened. At the back of his mind, he desperately hoped he wasn't a bad person. He didn't feel like one but then again, did bad people feel different from good ones? Then again, a bad person wouldn't have such thoughts would they?

"If it isn't the mysterious fellow," the familiar booming voice got his attention. Amber's mother stopped next to the table. Easily, she plucked her giggling daughter from the stool, gave her instructions to sweep the back, then took her place. "Muriel. And you are?"

"Kay."

"Where are you from?"

He almost laughed. Wouldn't he like to know? "Around here."

The smile Muriel wore on her face faded and her eyes grew flinty. "You looked lost and confused earlier and I took pity on you. But I'm no fool. If you won't be honest with me, then you have to leave."

"I woke today in the middle of the forest with nothing but my sword." His hands fisted as he struggled with the decision to tell Muriel about his lack of memories.

"Not like bandits to leave a good sword."

"No, I guess not."

Muriel crossed her arms and watched him unsmilingly.

Kay let out a sigh. "The reason I've been so cagey is that I know as much about myself as you do."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"I know. And I wish I had a better answer for you," he dropped his voice, "but basically, I woke up in the middle of a forest, with a sword and with no memory."

"That's tough," muttered Muriel, rubbing her chin. "You must have fallen and hit your head. Your memory will probably return in a couple of days. I've seen it happen before."

"I'm done. Can Kay teach me how to sword fight?" Amber came rushing up to them.

"The adults are talking," Muriel said as she ruffled her hair. "Go and bring Kay some dinner."

Amber rolled her eyes but went off.

"Cute girl."

"My pride and joy," grinned Muriel. "You're welcomed to stay for a few days, lad. Don't feel right turning away someone in trouble." Someone yelled Muriel's name and she stood, clapped Kay on the back before turning her attentions to her other guests.

A plate clattered onto his table. "Will you teach me to sword fight?"

He eyed the plate warily, unsure what the slop on it was, then looked at Amber. She widened her grin when he caught her eye. "It's yummy." Then as if to prove her point, she dipped her finger into the gravy then licked it clean.

"Amber!" Muriel sat down the ale and frowned at a completely unrepentant Amber. "Sorry about that. She can be a handful at times." Her dark curls fell into her eyes, and she brushed them away impatiently. Something jolted in his brain, a sliver of an image shimmered but before he could focus on it, the image disintegrated.

"Kay?"

He shook his head in frustration then looked at a concerned Muriel. "Sorry, I was distracted. What did you say?"'

"I said I have some clothes you can borrow. A bit large - they belonged to my late husband - but they should do. Armour is probably quite uncomfortable to sleep in. Also, Amber is far too young to learn how to play with a sharp weapon." She cast a warning look at him before walking away.

"Well?" Amber tugged at his sleeve, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Sword fighting?"

"Your mother said no."

"I won't tell her," Amber whispered. "We could do it early in the morning -"

Kay bent down so his face was level to hers. "No Amber. You are too young. Maybe when you're older."

He expected her to pout or to throw a temper. Instead, she paused a little, chewed her lips and stared at him. "Ok, swimming then. I bet you can swim since you're a pirate!"

Maybe some people could say no twice to Amber, but that person wasn't him. "If your mother says it's fine." Then he frowned when he realised he wasn't sure if he could swim.

The toothy grin returned and she scrambled onto the stool again. "When you finish your dinner, can we explore the outer forest? You have a sword and you can kill all the bad things."

"Amber!" Quickly, she slid off the stool and turned to where her mother was. "Don't bother the young man. It's getting late."

"She's no bother," said Kay.

"See mum? I'm no bother."

"Amber. Say goodnight to Kay and get to bed."

"Goodnight Kay." Her sticky hand patted his. "See you tomorrow!"

A smile on his face, Kay watched as Amber, clearly the friend of everyone in the tavern, slowly made her way up the stairs at the back.


	3. Chapter 3

Someone pulled him into a dark corner. He could feel her fingers wrapped around his wrist, her laughter against his neck and a swell of affection in his heart but when he turned to get a look at her, she disappeared. Then, he was chasing a deer through a dense forest, someone else by his side complaining non-stop about the futility of it all and suggesting a break instead. He might have even called him a prat. But again, any attempt to look at his companions made them disappear into the darkness.

He awoke to people mumbling outside his door. Instinctively, he bolted up, grabbed his sword and waited, adrenaline surging through his veins.

"Are you awake yet?"

It was Amber. His fingers relaxed and he sucked in a deep breath, calming his racing heart. "I'll be down soon," he said, his voice still thick with sleep. Perched at the edge of his bed, he stretched, patted down his hair then opened the door to a smiling Amber.

"Morning!"

"Hey Amber." Absently, he ruffled her hair, causing her to duck, squeal and dash into his room.

Legs swinging, she sat on his bed. "You look funny in Dad's clothes. Mum says he used to carry me on his shoulders."

"What happened to him?" He stopped at the door, curiosity getting the better of him. He regretted the question when Amber's smile faded.

"The dawn raiders got him. He went to help the village then he didn't come back." Her smile returned. "Mum says you need to clean out the barn. She also said that you sleep too much." That Kay was about to get into trouble with the nice tavern owner seemed to make Amber far too happy. He narrowed his eyes at her then left the room without her.

Quickly, she scampered next to him. "Are you really a pirate? Do you have a boat? Will you bring me to the outer forest?"

Still groggy, he smiled wanly at her and made his way to the shared sink just outside his room. The feel of cold water on his face woke him fully up and he walked down the creaky steps with Amber who kept up a constant chatter.

"Ah, how was your night?" Muriel glanced up from behind the counter. "Amber, go collect water."

"Not too bad. Sorry I woke late."

"No problem. I'd be exhausted too if I'd hit my head, lost my memory then had to trek through the forest." A mug was slid in front of him. "Have some milk. Then I'll bring you out to the barn and you can start moving the things out."

It was hard labour and the sun blazed down but Kay enjoyed the mind-numbing repetition of the job. Muriel came out occasionally, claiming to check that he was alright but Kay suspected it was more to check that he hadn't taken her odd assortment of damaged furniture and ran.

As he heaved a broken table out of the barn, he scowled at a smirking Muriel, casually leaning against the barn.

"You could help," he shouted jokingly.

"I could but then I'd be deprived of watching you do it. Also, I believe you get free food and board in exchange?"

Kay shook his head, grinning as he made the walk back to the barn to grab another table. "Why do you keep all these anyway? With so much damaged furniture, your tavern must see a brawl every week."

"That's the next part of your job. Turning them all into firewood."

"Right."

Muriel lingered, her eyes watching him closely as he carried two broken chairs out of the barn. "So, you don't remember anything about your life?"

"No and I do wish you'll keep that quiet. Never know who you can trust."

"You can always trust a homely tavern owner."

Kay laughed. "Of course." Then softer, he asked, "And you've never seen the symbols on my sword before?"

"No. Pete, the blacksmith, came down to get some supplies and I asked him. He's never seen anything like it before." Her eyes narrowed. "I hope it isn't some druid symbols."

"Me too," he replied unthinkingly. That was pointless then. Kay had hoped the symbols were clues to his past but perhaps they were simply decorative.

"Stop brooding and get on with it," laughed Muriel, slapping him on the back, before she went back into the tavern.

* * *

Warm fingers gently applied a foul smelling ointment to the gash along his chest. He couldn't make out the words but she was speaking to him, her voice full of worry and concern. When her fingers trailed over his wound, he shuddered, not from the pain that radiated from his chest, but from something deeper, something close to desire. Then she was bandaging him, her dark curls brushing against his nose as she bent over his chest. He willed her to lift her head, desperate to know who she was.

But like every other dream he had, it faded before he could see her face, and he opened his eyes, staring up at the stained ceiling. A glance out of the window told him that the sun would be rising soon and it was his turn to milk the cows. With a quiet groan, he pushed himself out of bed. It had been two weeks since he found himself in the forest and he was still living in the spare room in the tavern but earned his keep by performing various menial jobs in the nearby village and at the tavern.

He was tugging on a shirt when he heard the familiar, impatient banging on his door. Smiling to himself, he pulled open the door. As he expected, Amber tumbled into his room and flung herself on his bed. Even before he could say anything, she was talking. He nodded and made noises at the appropriate places then shooed her out of his room.

"Mum says you're going to the village to milk cows. Can I come?"

He eyed her suspiciously, used to her conniving ways. "Don't you have chores to do?" When she failed to reply, Kay knew he was right. "Do your chores and when I get back this evening, maybe we can go for a swim in the lake, if the sun is still up."

At the bottom of the stairs, Muriel passed him a small packet and he smiled thankfully. She merely shook her head, dismissing his thanks like she did every morning. Muriel, busy hauling up mead from the basement yelled out a hearty goodbye as Kay walked out the door of the tavern.

"Are you sure I can't come with you?"

"Amber," he said warningly, biting down on the smile that threatened to break through.

She didn't hold back her grin. "I was just trying my luck." Then she scampered back into the tavern, without a look back.

The walk to the village was a short one but Kay made the most of it. In the tavern, if it wasn't Amber constantly demanding his attention, it was Muriel regaling him with stories of the various patrons, none of whom seem to recognise him from anywhere despite their wide travels. Here, as he walked along the well-trodden path, he was able to think. It was during one of these walks between the tavern and the village that he came to the tentative conclusion that he must be a mercenary of some sort. He was more than competent with a sword, owned two heavy gold rings, and his sword was of very good quality. Yet he bore no sigils of any sort which suggested that he didn't belong to any kingdom.

One of the gold rings was very clearly a wedding ring and he wondered about his wife. Was she at home, wherever that was, worrying about him? Did she think him dead? Was she coping without him? Did they have children? Each question tore at his heart a little more. Two weeks here was long enough and as much as he had grown fond of Amber, he needed to move on, find out more about himself. Only, at this point, with nothing to go on, he suspected that it was going to be a wild goose chase.

His mind was on his mysterious wife, worrying, when he heard raised, urgent voices from the village. Quiet and idyllic was the usual state of the village, not this. Edging along a farmhouse, he surveyed the main village. A rag tag group of men had rounded up the villagers in the main square while others were clearly looting the place. But what struck him was how the villagers were simply handing over their supplies to the men.

"Are you sure that's all?" snapped a burly man, brandishing his sword at the village leader, Ethel. "Your crop seems lower than usual."

Ethel looked unflinchingly at the man. "That's all. We agreed to a 80-20 split."

"I changed my mind. 90-10 and we'll not burn your fields."

"No."

Kay could see the tension in the people in the main square. These were the same people who had taken him in, treated him as family even as evasive as he was with his past. He had to do something. One hand curled around the hilt of his sword, he stepped out of his hiding place.

"What's happening?"

Ethel's shock and disapproval were clearly written on her face. "Nothing is happening. These men were just leaving," she bit out, her eyes warning him to keep out.

"Well, who do we have here? Don't believe we've seen you around." The burly man, clearly the leader of the motley bunch, swaggered towards him, sword drawn.

"Leave him alone," said Ethel but the man merely pushed her away.

Then before Kay knew it, the sword was at his throat. "I'd suggest that in future, you leave negotiations up to me and this lady here. Wouldn't want to scar that pretty face of yours."

"The name's Kay," he said as calmly as he could. "And I'm going to ask you to put your sword away."

The burly man laughed, showing his yellowed teeth, "Make me."

All it took was a quick flick of his wrist, a slight feint and their roles were reversed, the man's sword under Kay's foot as he pressed his own sword against the man's throat. "Fine," said Kay smugly. It was a risky decision and even without lifting his eyes from the burly man, Kay could sense the other bandits closing in on him. "Come any closer and I'll kill him," he said coldly.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw the movement stop.

Kay pressed the sword against the leader's throat, watching as a line of blood formed. Then with a snarl, he pulled it away. "Take your men and leave. If you come back, know that I will not hesitate to kill you." Then he smirked. "And don't think I can't take on your whole group alone." When the leader didn't move, Kay raised his voice. "Leave!"

Standing with the rest of the villagers, Kay watched as the group grabbed their loot and dashed into the forest.

"Thank you," said Ethel. "We should have at least another week's peace before they come again."

"Have they been here before?"

"Oh yes," said Rory, a young man. "We call them the dawn raiders because they always come early in the morning. They take all we can afford to give up in exchange for not harming us."

"And you let them?"

"Of course we let them. Do you think any of us can fight like you?" said Ethel, frowning at him. "We do what we can to survive and giving up part of our crop ensures we aren't slaughtered."

Anger gripped him. "You are under the protection of Camelot. Why haven't they done anything?"

"We are far from Camelot."

Kay huffed. "That doesn't mean your village shouldn't matter. Every village should matter to a king -"

"Queen. Our king is dead," pipped up Rory.

" - to a queen. Someone needs to tell them about this."

"I wish it was that easy. We can't afford to have anyone ride out to Camelot. If we're lucky, the regular knight patrol will come by in a few weeks."

Kay frowned, his displeasure at the situation clear as day on his face. "I'll ride out to Camelot," he finally said. "All I need is a horse." The moment the words left him, he realised what a good idea it was - Camelot, according to Muriel, was the largest kingdom in all of Albion. Surely someone there would recognise him.

Murmurs broke out among the gathered villagers. "We would be indebted to you if you went," said Ethel finally. "But it's a long ride and not an easy one."

He smiled, attempting to display a confidence he didn't necessarily have. But if he was a mercenary, and a successful one at that, seeing that he was still alive and wealthy enough to wear gold rings, a two day travel to Camelot should be a breeze for him. "I've survived worse."

"Thank you," said Ethel and the faith and pride in the eyes of the rest of the villagers made Kay realise he couldn't possibility let them down now.


	4. Chapter 4

Some days, she liked to pretend that Arthur was simply out on an extended quest - he certainly went off on many of them during the time they were married - and one day she would hear the familiar telltale horns and clatter of hooves on the cobblestones and he would return, battered, tired, snapping at Merlin but he would return. Other days, like today, that fantasy was harder to cling to, when the council insisted on second guessing every decision she made and Merlin's constant sullenness and uncooperativeness only made council meetings that much harder.

"He's in his chambers, my lady." Leon said quietly from behind. She forced a smile on her face, nodding her thanks at a worried-looking Leon. "He seems quite moody," Leon continued softly.

"Isn't he always? Thank you, Leon." This time her smile was more genuine and she touched his shoulder in appreciation as she left her room. The closer she got to the chambers she'd put Merlin in after his return, the more her stomach churned. Outside the heavy wood door, she hesitated, balancing the tray on one hand, before placing her palm against the door. But she didn't push.

"I know you're there."

He looked tiny silhouetted against the window of which he stared out, shoulders hunched as if he carried the world's burdens on them. "Gwen," he said, not even bothering to turn around. "I'm not hungry."

"Surely even people with magic have to eat," she said lightly as she placed the tray on the table. "It's your favourite stew."

Finally he turned. Gwen was no longer surprised by the pain in his eyes or the lines on his face. "Thank you. I'll eat it later."

She let the lie pass, history telling her that he was unlikely to eat. There were more pressing matters to attend to. When she settled herself on one of the plush armchairs in the room, he raised his eyebrows. Her tone firm - the same one she used in the throne room, she requested Merlin sit.

"What is it?" he asked, almost sullenly, as he sank into a hard chair at the table.

"How are you?"

He shrugged, suddenly finding the food on his plate very interesting.

Deciding the gentle approach wasn't working, she sighed and went straight to the point. "Merlin, you can't keep storming out of council meetings, especially when -"

"- especially when they act as if there's something wrong with me? Magic is legal now and they still act as if it's evil."

"You can't blame them Merlin. We've only just made magic legal after so many years. It's natural they are wary -"

He jumped up from the chair. "Stop defending them. I thought you were on my side. Arthur would have -"

"Don't," she snapped coldly. Even hearing his name sent a sharp pain through her heart. "Don't bring Arthur into this." She knew far too well, even if she refused to think about it too much, that had Arthur been around, things would be different - better. She definitely didn't need Merlin reminding her.

Merlin dragged a hand across his face and slumped back into the chair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just that I watched him die because of his love for Camelot -" His voice trailed off as Gwen turned away, biting her lips.

"At least you were there for his last hours."

He seemed startled at those words. "Gwen -"

"You got to say goodbye, you got to lay him to rest. I didn't even know he passed till three days later, when you sent a message with Percival. You were my best friend and you couldn't even tell me my husband was dead." She blinked furiously but the tears still managed to leak. Dashing them away, she sucked in a breath, trying to calm herself. "Eat your dinner, Merlin."

As she walked past Merlin on her way out of the room, he took her hand, stopping her. "I'm so sorry Gwen."

She stilled but refused to look at him. "I thought we were friends."

"We are." He dropped her hand. "I came back to Camelot for you."

"For me?" she asked incredulously. "You have barely spoken to me since you've been back, wallowing in your pain. I've been hurting too. I lost my husband. And all that's happened since you've returned is me worrying about you, looking after you. Have you even spared a thought about me?"

Finally, she looked into his face. Shock coloured his features and Gwen felt the strangest urge to laugh. All the pain she'd been going through and Merlin had no clue. Bitterness welled in her and she tore her gaze from his face.

"I didn't -" he choked, guilt evident in his voice, "I was so caught up with my grief and you always looked so calm -"

"Every day I wake up and Arthur isn't next to me, I feel like I'm slowly dying inside. I -" She swayed slightly, suddenly overwhelmed by the exhaustion of a long day. Merlin took a step towards her and she stumbled backwards.

"Are you alright?"

She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"Come, I'll walk you back to your room."

Neither said anything during the walk, the tension thick between them. At her door, Merlin lingered as if he wanted to continue their conversation but Gwen was far too tired to humour him, the day and the conversation with Merlin had drained all energy from her. Just as she turned away, he said softly, "I'm sorry. I'll do better, as a friend."

"Fine," she replied with a sigh. Then she closed the door gently in his face.

Leaning against her closed door, she sighed. The stress of ruling alone was affecting her physically - fatigue had become a permanent guest in her life, and nausea, a frequent visitor. Gaius plied her with medicinal herbs and potions, urging her to take it easy, but after throwing up what seemed to be all the contents of her stomach, she'd stopped taking them.

Her fingers reached for her ring, its cool metal a contrast against her warm skin. She closed her eyes and for a moment imagined Arthur was merely on an extended quest and that he would be home soon to share these burdens with her.

* * *

AN: Just wanted to say thank you for the comments. :) And well, I guess everyone knows who Kay might be.


	5. Chapter 5

As always, discussions circled back to Gwen's decision to allow magic in Camelot. The fact that more and more kingdoms were feuding with each other or the fact that there were a burgeoning number of refugees from these towns came second to the council's growing discomfort with Gwen as a ruler and her decision to make magic legal.

"Are we agreed to housing the refugees within the castle walls?" Gwen pushed.

A few heads nodded, amongst those, the knights. "Good. Breton, assist Sir Leon with moving the refugees. Inform the kitchens to provide them with some bread for sustenance. I've already assigned more help in the kitchens."

"Can we talk about magic now?" Hector asked.

Finally, Gwen looked at Hector, carefully hiding her distaste for him behind a mask of politeness. "We have discussed Merlin's recommendations already."

"I'm still not convinced that they are enough to manage the magical population."

"Lord Hector, we have spent the last two weeks working on the new laws to deal with magic. It's time we move on."

Hector scowled at her. "Some kingdoms are still unhappy with your decision."

"I realise that but it's time we stopped acting as if magic is evil. As for the kingdoms which are unhappy, we will deal with them. I'm sure in time, they will realise that magic isn't inherently evil."

Waving his hand rudely in dismissal, Hector sniffed. "They don't trust you. They think that you are far too influenced by that warlock."

Sir Lief immediately retorted, "That warlock saved our kingdom!"

"How do we know Merlin can be trusted? What if -"

"Merlin was the King's closest friend -"

"- will be corrupted by magic in the end like -"

A dull ache slowly built in her head as the voices rose around her. Her fingers massaged her temple, a move that was sadly becoming far too familiar, before she firmly told them to stop. The councillors stopped talking, except Hector who, halfway through his rant about Gwen being a commoner who couldn't understand the complex politics of the land, slammed his hand down on the table, causing Gwen to jump.

"There's no need for that." Percival's low voice cut through Hector's rant. Immediately, Hector sat back down on his chair, disapproval clear as day on his face.

"This meeting is over," Gwen said coldly. With a murmur of greetings, the council filed past her. She continued, "Lord Hector, please stay for a while."

He looked like he was about to refuse when Percival cleared his throat. With a quick glance at the knight, Hector reluctantly took his seat again.

"Whether you like it or not," Gwen said after all the rest of the council left, "I am Queen. Arthur didn't leave the royal signet with you or anyone else. He left it with me."

"But -"

Gwen raised a hand. "No. The knights have no problems with me but you and your band of nobles obviously do."

"The knights come from the same commoner background as you," Hector sniffed, a defiant tilt to his head.

"And? Surely you're not suggesting that being a commoner, I'm somehow less capable of thinking and making decisions. Arthur didn't think so." She wanted to hit something but instead curled her hands into fists, her nails digging into the flesh of her palm.

"Arthur fancied himself in love -"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence," she snapped, her control over her temper hanging by a thread.

Hector raised a hand in half-apology. "Look at all the disputes happening between the various kingdoms. Arthur died to bring peace to Albion. This isn't peace. And the disputes are happening because the kingdoms believe that Camelot is weakened by Arthur's death."

The truth in every word he said jabbed at her.

"They will soon learn otherwise," Gwen said with more confidence than she felt.

Maybe it was a trick of the light but Gwen thought Hector's face softened. "My lady, I believe you care about Camelot and Arthur certainly thought the world of you. But I don't believe you alone are able to bring peace to these lands."

"Are you suggesting I relinquish the throne?"

He stared at her, then said slowly, "Lord Gregory is a very capable man."

"If Arthur wanted Gregory on the throne, he would have given him the royal signet," Gwen said. "If you really care for Camelot and Albion as you claim to do, then I suggest you work with me to deal with all these problems and build the lasting peace Arthur wanted."

"Of course, your majesty," Hector replied, but having dealt with Hector over the past two months, Gwen knew better than to trust him. "I do hope we can work together."

Still, she nodded. "I hope so too." She swept out of the room, followed closely by Percival, leaving Hector alone.

The headache that had started in the council room had only grown worse by the time she got to her room. Percival hovered closer than usual, and she forced a smile up at him at her door.

"Things will work out," he said as he opened the door for her. "I'll be with the knights, if you need me. Sir Brom will be outside."

It was only midday and she was already feeling the exhaustion in her bones. Hector's words echoed in her head, adding to her insecurities. What was she doing? It was one thing to rule with Arthur. It was a completely different story ruling alone.

Her fingers played with her wedding ring and the tears welled in her eyes again. This time she let them fall, tired of being the strong one. She let herself remember Arthur - his embrace of life, his determination to be a better King than his father, his insecurities, his tenderness with her, his love for Camelot, his knights and her, and she let herself imagine what it would be like if he was still around. His hands would be on her shoulder, his warm breath caressing the back of her neck, telling her that everything would work out. Or he would be at his table, grumbling under his breath about all the paperwork he had to do, moaning about how he would much rather be outside training with his knights before pulling her into his lap and kissing her.

Pain throbbed in her and she tried to push the images out of her mind. Arthur had promised he would never leave her and foolishly, she had believed him.

Gwen rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hands. She had planned to take a walk around the lower town to see if the repairs she'd ordered were going well. At the same time, there were several documents that required her attention. With a barely concealed sigh, she sat at her table and pulled out the sheath of papers Leon had dropped off in the morning. Requests for more medical supplies to one of the towns affected by the battle at Camlann - she dropped it in the important pile. Applications to join the Camelot knights - she placed them with some impatience into the pile for Leon. Quickly, she dealt with most of the paperwork, the monotony calming her emotions. She grabbed another.

 _Suggestions for a momument for King Arthur_

Written in neat script, the words screamed out at her. Shaken, she glanced at the pile that held all sorts of requests and ideas to honour Arthur's death, a pile she had let grow over the past few months.

He's not coming back, she told herself firmly, and it was time she faced up to that. But after a moment's hesitation, she still dropped the document, unread, onto the pile. Maybe one day she would be strong enough to go through them.

The knock that interrupted her thoughts was a blessing.

"It's Merlin, my lady," said Sir Brom from outside. "Will you see him?"

For a brief moment, her spirits lifted, before she remembered their last encounter. "Send him in."

"Gaius said you didn't look too well. He wanted me to give you this." Merlin stepped into her room and handed her a small vial. "It is supposed to calm your nerves."

"My nerves are fine. Or they will be if the kingdoms in Albion stopped playing their power games."

"It's the way of the land," he said lightly.

Gwen said nothing but gave him a pointed look, before turning her back on him and slipping the vial next to the row of vials she'd been collecting from Gaius.

"I've been thinking about what you said the last time we spoke and you're right. About everything." Merlin took a step further into her room.

"Good," she said. "Look, Merlin. I have -"

"I am sorry. I know I keep saying it but this time, I mean it. The past months, I was so caught up with my so-called destiny, with needing Arthur to fulfil his destiny that -"

"- that we drifted apart."

He nodded. "Tell me it's not too late to save our friendship."

Whatever anger or resentment she held against Merlin dissipated at the look on his face. Her hand took his. "Of course not. I could really do with a friend right now."

Immediately, Merlin pulled her into a hug and she sank, gratefully, into his arms. "I'm sorry, Gwen," he whispered.

Gwen never realised how much she needed this until her face was pressed into his shoulder and his hand rubbed soothingly up and down her back. The tension that had been coiled in her since the talk with Hector eased slightly and she relaxed in Merlin's arms, achingly aware of how much she missed the support and safety he once represented to her. Finally, she pulled back and regarded Merlin quietly. Then she asked the question that had been plaguing her ever since Merlin returned. "Ever since you returned, you keep talking about Arthur's destiny, and about how it was your duty to ensure he fulfilled it. What was his destiny?"

He smiled wryly. "I wish I knew for sure. I was told he was going to unite Albion and become a great King. As it turned out," Merlin let out a bitter laugh, "either the Old Religion was wrong or Arthur failed to fulfil his destiny. And if he failed -"

"It's not your fault," Gwen said immediately, wanting to erase the look of despair on his face.

It eased slightly as he squeezed her hand. "Gwen, you don't know that at all, but thank you for believing in me."

"Maybe it's up to us to ensure that Arthur's destiny is fulfilled," said Gwen. "He started building peace between the kingdoms. We can finish it."

"Establishing peace in Albion isn't going to be easy."

"No, but Camelot has friends," she said, "and it has you, most powerful warlock in history."

Merlin smiled and shook his head. "You sound like you have a plan."

"I don't. But I wish I did. Some amazing, spectacular plan that would miraculously achieve the peace in Albion that Arthur wanted. And then maybe I can move on."

"Maybe then we both can move on. Now," Merlin said in a brighter tone, "Percival says that a walk in the lower town is next on your schedule. Fancy some company?"

She reached out her arm. "I'll be delighted."


	6. Chapter 6

"Show me that again," Gwen said.

Merlin chuckled, then turned the candle flame into butterflies. Smiling, Gwen leaned back into her pillows and sighed, trying to ignore the throbbing behind her eyes. Gaius had said it was the combination of stress and working too hard and ordered her bed rest. Despite the urging of Leon and Merlin, she had refused initially. Resting meant free time and free time meant time to think about all she had lost - Arthur, Elyan, Gwaine, her father - and that was something she didn't want to do. But when, on her way to the council room, she threw up her breakfast, everyone was insistent she rest and refused to listen to her. In the end it was easier for her to give in.

"How does it feel to have so much power in you?"

"It's scary at times but other times, when I'm able to use the power to help, to do something good, the feeling can be amazing." He smiled teasingly at her, "Like now. Making you smile."

A tired laugh escaped her. "Are you sure -"

"I checked earlier. Leon is dealing with the village session. Percival is in charge of training and I'm sure the council will survive without you for a day."

She curled her fingers around his. "Thank you. I just worry, that if I'm not on top of everything, things will start to go wrong again and - it's just that Camelot is all I have."

"Get some rest. You're going to have a long day tomorrow, with the guests." Merlin's fingers brushed gently against her forehead, pushing her curls back. "I'll bring lunch for you in a while. And yes, I'll check on everything."

"Thank you."

The smile he gave her was tinged with sadness. "It's the least I can do."

Once the door closed quietly behind him, Gwen closed her eyes, letting the exhaustion she'd been feeling over the past few days take over her. Merlin was right - Camelot would survive without her for a day, she thought just as sleep claimed her.

When she opened her eyes, the sun had set. In the corner of her room, shrouded in shadows cast by the candles lit in her room, was Merlin, his head buried in a book. He must have heard her move because his head snapped up.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Most of the day." Merlin closed the book and walked over to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Rested. And hungry," she laughed when her stomach rumbled. "I don't suppose you want to sneak down to the kitchens with me?"

"And annoy Cook? Of course."

In the relative darkness of the corridors, their hands entwined as they tiptoed and avoided the castle patrol. It felt almost like the past, when they were servants whose only responsibilities were to their jobs. The kitchen was, thankfully, empty when they finally reached it. Gwen was peering inside the larder when sudden nausea swamped her and she stepped backwards into Merlin's arms.

"What's wrong?"

Splaying a hand over her stomach, she took a shuddering breath. "Smoked meat," she gulped, trying to stop herself from throwing up.

It didn't work.

Back in bed, Gwen watched silently as Gaius examined her. Merlin hovered in the background, a frown on his face.

"Merlin, get me some ginger flowers," said Gaius. "Go on." When Merlin was reluctantly gone, Gaius looked seriously at her. "When was the last time you bled?"

Taken aback by the question, Gwen struggled to remember. She'd been so caught up with ruling over Camelot that she hadn't taken note of her monthly bleeding. "Before Arthur died," she said, realising that it had been almost two months since her last bleeding. Then it dawned on her. "You think I'm pregnant."

"The signs point to it. Merlin will probably know a spell to check." He gave her a slight smile. "Congratulations."

Gaius continued talking, telling her how to take care of herself, what she needed to eat to remain healthy but Gwen wasn't listening. A million contradicting thoughts crowded in her brain. She had a part of Arthur growing in her. She was going to be a mother. Her child would never know their father. She couldn't bring up a child on her own. How could she be a mother and rule a kingdom?

Merlin burst into the room, ginger flowers in his hand. "Found them. You really need a better system of organisation - what's wrong?"

Gaius raised an eyebrow at her.

"Gaius thinks I might be pregnant." It was her voice but it sounded so distant to her.

The ginger flowers fell onto the ground, then a huge smile broke across Merlin's face. "You're pregnant," he repeated in hushed awe. Then he grinned and whooped. "You're pregnant!"

His glee was infectious and Gwen finally smiled at the news. "I'm pregnant. Oh Merlin." Her voice caught. "I'm having Arthur's child." Unconsciously, her fingers drifted towards her stomach.

"I know. It's amazing."

"Amazing," Gwen repeated as she placed one hand gently on her stomach, almost feeling like she could feel the new life in her, a new life that was part Arthur. She smiled again, despite the fear that thumped in her heart.

* * *

The cool water lapped against his back, soothing out the aches in his shoulders. He watched with mild amusement as Amber splashed around in the shallow part of the lake. Her blatant enjoyment of the lake made up for the vague sense of discomfort and dread he felt in it, a feeling that was exacerbated by the memories he could feel trying to burst out of the locked box of his mind without any success, no matter how hard he tried.

"Mum says you're going away for a few days." Amber splashed her way next to him. "Where are you going?"

"Camelot."

Her eyes widened at that. "Can I go too? There's a pretty castle there and everyone says the Queen is beautiful. I want to meet her. Maybe she'll make me a princess and then I'll get a horse and -"

"No, you can't go."

"Is it dangerous?"

Kay nodded.

Amber let out a loud sigh. "Everything is dangerous. Will you bring the Queen a present from me? Mum says she's sad because the King died."

"Of course. What are you going to give her?"

"I don't know. What do you think a Queen would like?" Amber twirled in the water. "Do you think she'll want some wild flowers? I could pick some of the yellow and purple ones that grow near the forest."

"I'm sure she'll love anything you give her."

"Great! Come, I want to go over there." Pointing at the deeper end of the lake, Amber grabbed his arm and pulled him with her. "They say Queen Guinevere used to be ordinary like me, but the King fell in love with her and made her Queen. Isn't that nice?"

He stilled. Guinevere. The name tugged at his heart and something stirred in his memory.

"Kay! Are you listening?"

He looked down at Amber and smiled. "Of course Amber."

"I don't want you to go."

Startled by her sudden change in mood, he blinked. The slight pout and the anguish in her face almost made him want to tell her he wouldn't go but if he went to Camelot, he might find his family or at least more about his past. "I'll come back," he said but there was no sincerity behind his words.

Amber bit her lip. "My dad said he'd come back but he didn't."

Kay simply hugged Amber tightly.

Later, as he held the hand of a slightly more cheerful Amber while walking back to the tavern, Kay let his thoughts wander to the name Guinevere again. Was he a loyal subject of hers? Or did someone important to him just happen to share the same name as the Queen of Camelot? What was this Queen like?

The latter he posed to Muriel at dinner.

"I've never met her myself but some of the merchants who come here say she's warm and kind. She was a servant before and now she's Queen. Without the King by her side, people wonder if she can maintain the peace that the King died for."

"She's not a good Queen?" Kay wasn't sure why but that thought annoyed him.

Muriel shrugged. "I wouldn't know. But she was a servant before. And -" Brom's voice dropped and Kay had to lean towards her to pick up the rest of the sentence. "I've heard rumours recently that the King's manservant is back and he's magic. The Queen hasn't said anything but people claim she wants to make magic legal again."

"Oh."

"Yeah. After all the damage and destruction magic has brought to this land, she wants to make it legal. King Arthur would turn in his grave."

The feeling of discomfort hit him again, but he ignored it. Instead, he turned the subject away from the Queen, enquiring instead of the best way to get to Camelot.

"I know you're a brilliant swordsman but you best be on your guard. The road to Camelot can be perilous and there are still remnants of Morgana's army around. With some luck, you'll bump into the Camelot knights on your way and you won't have to make the trip all the way to Camelot." Muriel pushed a mug of mead towards him. "Amber is going to miss having you around. Told you not to entertain her so."

Kay smiled. "What about you, Muriel?"

"Nah," she chortled. "Why would I miss the bum who's been sponging off me?"

"I chopped all that damaged furniture into wood for you."

Muriel rolled her eyes and picked up some dirty mugs from the counter, depositing them into the sink.

"I stopped that fight between Greg and Johnson. Repaired the roof. Even did your washing up last night."

Tossing a dirty rag at him, Muriel shook her head. "What are you trying to do Kay? You know you've become like family here. Now go away before I really get sad at you getting yourself killed on the way to Camelot."

"Ah Muriel," Kay laughed. "You know my sword skills are better than any you've seen before. It's not going to be easy to kill me."

"Kay," she said seriously. "I hope you find what you're looking for in Camelot."

"Me too."

* * *

AN: Thank you for the encouraging comments! I really enjoy writing this fic although it hasn't been that easy. I suppose it's sort of a fix-it fic.


	7. Chapter 7

Muriel's words must have been the bringer of luck because the next day, just as Kay returned from the village, four knights of Camelot dismounted and strode into the tavern. Kay watched them enter, heads held high as their armours glinted in the sun and their bright red cloaks fluttered behind them. It looked like he didn't have to make that trip to Camelot after all. Or perhaps he would go with them.

Pushing open the tavern door in their wake, he walked in. There was a muttering of greetings from the tavern's usual patrons but Kay's attention were on the knights at the bar.

"Ah," boomed Muriel in her usual, cheerful manner. "And this is Kay. He was just about to ride off to Camelot tomorrow but now that you all are here, he doesn't have to. More's the pity."

Kay ignored her jibe, turning to greet the knights.

"The journey is a difficult one! Lucky him," said one knight, just as he turned back to look at Kay.

Then all four knights were staring at him in utter silence.

The dark skinned knight stepped forward, eyes narrowed, hand on his sword. "Your name is Kay?"

"Do you know me?" He straightened, his hand drifting to his sword.

The knight simply grunted, then walked around him, peering curiously. "Has anyone told you that you look a lot like our late King?"

Kay had expected to be told he was a knight or even a wanted bandit. He hadn't expected to be told that he looked like the late King.

Another knight spoke, a smile on his face. "Well, perhaps you're a wee bit uglier than he was." He slapped Kay on the back. "Don't look so shocked. You do look a lot like him. Maybe you're his missing brother." He turned to the rest of the knights. "Uther seemed to have lots of unacknowledged kids."

"It was just Morgana," said the dark skinned knight, clearly the leader of the group, disapproval in his tone. "I'm Rowan and these are my men, Jacob, Asher and Lief. They shouldn't be gossiping about the royals. Come," Rowan slung an arm around Kay's shoulder, "join us for a drink."

The knights joked and laughed as the drinks kept coming. It was a rare night of rest for them and Kay found himself reluctant to disrupt their merriment with news about the village. Tomorrow, before they set off, he would tell them.

Asher, swinging a half full tankard of mead around, leaned towards him. "Has no one ever told you you look like Arthur? Because you could have milked it for lots of things. Free food, free mead -"

"Asher, you are crook underneath all that armour!" Rowan snapped.

"I was just saying," slurred Asher. "I mean, all dressed up, I'd think he was Arthur himself. Of course Arthur was a lot more full of himself, cocky. You don't happen to have a magical sidekick do you?"

"Merlin will turn you into a frog if he hears you calling him a magical sidekick," muttered Lief. "He's a good man so I don't know why everyone is acting like he's suddenly evil because he has magic."

Rowan smiled wryly. "Then you're a more open-minded man than many. What do you think Kay? About magic."

"I don't know," he said hesitantly, which was the truth. He had no idea what he thought of magic. The people in this area seemed suspicious of it, uneasy that the Queen had, after years of being banned, allowed it to be used freely and while he understood their distrust, having heard stories of Morgana and her evil breathen, he couldn't help but wonder if magic was any different from a sword - that it wasn't inherently evil but at the mercy of the person who wielded it. "It's not something I've thought of much."

"I think," said Asher, "that magic corrupts. It's evil and when you use it, it slowly darkens your heart. Then you end up like Morgana."

"Then explain Merlin," retorted Lief. "I've heard Sir Leon refer to him as the most powerful warlock ever and he's not evil."

Asher was having none of that and the two knights started bickering, a rehash of an argument they've had more than once Kay suspected. Jacob, the silent knight, shook his head and downed another gulp of mead. It was then he noticed Rowan looking at his rings.

"Nice rings. They look valuable." His voice was light but Kay could see a hint of suspicion in Rowan's eyes.

Panic started to build in him. Were these rings stolen? As calmly as he could, he thanked Rowan, who still watched him carefully.

"So, what's your story?"

"My story?"

Rowan sat up, the smile on his face never reaching his eyes. "Have you always lived here?"

"No," Kay replied but offered nothing more.

"Where were you from?"

"Uh, not very far away actually. I was looking for something new. You know how it is - stay in one place for too long and it gets boring."

Rowan still looked suspicious. "This tavern is something new?"

"Yes."

"So what is it that -"

Asher slammed down his tankard. "Are you interviewing him for knighthood? Leave him alone. You're always such a pain Rowan."

Rowan scowled but took a huge swallow of his mead instead. Thankful, Kay smiled briefly at Asher who merely shrugged in response. Still uncomfortable with Rowan's scrutiny, Kay made some excuses and left the company of the knights.

Early the next morning, Kay found Rowan with the horses.

"Hey," Kay said as he walked into the stables. "I need to tell you something."

Rowan dropped the reins, leaned against the wall and gestured for Kay to continue.

"We'll go by the village today then send a report back to the Queen. She's likely to increase the number of patrols out here. Maybe establish an outpost."

"That would be good," he replied. "I thought I could go to Camelot with you."

"Getting bored with the taven already? If you care about the village, then I suggest you stay till the Queen arranges something. The dawn raiders might strike again and from what I hear, you are capable of seeing them off."

"It's a four day ride to Camelot. The dawn raiders won't return so soon."

Rowan raised an eyebrow. "And what if they do? You would leave these people to fend for themselves?"

"You should get one of your knights to stay. Isn't that your duty? To protect the lands of Camelot?"

Rowan's lips tightened and his eyes grew hard. "I don't think you are in a position to tell us what to do. But you're welcome to ride with us if you wish." Then he picked up the reins again, a signal that the conversation was over.

Asher sauntered into the stables. "You're coming with us? Brilliant. We could have so much fun pretending you're the ghost of the king."

"Stop talking nonsense Ash," snapped Rowan.

Raising his arms, Asher backed off, moving to his horse to saddle her up.

Kay glanced out of the stables and watched as Amber walked into the chicken coop to feed the chickens. Beside her stood Muriel going on about something. In the distance, smoke from the village blacksmith could be seen. He closed his eyes.

"It's alright. Perhaps I'll visit Camelot another time."

Kay saw the knights off, Amber clinging to his hand by his side, watching as they deftly readied their horses. Lief, Ascher and Jacob shook his hand, bidding him farewell. Then Rowan approached him, hand out, which Arthur took. Rowan's grip was firm and he didn't let go. Leaning closer, Rowan said quietly, "you are the splitting image of the King and the band you wear looks a lot like the wedding band Queen Guinevere wears."

"How interesting," he replied as nonchalantly as possible, hoping fervently that he hadn't somehow robbed the King of Camelot.

"Hmmm, very interesting indeed." Before Rowan could say anything else, Lief yelled at him to hurry up. WIthin minutes, the knights were little more than clouds of dust.

Amber nudged him. "Now you don't have to go to Camelot."

Kay nodded absently, his mind still mulling over Rowan's words. Once the knights from Camelot arrived to look after the village, he would have to make a trip there himself.

* * *

"I need detailed reports of all the kingdoms in Albion. Everything you can possibly give me about them." Gwen rubbed her stomach absently, willing it not to reject the biscuits she just ate. It had been a week since she'd learnt that she was carrying Arthur's child and even though she was experiencing the usual signs of those who were pregnant, it sometimes still seemed like a dream.

"Yes," agreed Merlin as he handed Percival a sheet of paper. "And not just the usual things like the strength of their army or the supplies in their granaries. Find out what food they are dependent on, who's their biggest trading partner -" Before Merlin could finish, someone knocked.

"My lady." Sir Brom cracked open the door slightly. "Sir Rowan would like an audience with you. He says it's important."

"Of course." One of the more promising knights, Sir Rowan rarely asked to speak with her. She hoped he didn't have news of more conflict brewing.

"My lady." Sir Rowan stopped in front of her and bowed. "My apologies for not bringing this up during the council but it's a delicate matter." His eyes drifted to Percival and Merlin.

"They stay," she said firmly. "There's nothing you can't say in front of them."

"As you wish, my lady."

She shifted in her seat, trying to settle her stomach. "What is it you want to discuss Sir Rowan?"

"Last week, we were on patrol in the north east lands -"

"I know. You requested help for a small village plagued by bandits there. I agreed to an outpost."

"Yes. While we were there, we spent a night at a tavern -"

Gwen frowned, remembering Gwaine's boisterous recounts of the knights' tavern visits much to the consternation of Elyan. "Do I really want to know this?"

"My lady, there was a man there who looks exactly like King Arthur."

From the corner of her eye, she could see Percy straighten. Her own heart started to speed up, but she tried to speak as calmly as she could. "Probably just a lookalike. My father used to say that everyone had a double somewhere on earth."

"That was my first thought. But I noticed he carries a sword that looks like Excalibur and his rings - he wears a ring that matches yours, my lady."

Her heart thumped. "What are you saying?"

"He calls himself Kay but he's very evasive about his life. Says he moves around a lot."

"You must be mistaken." Her voice was calm but her hands trembled. Suddenly, the emotions she usually kept tightly under wraps threatened to overwhelm her. Why did Rowan have to tell her this? Arthur was dead and there could be a million lookalikes wandering the earth for all she cared. Her eyes met Percival's. "You must be."

Sir Percival stepped forward. "You need to leave, Rowan." With a bow, Rowan left the room. "Gwen, are you alright?"

"It's not Arthur," she said, more for her own benefit than anything.

"I'm sure it's just someone who happens to look like him," Percival agreed. "Look, it's been a long day and Gaius -"

"What if it is him?" She looked at Merlin whose face had gone pale. "What if you thought he was dead but he wasn't?" Her heart pounded in her ears and her breaths came in short bursts.

Anxiety mixed with hope swirled in her stomach. If Arthur was still alive, why hadn't he returned?

"He was dead," Merlin finally said. "He was dead and I laid him to rest. Percival is right. It must be a lookalike."

"But what if you were wrong? What if he's alive? What if - what if he didn't want to come back?" That thought crushed her and she gripped the table, thankful that she was seated. Her emotions were unravelling at the news and she was helpless to stop them.

Merlin took her hands, slowly uncurling her clenched fists. "Arthur promised you he'd never leave you and he would never have broken that promise if he could. You know that in your heart."

Swallowing, Gwen nodded. "I know. I know."

"It's just a coincidence." Percival grunted in agreement.

"But I need to know for sure," she whispered as Percival and Merlin looked worriedly at each other.

* * *

AN: Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feedback. :)


	8. Chapter 8

The council said nothing when Gwen told them she was going to visit the place where Arthur fell. And within the day, she and Merlin were riding out towards the small village which was supposedly home to a man who looked exactly like her late husband.

Merlin was far from pleased.

As the campfire roared between them, Gwen studied Merlin's profile in the flickering light. Tension was clearly written all over it and he refused to meet her eyes.

"Maybe he will just be a lookalike and we'd have had a little trip away from the stress of Camelot," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "It'll be like old times, when the two of us had nothing to worry about except our masters having clean clothes to wear."

Merlin finally tore his gaze from the fire. "I never liked laundry and at least Morgana never wore that finicky armour like Arthur."

Gwen smiled and she played with a twig. "Those were good times, weren't they? I never thought my life would end up like this."

"Sometimes," Merlin said, staring into the fire once again, "I wish I never came to Camelot. That I'd ignored my mother, stayed in Ealdor, helped with the village."

"You had a destiny."

"And so did Arthur." He paused, shifted and Gwen could see that he was about to say something she didn't want to hear. "Gwen, don't - don't get your hopes up, alright?"

Her toes drew a circle in the sand. "You think he's a lookalike."

"I hope it is a lookalike. Because people returning from the dead is never good news."

* * *

Clothed in a dress from her serving days, Gwen blended easily into the crowd at the tavern. A quick scan of the place told her that there was no one who looked like Arthur there and her heart sank. Despite the impossibility of Arthur being alive, deep inside she'd hoped that he had somehow defeated death, the same way he always seemed to so many times before.

"Are you looking for someone?" A friendly woman, a sloshing tankard in one hand, the other on her hip, asked.

"We heard that there was a young man who arrived recently. Blonde, about this tall -"

"Oh," the woman said as her eyes narrowed. "You must mean Kay. Nice fellow, great at hard labour." Her smile wavered and she looked at Gwen and Merlin with blatant curiosity. "Do you know him?"

"We might," offered Merlin. "Where is he?"

"He's in the village ten minutes away. He's helping the blacksmith."

"Well," said Merlin wryly as they made the walk to the village, "this probably means that's not Arthur. He might be able swing a sword relatively well, but making one is a completely different matter."

But the moment Gwen rounded the corner of the blacksmith's cottage, she saw him, his blonde hair falling messily over his eyes, his jaw clenched in concentration. He was hammering indelicately at a piece of metal and with every stroke, her own heart thudded against her ribcage.

It was Arthur. Sir Rowan was right. She was sure of it.

"Gwen," whispered Merlin and she knew he had the same realisation.

In front of them stood Arthur Pendragon, returned from the dead.

* * *

Kay swiped one hand across his forehead, wiping away the sweat that beaded there as he looked out on the village. Of all the odd jobs he did for the village, helping the blacksmith was the most tedious. But they had taken him in as if he was family, fed him and took care of him so it seemed churlish to complain. Still, despite the blacksmith's detailed instructions which made his eyes glaze over, he was still having difficulty shaping the sword.

He was still pounding against the hot metal when he heard the commotion. There wasn't any sense of urgency so it was unlikely to be the dawn raiders. He grabbed it as an excuse to stop his work and peek out of the forge. A small group had gathered around two figures, one a male, the other shrouded in a long, green cloak. Just visitors then, possibly passing merchants. Sighing, he went back to his work.

"You're holding the hammer wrongly."

He looked up into brown eyes. For a moment he thought he saw tears in them but the lady standing in front him blinked and her eyes were dry.

"Are you a blacksmith?" he asked politely. He studied her, the way her dark curls framed her delicate face, the way her eyes stared guilelessly at him, the way her hand held her stomach and desire, strong and almost painful, shot through him. "Because as you can tell, I'm not."

A smile appeared on her face, making her even more beautiful to him. "I can tell."

Her voice trembled and he wondered if she was nervous around him. And if so, why would she approach him? Before he could ask, she stepped closer to him, her light lavender scent drifting to his nose, causing his groin to tighten. A vague sense of familiarity tickled the back of his mind as she approached him. "Here. I'll show you."

His concentration was shot the moment she curled her long fingers around his wrist. She continued to talk, demonstrating how to hammer the metal but all he could focus on was the heat her touch left behind and the brush of her curls against his arm.

Eventually she stopped and took a step back. Her chest heaved, as if she was as affected by his nearness as he was hers. Or perhaps smiting was a tiring endeavour.

"I'm Kay," he rasped, not knowing what else to say as he fought the urge to touch her, to pull her against him, to feel the heat of her touch again, a touch that made him think of home. Only, he had no idea where or what home was.

She smiled but it didn't reach her beautiful brown eyes. "I'm Gwen. And this," she turned and gestured to the skinny man who had been hovering some distance away, "is Ambrose."

He nodded to Ambrose, then turned his attention back to her. "Gwen." He said her name, wonderingly as a memory tugged at the back of his head, but like all the memories he had before, it was slippery and disappeared the moment he paid it any attention. "Are you passing through?"

"Something like that. We thought we might stay a while. Rest." She smiled again but again, it was tinged with sadness. The sudden need to know what made her so sad and to fix it gripped him. She looked at his hands, then to his sword which he kept by his side.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. It's just that your sword looks like it's of exquisite quality. Would you mind if I had a look at it?"

"I'm almost done here. You'll be looking for room at the tavern. Why don't you wait a little and I'll walk the two of you over. You can admire my sword then," he said lightly, wanting to spend more time with her. Perhaps, at the tavern, Amber with her constant good spirits and chatter would make Gwen smile with more happiness. For some reason, this was important to him.

He watched as the two of them glanced at each other, some sort of communication taking place simply through their eyes. Then Ambrose nodded. "It's been a long journey. A drink and some food would be good."

The three of them walked slowly along the path to the tavern. Kay could feel Ambrose's eyes on him every step of the way while Gwen, in contrast, refused to look at him. The walk was an exercise in awkwardness and he almost regretted the offer to take them to the tavern.

"Have you lived here long?" Ambrose asked. "I come from Ealdor, a small village some two days from here."

"Not really," he said, his eyes still on Gwen who was walking slightly ahead. "Is Gwen from Ealdor too?"

"No, she's from Camelot."

"And you two are? You don't have enough goods to be merchants and neither of you look like you are mercenaries."

"We're travellers," said Ambrose vaguely. Kay would have probed more but they reached the tavern and the smell of dinner wafted through the heavy wooden doors, making his stomach growl. Just as he was about to push open the doors, Amber came dashing out from the side of the tavern.

"Kay!" she yelled as she flung herself into his arms. Laughing, he caught her, tickled her sides before swinging her around. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed that Gwen's expression had become almost pained. Her hand once again drifted to her stomach and she looked down. "Are these your friends?"

Gently placing Amber back on the ground, he took her hand. "This is Gwen and this is Ambrose. They're visitors."

"Hello," she smiled broadly. He saw Gwen swallow before slowly kneeling down so that she was eye to eye with Amber.

"Hi. What's your name?"

"Amber. You're pretty. Are you a princess?"

Ambrose shook his head. "If she were a princess, we would be accompanied by knights, wouldn't we?"

"Come Amber. Ambrose and Gwen need a room. Why don't you let your mum know?"

"Yes, Kay. Nice to meet you!" Amber dashed off into the tavern but Gwen still knelt on the muddy ground.

Instinctively, he offered her his hand. After a moment's hesitation, she took it and got up carefully.

"Come, let's go inside." He knew he should let go of her hand but he didn't and she didn't pull away either. He could still feel Ambrose's eyes on him.

* * *

He watched as Gwen's fingers trailed along the flat edge of his blade, lingering at the symbols carved into it. "It's a good sword. I wish I knew who forged it," he said, wanting to break the heavy silence between them. Muriel had agreed to let them two rooms and was preparing dinner for all of them. Ambrose had reluctantly gone to collect the food while Amber sat on his lap, her usual chatter dampened by the strange atmosphere.

"It is. It's one of a kind," Gwen said, a wistfulness in her voice.

Finally Amber piped up. "When I'm older, Kay is going to teach me how to use his sword."

"Really?" said Gwen, smiling. "I'm sure Kay is a brilliant swordsman. He'll be a brilliant teacher as well."

"He is! He taught me how to swim! But I can't go to the deep part of the lake without him."

Gwen's eyes met his and she smiled slightly. "That's wonderful."

"It's no big deal," he said.

Just then, Ambrose returned with their food. "What's no big deal?"

"Amber was just telling me what a good teacher Art - Kay is."

Ambrose said nothing but laid out the plates. "Let's eat. We have a long night and day ahead of us," he said brusquely, leaving Kay to wonder again about the sudden mood changes that kept happening.

Dinner was easily the most uncomfortable one he could remember. While Amber and Gwen kept up a constant, if superficial, conversation, Ambrose kept darting glances at him. Kay had the strangest feeling that Ambrose knew him, yet Ambrose said nothing.

Popping the final piece of bread into his mouth was a relief. Amber had finished and was regaling Gwen with a story of her adventures in what she called the dark forest. Kay watched as Gwen listened, smiled and nodded as if Amber was the most interesting story-teller, asking questions when needed and he couldn't help but smile at the way Amber preened under the attention. His eyes travelled to Gwen's face, gazing at the pools of brown that held so much sadness that she tried to hide, down to her lips. Her dark curls were tied neatly in a braid and his hands itched to free them, wanting to see how she looked with her curls loose around her face. She was beautiful and he couldn't help the pull of attraction he felt. He shifted slightly, knocking his hand against the table, and he glanced down at his hand.

Immediately guilt hit him. He likely had a wife somewhere, one he hadn't had much success in finding. Guilt tugged at him again. Deep inside he knew, after the first few days when he'd practically interrogated every passing merchant, he hadn't done a lot to discover who he was. There was a vague plan to go to Camelot but there was always reason he couldn't leave Helb. And the longer he stayed, the more he wondered if it was easier to just start over here rather than chase shadows.

"Come, Amber. Clear the table. It's almost bedtime." It wasn't really but sitting at the table with Ambrose and Gwen was making everything too complicated and confusing. Surely, if they knew him, they would have said so by now. And if they didn't, why was he feeling this way around them?

Amber grumbled at his instructions but slid off his lap and picked up some of the plates. Kay grabbed the rest, muttering a quick goodbye before disappearing behind the bar where Muriel stood.

"Those two new guests really like you. The female especially. I see the way she looks at you," teased Muriel as she took the dishes from Kay.

"I like her too!" said Amber.

Laughing Muriel ruffled her hair. "I've yet to meet someone you don't like, Amber."

* * *

AN: I am overwhelmed by the lovely, lovely comments. Thank you. Also, the next bit might take a bit longer. Sorry!


	9. Chapter 9

Merlin retired to his room but Gwen was far too worked up to sleep. Promising Merlin she wouldn't go too far, she tugged a shawl around her shoulders and walked out into the cool night air.

Stars blinked down at her and she allowed that little bit of hope that had been building in her the moment she laid eyes on Arthur in the forge, freedom. She remembered how she used to think of Arthur looking down at her from the heavens. And how in moments, of selfishness, she'd wished he hadn't loved Camelot so much. But now, he was alive and well. Yes, he didn't seem to have his memories but surely time would fix that. Maybe if not time, then magic. Her mind drifted to how she'd broken an enchantment that had taken hold of them with a kiss. Perhaps a kiss would do the trick again.

In the cocoon of darkness, Gwen could finally consider what this meant for her and for Camelot. Memories of Arthur with Amber, his easy chatter and affectionate touches, went through her mind and she smiled in the darkness.

"Your father is back," she whispered as she rubbed her stomach. Her smile widened. "Your father is back," she said again, letting both relief and happiness flow through her. Arthur would be able to deal with the council and the fighting kingdoms. Her child would have a father and most importantly, she wouldn't be alone.

Footsteps sounded behind her and she turned, thinking it was Merlin checking up on her.

It was Arthur.

* * *

He could feel her hands tracing the line of his waistband, her tongue playing with his earlobe. She bit it playfully, then groaned when he cupped her bum through her shift. Small kisses were pressed against his jaw as her hands went lower, brushing lightly against his length but never fully touching him.

"Tease," he hissed, lips curling into a smile as his eyes closed, submitting to her ministrations.

Her breath puffed against his cheek when she laughed softly, moving to his throat to press more warm kisses on him. He opened his eyes. Her face was hidden in his neck but he could see her hair.

Her dark curls.

He shot up in bed, his chest rising and falling

The moon winked at him through his window, as if privvy to Kay's inappropriate dreams and he groaned, well aware that he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep again, not when he was awashed with need. Need for the woman sleeping in the room next to his. Was she even available? Was he even available? They had no more than an hour worth of interaction, so why was he so consumed by her? Confused and frustrated, he eased himself quietly out of bed, aware of the thin walls that separated the rooms. By now, he was familiar enough with the corridors to pad out of the tavern in the darkness, in search for some fresh air.

As he turned the corner, he saw her. He blinked, convinced it was a vision, borne from his desires, but it was her.

Her figure was silhouetted against the moon, her curls, released from their braid, danced in the light night breeze. Yet her postured revealed a sadness deep inside and while the smart thing to do would be to leave her to her thoughts, Kay found himself moving towards her.

He knew the moment she sensed his presence. Tightening her cloak around her, she turned. With the moonlight on her skin, her hair loose around her face, she looked like an ethereal princess. His body, again, reacted with desire, his skin tightening not just because of the cool air. Somehow he managed to make himself move, nodding in greeting and her returning smile filled him with warmth. She had to be someone precious to him. Why else was he reacting this way to her? But why was she acting as if she didn't know him? The thought that, perhaps, she no longer wanted him back in her life hit him and he stilled.

"Kay," she whispered, the word imbued with meaning he couldn't fathom.

Her whisper started him walking towards her, stopping only when he was a breath away, her lavender scent surrounding him. She didn't move away, instead lifting her hand to gently touch his cheek. He trapped her hand against his cheek with his, marvelling at how perfectly her smaller hand fit under his. Her eyes locked with his, those sad brown eyes that made his heart ache.

Then his eyes dropped to her lips.

She licked them.

With a harsh groan, he dipped his head and kissed her. It was brief, gentle and as he pulled away, something settled in his heart, something light, something warm and he couldn't help the smile that formed.

"Arthur," she sighed when their contact broke.

Kay took a step back, the warmth he was feeling just moments earlier dissipating. "Arthur?"

Her eyes snapped opened, her hand flying to her mouth as she took a step back.

"Who is Arthur?"

"This - this wasn't how - Merlin -" She stopped and drew in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -"

"Who is Arthur?" He asked with more urgency, his hands grasping her upper arms, suddenly convinced that the answer to this question was the key to his past. She was the key to his past.

She looked at him, her gaze gentle. "You."

The breath he didn't realise he was holding whooshed out of him, a weight lifted off his heart. He was Arthur, possibly the husband of this woman in front of him. He smiled. "I'm Arthur. I didn't know." Then he laughed, suddenly overwhelmed with affection for Gwen and gratitude that something had brought them here to Helb where he was. "I have so many questions!"

But Gwen looked troubled, stepping out of his hold and moving slightly away. Once again, the thought that she wanted nothing to do with him shot through him.

"Gwen," he frowned, uncertain. If he was her husband, shouldn't she be happy to see him? Or perhaps they weren't happily married as he always assumed. Or perhaps she wasn't his wife. Had he been having an affair? The thought made him sick, but who knew what kind of person he was before he lost his memory?

"We have to talk," she said quite seriously, still standing much too far from him. Her brow was furrowed and she bit her lip in nervousness, causing whatever excitement he felt just moments ago to disappear. She didn't look like she had anything good to tell him. All his fears came rising to the surface.

* * *

He didn't remember. She'd kissed him with all the love she had for him and he didn't remember.

His eyes wary, he sat gingerly on the bench nearby when she gestured, then she followed suit. Not knowing where to start - did she tell him he was King Arthur of Camelot, did she tell him that it seemed like he had returned from the dead, did she tell him he was going to be a father - she said nothing, trying to sort out her thoughts, angry at herself for not listening to Merlin.

"Who am I to you?"

"You're my husband," she said quietly.

"Your husband," he repeated. Then his smile rivalled the brightness of the stars and Gwen never knew she could feel such happiness again. "I like that. Were you looking for me?"

Still smiling, she nodded. "Yes. Mer - Ambrose and I – he's your best friend – we heard rumours that someone who looked like my husband was living here and so we made the journey here to find out if they were true."

"So why didn't you say something earlier?"

She wanted to tell him it was complicated but he deserved better than that. Finally, she confessed, hoping he didn't think her out of her mind. "Because what do you do when you come face to face with someone you thought had been dead for two months?"

"Dead?" He looked at her. Even with the shadows on his face, she could sense his shock and disbelief. Whatever he had thought of, it clearly wasn't this.

Memories of Leon and Percival delivering the news of Arthur's death surfaced and she bit her lip, blinking back tears. Merlin was right. This didn't make any sense. If there had been a chance of Arthur still alive, Merlin would never have left his side. So why was Arthur now sitting next to her, as alive as he could be? In her joy at the possibility that Arthur was still alive, she hadn't taken Merlin's concerns seriously.

"Yes. There was a battle and we thought you'd died in it. Ambrose – he thought – he said that he'd buried you and – I don't understand," she sobbed as the tears she'd held back for so long, found their escape.

Arthur didn't laugh at her story nor did he recoil in shock or horror. Instead, he put his arm around her and tucked her into his side, into his familiar warmth. Turning her head, she cried into his shoulder as he murmured comfort, tentatively rubbing her back. She cried for his lost memories, for the months she'd lived thinking he was dead, for all they had suffered.

"Come, let's go back and get some rest. We can talk about this tomorrow," he said when her tears eventually dried and all that was left of her sobs were hiccups and short breaths. His hands cradled her face and after a moment's hesitation, he brushed his lips across hers. "If it helps, I'm happy that I'm married to you. I knew you were important the moment I saw you."


	10. Chapter 10

When the knock came, he expected it to be Gwen who he suspected had been avoiding him the whole day. Instead, it was Ambrose. He raised one eyebrow, then stepped aside to let his supposedly best friend in.

"Gwen says she told you."

Arthur laughed at the obvious statement. "Doesn't half the tavern know this by now? I heard them whisper as I walked through earlier. Although Danny did still call me Kay," he mused.

Without asking, Ambrose picked his sword up and plopped himself on the bed. "So."

Sitting on the only other available space in the small room – a small chair, Arthur looked expectantly at Ambrose, as Ambrose turned his sword around and ran a hand over the blade. He took in the man's drawn face, the suspicion in his eyes and the flat line of his mouth and he knew. "You think I'm lying." Arthur said flatly. "That somehow I'm pretending to be this Arthur person."

"If it helps, I don't think you're doing it on purpose."

Frowning, Arthur stared at Ambrose. This was his best friend? This humourless, paranoid person? "Why would I pretend to be Arthur?"

"A lot of people would love to be Arthur," Ambrose said cryptically.

"It's certainly not because they want you as a best friend."

Ambrose's lips quirked, almost as if he wanted to smile. "Gwen said we were best friends?"

"She did, although I can't imagine why." Arthur leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "So if you think I'm pretending to be Arthur, why are you here?"

"I don't suppose you've spoken to any magic folks recently."

"No. And why would I? All I've heard about them is how destructive they are."

Emotions scuttled across Ambrose's face but before Arthur could make sense of them, Merlin quickly schooled his face into something more neutral. "That's a prevailing thought."

"You don't think they are destructive?"

Ambrose shrugged. "How about strange pools of water? Had any encounters with them?"

"No. Look, I woke up in the forest without my memory. Aside from the fact that I clearly have sword skills and am married, I know nothing else." Frustration bubbled in him and Arthur dragged a hand through his hair. Ambrose was decidedly odd and for some reason, both Gwen and Ambrose were being awfully vague about his history even though it was more than obvious that they knew a lot more.

"Mind if I look at your wedding ring?"

"I do mind actually," he gritted out. "What's with the questions?"

"I just need to make sure you really are Arthur. Gwen, she can't lose you twice." Ambrose's voice cracked slightly. "And neither can I."

All the anger and frustration drained out of him immediately. Silently he pulled off the rings on his fingers and placed them in Ambrose's open palm. Curiously he watched as Ambrose closed his hand around them, and then his eyes. He might have murmured something but Arthur wasn't sure.

"Here." Ambrose passed the rings back to him. "It would seem that you really are Arthur."

Trying to lighten the mood, Arthur quipped. "I can't have been a very good friend if you sound so miserable about it."

"You were the best friend, Arthur." With those solemn words, Ambrose rose from the bed and walked out of the room.

* * *

Gwen looked out of the cracked window, watching as various people went about their day, the rhythm of village life in full swing. She missed this life. Would it be so bad if she stayed here with Arthur? She shook the foolish thought from her head and rubbed her stomach, Exhaustion was claiming her more often these days, not helped by the sleepless night she'd just endured, and it was making her thoughts silly.

She didn't turn when the door to her room opened. Amber had just left the tavern, a bucket in hand. Moments later, Arthur walked out. Her heart clenched almost painfully and she instinctively put a hand to her stomach. "So, is he Arthur?"

"There doesn't appear to be dark magic involved. At least I can't sense any dark magic in use here. And that sword is definitely Excalibur - I could feel the magic."

"And yet, you're still not convinced." Her hand cradled her stomach gently. "It is him, Merlin. I know it's him, not a shade or a ghost. Somehow, he's alive."

"He was dead, Gwen. I saw him die with my own eyes, felt him breathe his last breath. There may be magic in the world, but none that is strong enough to fully raise the dead."

"He doesn't remember us," she said, ignoring the warning in Merlin's tone.

"No, he doesn't appear to. Look, Gwen, we must be careful. There are still those loyal to Morgana."

It was childish, petulant in fact but Gwen turned away, not wanting to listen to Merlin's dampening words.

"Gwen," Merlin placed a hand on her shoulder, "what do you want to do?"

"I want to go home, to Camelot. I want Arthur to remember everything. I want to tell him I'm pregnant with the child we always dreamed about. But I can't have anything I want, can I?" Hot tears pricked the back of her eyes again. Maybe it was her pregnancy, maybe it was the stress of everything, maybe it was realising Arthur wasn't dead after all but she could barely keep her emotions from breaking through her carefully practised facade the past few days.

Kneeling in front of her chair, Merlin rubbed her arm gently. "Perhaps we should break the news to him - that's he's the King. Then we can return to Camelot."

"But you don't trust him. And you have a point," she conceded.

"It's not him I don't trust. I don't trust the forces that brought him back."

Gwen let her head fall against the cool glass and sighed. "Didn't you say he would rise when Albion needed him most?"

Merlin laughed without humour. "I don't think two months later was what they had in mind."

"I know." Then she sighed again. "He has a lot of questions. I think it's time we told him some things. If there are darker forces at work, then it's better he is with us, where we can keep an eye on him."

* * *

"Why are you lying here?" Amber's face loomed over his as she kicked some dirt at him.

"I'm thinking," Arthur muttered, throwing his arm across his eyes.

"Mum said that she heard Gwen and that skinny guy talking." She squatted down next to him, her voice dropping to a whisper. "They said you were dead."

"Obviously, I am not dead." He adored Amber but he wasn't quite in the mood to humour her at the moment.

She sat herself down. "Maybe you're a ghost. Danny once told me this story about how his wife died and –"

He moved his arm from his face. "You mean Old Danny? You're too old to believe what he says."

"But if you are dead then maybe –"

"I'm not dead."

"But you could be."

Arthur sat up and glared down at Amber. "Do dead people do this?" he said before tickling her, smiling when she squealed and kicked out at him. "Hmm? Do they?"

"No! No!" laughed Amber, holding her arms up in the universal signal of surrender. "I'm sorry!"

He let her go, ruffling her hair. When she climbed into his lap, he merely slipped an arm around her waist and held her.

"Did you really forget who you are?"

"Mmm."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was too complicated."

Arthur could imagine the pout on her face when she replied sulkily. "Everyone always says that." Then she twisted to look at him. "You won't forget me, will you?"

"Forget you?"

Amber nodded. "Yes. Mum says Gwen and that skinny guy know you, so you'll be going to Camelot with her, won't you?" Arthur rolled his eyes inwardly. Muriel heard far too much and she talked just as much. Amber suddenly brightened. "Maybe I can come with you! And I can meet the Queen and –"

"Shall we go swimming? It's a lovely morning." He asked in an attempt to change the subject. Amber's eyes lit up and she nodded. Jumping out of his lap, she called out the usual taunt before dashing for the lake. As he watched her run off, something ached in him.

* * *

Gwen was glad she insisted they answer Arthur's questions in his room, small as it was. She sat on the creaky bed, balancing her bowl of gruel on her lap while Merlin and Arthur sat on the floor. Arthur didn't seem affected by her revelation last night and she took that as a good sign. As she watched Arthur shovel the gruel into his mouth, she couldn't help her smile.

"What is it?" Arthur asked, his mouth still full of food.

She started, unaware that he was watching her. "Nothing much. I just remembered how you hated such food. Once upon a time, you'd rather starve."

Arthur made a noise in his throat. "I must have been difficult to cook for then."

"Very," muttered Merlin.

Then silence fell upon them again, only the clatter of their spoons against the bowls marring it. She couldn't help darting glances at Arthur, with his golden hair and skin, his warm lips and strong hands. He looked every bit the husband she lost but he wasn't. Not completely and that scared her. He wasn't about to slip easily back into life with her in Camelot.

"Right," Arthur placed his now empty bowl on the wooden floor next to him. "I guess we need to talk. So far, I know that I'm your husband and I suppose that means I am from Camelot as well. And you," he waved his hand at Merlin, "are my best friend but you live in Ealdor?"

"Ah, no," said Gwen as she slid her bowl aside, ignoring Merlin's concerned look when he noticed her bowl was practically untouched. "We all live in Camelot."

"And what is it we do for a living?" He smiled. "I can't possibly be a blacksmith since I'm horrible at it. Perhaps I'm a guard for hire? I've come to realise that I'm very good with a sword. It's the only reason the people of Helb keep me here."

Gwen looked at Merlin who gestured for her to continue. "Actually, we live in the castle."

"I'm a knight?" The awe in his eyes was a sight to behold. How often had Arthur been awed by anything? "Not that it's surprising. If I were the King, I'd hire me as well."

Merlin chuckled. "I see death hasn't made you any less humble."

A pillow flew across the room, hitting Merlin on the head.

Gwen laughed, drinking in the familiar scene as Merlin rolled his eyes and grumbled about how things never changed.

"So I'm Sir Arthur?" He stretched his legs out, a smug smile on his face. "Am I the head knight?"

"Not really." This was it. "You're the King."

The smile slid from his face and he stared at her, before looking at Merlin. Then he laughed, a deep full-bellied laugh. "Fine, maybe I was a little too smug but seeing that I'd been worrying that I was a bandit, you can forgive my delight."

"You really are the King," repeated Merlin. "And she is your wife, Queen Guinevere."

For a while, Arthur said nothing, his eyes on Gwen. But there was no twinkle in her eyes and her mouth remained tense.

"You're lying. If you're the Queen, then how can you travel all the way here without guards?" Arthur glance briefly at Merlin. "Ambrose here looks like a gust of wind can blow him over."

"Arthur," Gwen reached out a hand. "It's true. Surely you've heard people talk about the battle that happened at Camlann and how their king died there fighting for all of Albion. That king is you and we all believed you were dead."

He stood, his face still a mask of disbelief. "No. I can't be King and I'm most definitely not the great King Arthur." Without waiting for an answer, he walked out of the room.

The door shut firmly and with it, Gwen's heart broke. She blinked, the familiar feel of tears in her eyes again, refusing to cry again in front of Merlin. "This was a mistake." They should have left everything well alone. She should be back in Camelot keeping an eye on things. Not here, chasing dreams that she should never have dreamed of in the first place.

"I don't know if we did the right thing," said Merlin, "but we have to finish this talk with him."

* * *

Much later, Gwen found him sitting on that rickety bench with Amber on his knee. For a while, she lingered in the shadows of the tavern, watching as Arthur indulged Amber with stories he obviously made up, about knights and big, ugly monster that were part bear and part lion. His voice changed as he narrated the story, mimicking the various characters involved. She thought of the child growing within her, feeling irrationally jealous of Amber.

"Why are all the knights boys? I want to be a knight too."

Arthur's laugh floated to her. "I thought you wanted to be a princess."

"Why can't I be both?"

"Why not? I'm sure you can be both a princess and a knight."

Amber nodded happily before breaking into a yawn.

"Alright, off to bed." Arthur set her on the ground, gave her a squeeze and pushed her gently towards the tavern. "Good night."

"Night," Amber murmured, rubbing her eyes, as she disappeared.

As Gwen hesitated, wondering whether to approach Arthur, she heard him call out. "I know you're there Gwen."

"I thought I was being quiet," she said as she sat down on the bench next to him.

He smiled slightly. "Perhaps it's because we're married. I can always sense you around. I can feel your eyes on me." His voice gentled. "It must have been hard, the last few months."

"I had a kingdom to run so I never really had a chance to sit down and think about it." She looked at him, took a deep breath and confessed. "I missed you."

He tilted his head and looked at the sky, his hand reaching for hers. "I guess it's true then."

"That you're the king? I'm not lying to you."

"No," he said softly, squeezing her hand. "You wouldn't lie to me. I know that."

This time, the silence that fell between them was comfortable, broken only by the occasional noise from the tavern when the door opened. The breeze kissed her face, lifting her curls and the growing darkness seemed to cocoon them from the rest of the world. His hand held hers gently. His thumb brushing across the back of her hand and Gwen let hope blossom in her heart. Perhaps he didn't remember anything about his life before, but he was still her husband, the man she loved and perhaps they would make this work.

"When I awoke without my memory," he said, his voice hushed, "I was lying in the mud in the middle of the forest. All I had were my sword and the rings and I knew they were the keys to my past. But I'd thought I was a mercenary. In more pessimistic moods, I wondered if I was a bandit. I never thought I was king."

Her lips curled into a smile. "You were born to be king. It is your destiny and despite your grumbles, you loved it."

"Destiny is a big word."

"I know but you wore it well."

Arthur sighed. "I guess Ambrose is really Merlin - my magical sidekick? There's a lot of stories about him being told here – some flattering, some not so flattering."

Gwen laughed at that. "Who have you been talking to? He's nobody's sidekick." Her laughter faded. "He's the most powerful warlock of our time."

A frown appeared on Arthur's face. "I don't understand. If Merlin is a powerful warlock and my best friend, why was magic still punishable by death just a few months ago? And why is everyone still so afraid of magic? What kind of hypocrite am I?"

"No one knew about his magic until the last battle."

Arthur's frown deepened. "He kept it a secret? For how long?"

"This is probably something you need to talk to him about," said Gwen, slightly uncomfortable with the questions.

Releasing her hand, Arthur rubbed his forehead. "I have so many questions."

"I know. Come back to Camelot," urged Gwen. "Maybe things will be clearer there."

"If I return to Camelot, everyone will know who I am. They will expect things of me, things I can't deliver." Gwen could hear the slight panic in his voice. "Gwen, I don't remember anything of my life before that moment I woke in the forest. I'm not the Arthur who knows how to be king. I'm not the Arthur who was born for that role."

And he was right Gwen realised with a sinking heart. Perhaps he looked like Arthur, even had the sword and rings that Arthur had, and possibly his personality but with his memories gone, he knew as much about being king as Muriel did.

"You know what I wish?" Gwen finally said, breaking the silence that had developed between them. "I wish we were just two ordinary people who lived in a village like this. I'd be a blacksmith and you'd be my assistant and we'd have a dozen little children."

His soft laugh lifted her spirits slightly. "You know, that sounds really good. But that's not going to happen, is it?"

"I could abdicate."

He turned his head and she could feel his gaze on her. "I have only known you for two days, but I know that isn't something you can do with a clear conscience."

Ignoring the ache in her heart at the reminder that Arthur didn't remember her, she smiled wanly at him. "You're probably right." She peered at him, taking in the familiar outline of his face, the curve of his lips, the slight dusting of a shadow along his jawline.

"I'm sorry I walked out on you and Merlin."

She said nothing, dragging her eyes from his profile to stare at the stars. The tavern door opened a few more times, letting out various people. Some noticed them in the shadows, called a hearty farewell to Arthur, or Kay as he was known, before going on their way. Eventually, the lights in the tavern dimmed.

"I need to return to Camelot soon. Will you come with us?"

Arthur shifted in his seat, rubbed the back of his neck then stared up into the sky. "It's just all so sudden."

"Don't you want to return?" She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. "I thought you were happy to be married to me."

"I am. That we have a strong bond, I have no doubts. I feel it even though I don't remember much. But to go to Camelot to be king?" He sucked in a breath. "I don't know."

"But you are king." A cold hand closed around her heart and she looked at him. "And my husband."

Arthur looked at her, uncertainty in his eyes. "Gwen - Everyone thinks I'm dead. I don't know how to be king. I don't remember anything. How can I go back?"

"I know you're not dead," she whispered. But even in her heartbreak and disappointment, she couldn't fault his reaction. The day Arthur placed the crown on her head, she had been terrified, spending the months beforehand second guessing her decision to marry him. And she'd years to prepare for it.

"Give me some time." He took her hand, his thumb rubbing across the back. "Please."

It was all he had for her and as she stood to return to the tavern, she felt as if she'd lost Arthur all over again.

* * *

AN: Thank you for the comments!

AN2: Ugh, my apologies but I messed up Merlin's names in the fic. Sorry. It should be fixed now. Thank you Insanityisgood for pointing it out to me.


	11. Chapter 11

"I was thinking of sending Amber to Camelot." Muriel said as she wiped down the counter. "There's no future here, running a tavern."

Arthur looked up from the tankard he'd been staring into, thinking about all the revelations in his life over the span of two days. "Camelot?"

"I spoke to Gwen. She says that if I am sure, she's sure she can find Amber a position in the castle."

"She's a little young," said Arthur.

"Well, then, perhaps you could keep an eye on her." No longer wiping the counters, Muriel leaned against a wall, her arms crossed as she looked at him. "For a man who was so eager to find out who he was, you're running away from it pretty fast."

"You're sending Amber away just to make me go to Camelot?"

Muriel snorted. "I don't care that much for you, Kay. But I care about Amber and working in the castle will give her more opportunities than staying here. Since King Arthur took the throne, it's not just nobles who get to be promoted in the castle."

Arthur huffed, then took a long drink from the tankard. "You think I should go to Camelot."

"I don't know why you're not. You're finally close to discovering who you are and suddenly you're running scared."

"Can you keep a secret?" Arthur asked after a moment. Perhaps Muriel would understand.

"I kept your memory loss a secret, didn't I?" Muriel tossed the rag into a bucket, then crossed her arms again. "What is it?"

"I'm King Arthur of Camelot."

"And I'm Queen Guinevere," said Muriel with a shake of her head. "Have you drank too much mead?"

Arthur darted a look round the tavern just to make sure they were alone. "I really am the King of Camelot and Gwen is the Queen. Gwen – Guinevere?"

The stunned look on Muriel's face was almost amusing, but the weight of being king to a land he barely knew led Arthur to down the rest of his drink. He liked Gwen a lot. The moment he first laid eyes on her in the smithy, he'd been smitten. And when she'd talked with him that night, revealing that they were married, he'd been happy. He would get to know her again and she would fill in the blanks of his memory, and they would continue to live as a family.

Only, as it turned out, things were a lot more complicated than that.

"If you truly are the King of Camelot, then you need to return. Camelot needs you."

Shoving the empty tankard towards Muriel, Arthur let his frustration get the better of him. "What do you think will happen? That I'll waltz back into Camelot and somehow solve all her problems? No one seems to understand that I don't know how to be king."

"Gwen and Ambrose – surely they will help you."

They would, Arthur knew. But they would also expect things of him, things he didn't know if he could deliver. The potential that he would be, at best, a disappointment or worse, detrimental to a kingdom Gwen loved fiercely, made him feel slightly sick.

He felt Muriel's hand on his. "In all the time I've known you, you've never been a coward and you've always done the right thing."

He stood, pulling his hand away. Already the weight was wearing him down. "Those were the easy things, Muriel. Come, I'll help you close up."

As the cold night air swirled around him, Arthur leaned against the rough stone of the tavern's wall. Muriel hadn't said anything else as they closed up the tavern. When she went to her room, Arthur wandered outside – for fresh air and with the foolish hope that Gwen would be there, waiting, despite how their talk had ended earlier.

She wasn't there, probably back in her room getting ready to leave Helb.

With a sigh, Arthur settled himself on the bench. It would be so easy to stay here. There were many things he could do in the village. And he liked the small village defence group he was putting together. He closed his eyes and thought of Gwen. It was so easy to picture her face.

He might not want to be king, but he suspected losing Gwen would be something he'd regret forever.

* * *

Slowly, Gwen placed her clothes into her bag. She'd been in Helb for almost three days and with a three day journey back to Camelot, they couldn't afford to stay on much longer. Soon, the council would start to ask difficult questions and it wasn't fair for Leon to have to bear the brunt of that, even with Merlin magically checking in with them periodically. Merlin hadn't said anything in response to her flat retelling of her conversation with Arthur aside from hugging her tightly. The next day, she pleaded sickness and stayed in the room, occasionally looking out of the window, hoping to catch sight of Arthur. But he too stayed away.

"All packed?" Merlin stepped into the room, his brow furrowed.

"Yes. Have you settled up with Muriel? Is Amber all ready?"

"Yes to both. Muriel packed us some supplies for our journey. Are you sure we should be travelling with Amber?"

Turning to fuss with her bag, Gwen nodded. "Muriel wants Amber to have a better life in Camelot. I know how that feels. It's why my father got me that job in the castle."

"Are you ready to leave?" Merlin reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want to say goodbye -"

"Gwen, Merlin." Arthur stood at the door, his presence immediately making the room feel even smaller.

Her heart sank. She didn't want to say goodbye. She wanted to slip off quietly and forget she ever came to Helb, forget about all the foolish hopes she'd secretly carried. Still, years of being queen meant she was able to smile and greet him warmly.

Then she noticed he had a pack with him.

"You're coming?"

Shrugging, Arthur looked away. "Something like that. I know Merlin's a powerful warlock and all but really, he looks like he'd faint at the first sight of blood. I'll escort you and Amber at least to the border."

"I heard that!" Merlin spun around to face Arthur. "You have no idea what I can do to you."

Arthur straightened at Merlin's words, his hand immediately going for Excalibur. "I'm not afraid of your magic," he said.

Gwen's eyes flew to Merlin whose good humour had faded quickly. "You should be," Merlin said, a hardness in his tone "Your sword is no match -"

"You're free to ride with us," interrupted Gwen quickly. "I'm sure Amber will be pleased."

Distracted, Arthur stopped glaring at Merlin and turned his attention back to Gwen. "She's nervous and very excited. Thank you for doing this for her."

"It's nothing much," said Gwen, trying to sound calm in face of confirmation that it was Amber he was riding to Camelot for. What had she sunk to, being jealous of a young girl?

He stepped closer. "It's not nothing. I heard you tell Muriel you'd personally look after her."

She could feel the heat from his body, smell his familiar scent, the one that had finally faded from her sheets weeks ago. His fingers brushed gently across her cheek and she looked into his eyes. "She's young and will be without her family. It is the least I can do."

His fingers stilled and he cupped her cheek. Giving in, Gwen allowed herself to lean into his touch. "I can see why I love you," he murmured as his eyes darkened. She wondered if Arthur could hear her heart thumping.

Something fell over, crashing onto the wooden floorboards.

Merlin grinned sheepishly.

"We'll set off in an hour," said Arthur briskly, moving away from Gwen. "I'll see you at the stables."

At their murmured agreement, he left the room.

"No memories and he's still acts like he's king," grumbled Merlin, picking up the book he'd dropped.

She stilled at Merlin's words. "That's the problem isn't it? The fact that he can't remember anything. That's why he won't return to Camelot."

The look Merlin gave her articulated the obviousness of her statement.

"We just need to get his memory back. Surely -"

Merlin took a step back, arms raised. "You want me to use magic on Arthur?"

"I - " she faltered. As much as she trusted Merlin, she still found it difficult to trust magic. "I don't know. Would it be dangerous?"

"I've only ever done temporary spells on him. Anything more permanent -" he trailed off, letting her fill in the blanks herself. "But perhaps, he just needs something jolt his memory. Something familiar. And maybe we'll discover why he's back."

"You still don't trust him."

"I don't trust his return."

* * *

AN: The chapter is a little short. Sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

The lush canopy provided shelter from the blazing sun as they wound their way through the forest, the only sounds coming from their sniffing horses and the dull thread of their hooves on the damp ground. The horses cantered calmly along the well-worn path towards Camelot. Her hair, teased out of the bun she'd tied them in by the wind, fluttered against her face and Gwen breathed in deeply, enjoying the musky scent of the forest that tickled her nostrils. She'd always found riding relaxing, the rhythmic movement of the horse, the fresh air, the wide open spaces – riding gave her a freedom she didn't experience elsewhere.

Only despite her best attempts, during this ride, Gwen was achingly aware that just a short distance away, rode Arthur and she found herself sneaking glances at him, then turning away flushed when he caught her eye. She really needed to stop acting like a young girl in love again.

"How long till we get to Camelot?" asked Amber for the fifth time.

"It'll be at least another two days," said Arthur, his arms tightening around a sleepy Amber. "Right Merlin?"

Merlin just grunted.

"I would have thought you'd be pleased to be returning to Camelot," said Arthur.

"I'm thrilled," said Merlin flatly before he tugged at his reigns, urging his horse to move faster.

Arthur's horse moved nearer to hers. "He's not very friendly, is he?"

"He's just worried."

"Worried? Are there problems back home?"

Her head knew Arthur was just being curious, asking out of politeness, but her heart wondered if Arthur felt any connection to the land he was born to rule. "Just the usual border disputes," said Gwen, unwilling to give voice to her concerns. Merlin's guardedness around Arthur only served to make her more circumspect in her dealings with him.

"Do you ever stop worrying about your kingdom?"

"Only for the briefest moments," said Gwen. Unsaid was how many of those moments were time spent with Arthur, curled in his arms, ensconced in their bed, discussing the most mundane of things. The last time, they had been arguing over whether it was better to sleep above or below the covers in summer. A lump formed in her throat.

Arthur's quiet voice intruded. "Must be tiring. Being Queen."

"It's not always bad." And it hadn't been when Arthur was alive, when they watched Camelot blossom under their rule. "It's not," she repeated.

"Tell me more about Camelot."

"Camelot is wide, blue skies and lush forests. She withstood wars, protected her people during dark times. She's children playing in the courtyard, people working towards a better future. She's where commoners can aspire to be knights, where a servant can be a queen, where you can be anything you want."

"She's hope," said Arthur.

"She is hope." Gwen smiled, her heart lifting at his words. Arthur may claim to remember nothing but Gwen knew then that Camelot was still a part of him. Merlin was wrong. He was Arthur.

Amber stirred, and Arthur turned his attention to her, adjusting her gently until she settled. He looked up, their eyes locking. A shiver ran through her and she was sure Arthur felt the same when he suddenly looked away.

"There's a clearing ahead. Looks like a great place to stop for the night," called Merlin from the front.

* * *

As Gwen knelt in front of the smothering wood, she was acutely aware of Arthur's eyes on her. Her hands became clumsy and it took her more tries than usual to get a fire going.

"Why doesn't Merlin use his magic to light a fire?" He perched on a fallen log having just settled Amber down. "Seems it would be easier."

Gwen's eyes darted to where Merlin stood watering the horses. "Habit? I usually start the fires. You weren't very good at it."

Amusement flared in his eyes. "What was I good at?"

"Besides being a general pain?" Merlin, obviously eavesdropping, yelled over. His attempt at humour was half-hearted and Arthur merely looked slightly confused.

Amber stirred next to them, stuffing her thumb into her mouth before settling into sleep again.

"She so young," Arthur murmured.

"I was her age when I went to work in the castle." The fire had finally sprung to life and Gwen stood, wiping her hands down the brown pants she wore before making her way to the fallen log. Her hands brushed against the rough bark as she sat down.

"Tell me."

Gwen's startled eyes met his.

"I should get to know you, shouldn't I?"

Shifting so she sat more comfortably, Gwen absently picked up a twig. "My father was a blacksmith in the lower town. He sent me to work in the royal kitchens when I was nine. Mum had died -"

Merlin returned, pots in hand. He looked from Arthur to Gwen. "Dinner?" he asked.

"You cooking?" asked Gwen with a smile.

With a roll of his eyes, Merlin sighed. "Of course. Can't expect the King and Queen to."

"Merlin -"

Merlin shot Gwen a smile. "I was just teasing." But when his eyes moved to Arthur, the smile faded. "What were you two talking about?"

"Arthur was just asking about when I started working at the castle. It seems so long ago," Gwen said.

"Bet you never thought you'd be queen," Merlin said lightly as he stirred something in the pot. His voice gentled. "I'm glad you are queen though."

"I did dream of being a princess," she laughed. Her eyes met Arthur's and her laugh faded at the intensity in his expression. The twig broke in her hand and she let it drop.

Merlin cleared his throat.

Arthur was the first to break eye contact. "What about you Merlin? When did you come to Camelot?"

With some reluctance, Merlin told him of how he'd gone to Camelot to learn under Gaius and how they first met.

"So, as a reward, you got to be my manservant?" Amusement and confusion warred in Arthur's voice and Gwen couldn't help her smile. "You must have been an awful servant."

"The worst you've ever had," retorted Merlin.

When Arthur laughed in response, Gwen felt the tension that had built between Arthur and Merlin through the day ease slightly.

"This probably means your cooking is terrible as well," sighed Arthur.

"I wouldn't dare subject you to it," replied Merlin, with far too much innocence in his voice.

"Give it here." Arthur reached for the pot but Merlin deftly put his body between Arthur and the pot.

Arthur scowled before sitting back on the log.

Merlin passed a bowl to Gwen who thanked him, mirth colouring her voice. Then with excruciating slowness, scooped another bowl. Merlin dipped a spoon into the bowl and took a large, loud slurp. "Mmmm."

"Merlin," Arthur said slowly. "Can I please have a bowl?"

"I wouldn't want to subject you to my bad cooking. Better you save your stomach for something better. Perhaps some beetles?"

Gwen laughed. She never knew seeing Arthur and Merlin bicker would fill her with so much affection and love.

"Merlin!"

* * *

Amber had woken in the middle of dinner and Arthur had passed her a bowl of Merlin's cooking, which while wasn't quite as good as Muriel's, was decent enough. After her first spoonful, Amber seemed to perk up and peppered Gwen with a million questions about working at the castle.

Gwen and Amber's laughter made Arthur smile and his heart warm.

"Gwen is a special person," said Merlin, settling down on the log next to him.

Arthur nodded.

"I never thought I'd say this to you, but if you hurt her –" Merlin's voice trailed off and he tossed a few more twigs into the fire.

"I don't want to hurt her either," said Arthur. "But it's hard when I don't know anything."

Merlin made a noise but didn't look at him, and for a while they sat in silence. Merlin watched the fire while Arthur watched Gwen and Amber. Occasionally Amber would yell a question at him, but mostly, she was too enthralled by Gwen. Gwen, however, glanced often at him and Arthur found himself smiling at her, feeling his affection for her growing in him.

"I think it's best that you don't get to close to Gwen for now," said Merlin out of the blue.

Tearing his eyes from Gwen, Arthur looked at Merlin in the dim light. A furrow creased Merlin's brow even as he continued to stare into the fire. "Why?"

"Coming back from the dead isn't something that happens regularly," said Merlin. "You may have the best intentions, but whatever it is that brought you back may not. And Gwen has been through enough. She doesn't need you betraying her."

"I –" Then Arthur hesitated as the truth of Merlin's words sunk in. "I said I'd just go to the borders with you. Then I'll be off."

Merlin scoffed, finally turning his head to look at Arthur. "Really?"

"I don't know."

"Many years ago, a knight returned from the dead. But it wasn't really him, just a shade. And he caused a great deal of pain and heartbreak, especially for Gwen."

Arthur heard the warning in Merlin's voice and he nodded. "You think I should just leave."

"I don't know," said Merlin, an unexpected rawness in his tone. "I miss you too, Arthur and I want so much to believe it's you and there's nothing suspicious about this."

"Kay!" Amber got up from Gwen's lap and walked over to him. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I'm sleepy. Can you tuck me in?"

Arthur cast a look at Merlin, his warnings and fears playing in his mind. He stood and smiled at Amber who had no idea of the mess they were all in. "Of course."

* * *

AN: Thanks for all the lovely comments. :)


	13. Chapter 13

She moved slightly to the right but whatever it was that was poking her in her back was still there. Sighing, Gwen sat up and rubbed her face. The moon was high in the sky and for a while, Gwen sat, listening to the sounds the forest made at night - the whine of the insects, the distant rush of water from a nearby stream, the occasional cry of a bird. It had been 2 days since they left Helb but with Amber around and a suspicious Merlin, Gwen had little opportunity to spend with Arthur.

Arthur sat in front of the burning campfire and Gwen allowed herself the moment to stare at his familiar profile. His hair glowed in the firelight and from the way he slumped against the tree, his hands playing with his sword, she knew he was worrying.

The wet leaves and mud made little noise as she padded towards the fire, but a twig snapping gave her away. Arthur turned around immediately, his hand going to his sword. She knew the moment he spotted her. His body relaxed and she thought she could see a smile on his face. She definitely saw the little tilt of his head, beckoning her to him.

"Hey," he whispered. His breath stirred against her hair and cheek, sending shivers down her spine. They weren't touching but Gwen swore she could feel his skin against hers. He patted the ground next to him and she sat.

She studied him blatantly as he watched the fire. The familiar curve of his lips, the way his eyelashes swept down when he blinked, the almost invisible scar near his ear. She ached to touch him, but didn't dare.

"I should be allowed to stare at you too."

It wasn't her nearness to the fire that heated her cheeks. Quickly, she looked down at the ground, the leaves and mud a sudden fascination. A finger lifted her chin and she found herself staring into Arthur's blue eyes. The sounds of the forest retreated and all Gwen could hear was the pounding of hearts. Her mouth opened, wanting to say something to break the tension, but her throat was too dry and nothing would come out. Instead, Arthur's thumb dragged across her bottom lip.

"I'm going to kiss you," he said.

"Yes." It was the only answer to give.

It started out gently, his lips brushing once, twice across hers then his teeth nipping. She must have groaned because she was being pressed against the tree, its rough bark no more comfortable than the ground she'd left but this time it didn't matter because all her senses was focused only on one man. His hands cupped her face, creating a little cocoon around them.

Somehow, his shirt was rucked up and her hand slid slowly up his bare skin. He was warm and she wondered if it was from the fire or from her. She was burning with need and it had nothing to do with the fire blazing next to them. He shuddered under her touch, sucking in a breath when her fingernail scrapped across his nipple, causing her to smile against his lips. The confirmation that Arthur still desired her lifted her heart.

She stilled when her fingers ran across a slightly raised line of skin. Contact between their lips broke and she looked down at where she was touching.

"This scar," she whispered as the haze of desire in her mind cleared and was replaced by memories of her tending to the wound that caused the scar. "You got it during one of those battles with Morgana. I remember dressing it." The breath she sucked in was a shuddery one. "You were hiding in Ealdor."

"It doesn't seem like a bad scar. I probably wasn't in danger of dying." He closed one hand over her fingers.

"It's not the scar." She looked up at him, the tears in her eyes reflecting the campfire. "I don't want to lose you again Arthur."

Her heart dipped when Arthur moved away, breaking the spell that had enchanted them just moments ago. But his hand still held hers. She swiped one arm across her face, then smiled tentatively. "At least the physical attraction is still there," she said.

"The physical attraction has been there the first time I saw you," said Arthur.

"It wasn't like this in the beginning. I don't even think you knew who I was." She stretched out her legs and wriggled her toes at the fire.

"I must have been blind."

"Or you were a prince and I was one of the many servants running around. No one special."

"You are clearly special to me. I can't believe marrying a servant was an easy decision."

Gwen shook her head. "Neither was the decision to be Queen."

"Do you regret it?" Arthur asked.

"I wonder, sometimes. But no, I wouldn't have wanted to marry anybody else."

"You really loved me," he said, a hint of amazement in his voice. "I heard rumours that you married me for the throne."

Arthur didn't know her, Gwen reminded herself and yet his words cut deeply. "I love you more than anything."

Silence fell between them. Her head dropped to his shoulder and he shifted slightly so she was comfortable. His steady breath puffed against her ear as her eyes closed.

"Don't you ever wonder what your life was like?" Gwen asked after some time.

He moved and pulled her closer to him, releasing her hand but draping one arm across her shoulders. "I do. I wondered if I had a family, a business. Then when it seemed no one knew who I was, I wondered if I had been a traveller or some sort or a bandit. It's strange not knowing anything, like there's a gaping hole in my head, but it's been four months now and I've gotten used to it."

"Come to Camelot," she urged. "You deserve to fill that hole. Your whole life was Camelot. Who's to say you won't get back your memory when you are there?"

"I have been thinking about it," he said after a while.

"You don't have to be King. You could be in disguise and the castle is so big that it's easy to hide." The more Gwen thought about it, the more excited she got. "You could come to Camelot, stay a while, see if you remember anything -"

"Gwen," he said. "Gwen."

She stopped, her heart pounding, she wasn't sure with excitement or with nerves.

"I'll go to Camelot."

Tilting her face up, she pressed her lips against his.

* * *

"I can see the castle!" Amber squealed, then twisted dangerously to look at Arthur. "Look!"

Quickly tightening his hold on her so she didn't fall off the horse in her excitement, Arthur grinned down at her. "It's beautiful."

"That's going to be my new home!"

"Mmm." Tall white towers loomed in front of them and from them, bright red flags fluttered in the wind. It looked every bit a kingdom that was strong and confident, thanks, Arthur suspected, in no small part to Gwen. As the flags danced, framed by the warm sun, for the first time since the revelation that he was King of Camelot, Arthur felt something. He couldn't quite describe the strange twisting in his heart as he gazed upon what was supposedly his kingdom.

He turned his head, catching the eyes of Gwen who was staring at him.

"Camelot is beautiful," he repeated, letting himself relax into a smile.

Gwen's troubled eyes cleared and she smiled back. "She's all yours."

And even as the knot of anxiety tightened at her words, as he wondered if he was going to let everyone in Camelot down, Arthur kept the smile on his face. He could do this. He could return to Camelot. Play at being King.

For Gwen.

"Here. If you wear this, we can enter the castle without you being detected."

Arthur took the blue cloak from Merlin with a frown.

Arthur could feel Gwen's eyes on him as he tugged the cloak around him.

"I want a cloak too," said Amber. "Why does Kay get a cloak?"

"I'll get you a lovely red cloak when we get to the castle," said Gwen as she ran a hand across Amber's hair. "You'll look beautiful in it."

"I'm scared."

Arthur watched as Gwen kneeled down and cupped Amber's face in her hands. "You've been so brave this whole journey. Remember the strange noises at night? And the rain? The castle is going to be nothing compared to that."

When Amber put her hand in Gwen's and squeezed, Arthur felt his own heart squeeze. Every moment with Gwen, he knew he was falling deeper and deeper. It was so easy that even with Merlin's doubts, Arthur was sure that he was Gwen's husband.

"You used to dress this way when you wanted to walk through the town unrecognised," Gwen said as she adjusted his cloak after Merlin led Amber away, giving them a little privacy.

"Did it work?" She was so close now, he could kiss her, but not in front of Amber.

"I think it did." She ran her hand gently down his chest.

He smiled at that, trapping her hand under his. "That's good."

"I don't know how long we can keep you hidden," she said quickly, pulling her hand away. "We have to tell Leon and Percy but if you don't move around too much in the castle, then I think -"

Wanting to ease her nerves, he cupped her face. When his thumb rubbed her bottom lip, she sucked in a breath and held it, her eyes darkening with the same desire that had been building in him since she laid her hand on his chest.

"It'll be fine, Gwen."

"Are you sure?"

He sucked in a breath. "I'm sure. I was scared before and I let it affect my decisions. I want to get my memories and my past back. And," he paused, tilting her head up to his, "I want to be with you."

"I come with the kingdom," she said.

He didn't know what to say to that. He wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear – that he would be King, but Merlin's warnings and his own inability to remember or even feel the royal part of him, made him cautious. So many things could go wrong and if they did, Gwen would bear the brunt.

* * *

AN: Firstly, thank you for the comments. Secondly, this fic is becoming a lot more complicated than I imagined. Oops.


	14. Chapter 14

"Things have been developing in your absence." Lord Hector practically sneered his last words at her as she walked past him and Gwen realised any truce she thought she'd found with him no longer existed.

"I was only gone for about a week," she said.

There was a snort. "A lot can happen in a week."

Smiling tightly, she ignored Hector and turned to address the council, instructing them to update her on all she'd missed over her time away. Most of the news was nothing unusual, nothing Percy hadn't already briefed her on earlier and she couldn't stop her thoughts from drifting to Arthur.

They had snuck into Camelot under the cover of darkness and then set Arthur up in a servant's room tucked in a relatively isolated area of the castle. Seeing his eyes widen when he saw the room drove home the painful point that the man who stood in front of her, marvelling at the comforts offered in the castle, was not the same man she married. Still, she couldn't help her smile when she remembered him gushing over the bed. That small bed in the servant's room was a far cry from what he enjoyed in their chambers.

"Your majesty?"

She blinked, dragging her attention back to the council. "I'm sorry. What was it?"

"Our men have sent word that Lord Edward and Lady Joan have been amassing an army at their borders."

Alarm shot through Gwen. This wasn't a mere skirmish. "Didn't they sign a peace treaty here just two months ago? A peace treaty we negotiated?"

"Lord Edward has not kept to his side of the bargain."

Hector spoke up. "There's no reason for us to get involved. We're not in the position to get caught up in more conflicts."

"I agree," said Sir Asher. "Their kingdoms are small and far away. There is no reason for us to get involved."

"They are testing me," said Gwen quietly. "And I'm not going to sit here quietly and let him think that Camelot is a pushover. We supported the peace treaty and we will ensure that they adhere to it."

"We cannot afford another war!" Hector said forcefully, as a number of the council members nodded their heads in agreement.

Leon shot her a look and Gwen sighed inwardly. Everything was a battle. "I think that perhaps we will need more information before deciding. Sir Leon, please check with our men there."

"Is there anything else?" she asked tightly as she looked down at the notes she'd taken throughout the meeting. A long list of things to solve stared back at her and she could feel the beginnings of stress creep up on her. What she wouldn't give to be back in the forest, sitting with Arthur by the campfire.

"There is one more," Hector said again. "King Lester sent a proposal while you were gone."

"A proposal?"

Hector smiled which made dread pool in Gwen's stomach. "As you know, he has a son and he wishes to join Camelot and Acerith through marriage."

Her mouth fell open and for a moment, she simply stared at Hector. Finally, she choked out the word 'marriage'.

"Yes. I highly recommend it. Acerith and Camelot have an uneasy relationship but this will strengthen it. And if you have plans to go to war again -" His words drifted off but his meaning was clear.

She thought of Arthur in his small servant room. She thought of the baby growing in her. Her stomach clenched. "No. There will be no marriage."

Immediately, Hector's expression changed. "You should give it more consideration, my lady. You know that the other kingdoms see us as weak without Arthur. This alliance will dispel any such notion."

"I'll think about it," she lied, unable to take more discussion of the matter.

She knew Hector saw through her lie but he let it go. "King Lester would like a decision by next week. The marriage itself can wait a while," Hector said, false concern in his eyes, "if you need more time to mourn Arthur."

When the meeting finally ended, Gwen, feeling a wave of exhaustion hit her, slowly made her way out of the council room. At the entrance, Sir Rowan stood, clearly waiting for her.

He bowed. "May I have a word, your majesty?"

"Of course."

"Did you see the man I told you about? The one who looks like King Arthur?"

Aware of the number of people walking up and down the corridor, Gwen quickly guided Rowan into a quieter corner. "I did."

"And? Sorry, if you don't mind telling me that is. I admit I have not been able to stop wondering about him. Has King Arthur returned?"

"Rowan, I know you're discreet and loyal but not all your men are. All I can tell you is that it is complicated and I hope that you'll respect the promise I asked of you before."

Hope flashed in Rowan's eyes. "So he has returned. This is great. It will -"

"Rowan," Gwen said warningly. "If I hear rumours of his return, I will know it's you."

"Yes. I understand your majesty." Bowing again, he left Gwen standing alone, her thoughts once again on Arthur. Around her, knights and servants moved, focused on their duties. Sometimes, briefly, she wished she could turn back time and go back to being a servant when all that was required of her was to follow the instructions of her mistress, when the fate of a whole land didn't rest heavily on her shoulders.

"Gwen - your highness." Turning a corner, Gwen saw a frowning Amber, dressed in the usual kitchen hand wear. The moment Amber realised Gwen was in front of her, she dipped into a clumsy curtsey.

"And where are you off to? Shouldn't you be in the kitchens?" Gwen smiled at Amber, hoping to ease the unhappiness on her face.

"Cook said I could have a break. I was looking for Kay. But I think I'm lost."

"Well then," said Gwen, "it's a good thing I know the castle very well." She stretched her hand out to Amber who, after a moment's hesitation, placed her hand in Gwen's. "Come, I'll show you how to get from the kitchens to his room."

As they walked, Gwen plied Amber with questions about her first few days in Camelot, partly because she had become fond of the chatty, high spirited girl and partly because it kept her mind off all the pressures of her station.

"And Cook is really fierce, but just now, she said I did a good job with the bread and gave me some leftovers. I'm not as careless as Jon she said," grinned Amber, clearly pleased at outshining Jon in the kitchen.

"That's great. I'm glad you're doing well."

Her small hand gripped Gwen's tightly. "I miss my mum though. Do you think we can visit her?"

"Maybe," said Gwen vaguely, unsure how to tell the young girl that it would be a few months before she could feasibly return. Thankfully, that answer seemed to be enough for Amber. "This is Kay's room. Remember, it's our secret alright?"

Amber nodded then knocked enthusiastically at the door which opened immediately.

Busy with her duties, Gwen hadn't seen Arthur since showing him to this room the day before and she couldn't help the little jump her heart gave when the door opened to reveal him.

"You have a visitor," she said as calmly as she could.

Kneeling down, he gathered Amber into a hug, then smiled at Gwen over Amber's head. "You look tired," he said, his eyes full of concern.

Something constricted in her heart. The whole day had been filled with people wanting, demanding things from her - favours, time, decisions. Arthur was the first one to actually ask about her.

"It's been a long day," she said. "And I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Would you like to stay a while?" When she hesitated, he continued. "I've spent the whole day alone here. It's getting a little frustrating."

Gwen thought of the pile of letters on her table and the reports on the various kingdoms Percival had collected. Then she looked at Arthur. "For a while," she said.

With Amber around, they let her lead the conversation as she told them about the warm kitchens, about annoying Jon who was a new helper like her and about Cook who was angry all the time. Gwen nodded and made noises at all the right places, her attention mostly on Arthur who fussed over Amber.

"How long have we been here?" Amber asked suddenly, in the middle of a story about bread. "Cook would be angry if I'm late and I don't want her to like Jon more." She stood with great determination.

Arthur laughed quietly, pulled Amber to him and kissed the top of her head. "Be good," he said as she dashed out of the door.

Gwen stood as well, smoothing her skirts. "I should -"

She stopped when Arthur's fingers curled lightly around her wrist. "Just a while more?"

Gwen hadn't been alone with Arthur since that night at the campfire and being in a small room with him made her nervous. It didn't even make any sense. This was Arthur, her husband and she couldn't even make eye contact with him. "Is everything here alright? Was lunch fine?"

"Gwen. Stop it. I'm fine."

She nodded. "How was your day?"

The question made him chuckle and he let go of her arm. Gwen missed his touch almost immediately. "Terrible. I've been looking through these tomes you gave me about my history and my past. Not only is none of this triggering any memories, they are incredibly boring. Did I really read them when I was younger?"

She tore her eyes from him and tried to hide a smile.

"You liar," he laughed. "I never read this when I was younger."

"Well, you were supposed to," Gwen replied, smiling genuinely. "So even being in Camelot, you remember nothing?" The smile faded slightly.

"No, I'm sorry. Are we even sure I'm this King Arthur? Maybe I'm a bandit and stole the sword and rings off his body."

Gwen studied the man in front of her. There was no doubt in her mind he was Arthur. He looked like Arthur, had scars in the same area as Arthur and more importantly, he had Arthur's generous heart. She shook her head. "You're Arthur. You just need to remember it."

"I can't hide here forever hoping to remember," he said, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "What if I never remember anything?"

"You could still take the crown, be king."

The smile he gave her was tight. The once light atmosphere became heavier and tension crackled in the air. "I could do that," he said quietly, his eyes moving from hers. Then he sighed. "Honestly, I don't know if I can. It will be no different from you randomly picking out someone from a crowd and making him king." In a softer voice, he continued. "I'd feel like an imposter, pretending to be someone I'm not."

"Well," Gwen said with forced cheer, "this is only your second day here and all you've had are some dusty books that even I wouldn't read."

A"Are you offering me a more exciting day tomorrow?"

"Maybe." Plans started to develop in her mind. It wasn't unsurprising that Camelot was unfamiliar to Arthur, cooped up as he had been in this room for more of the day. Arthur was never one to spend time in the servants' quarters. When she needed to do was bring him to places he was familiar with, places that meant something.

His voice was husky when he replied. "You know what would be exciting? Spending some time with you, just the two of us."

Her heart sped up at his words. "Oh," was all she managed to say, "like now?"

"Just the two of us," he murmured, "without thoughts of the past or the future." Then his fingers brushed against her cheek before burying them in her hair, gently massaging the back of her neck, sending shivers down her body. He was going to kiss her and she knew she was going to let him. Arthur may not remember his past, may not even want to be king but at least they still had this - this physical attraction they couldn't seem to ignore once they realised it that morning in her house all those years ago.

His kiss was a question at first, as if he was asking for permission. Her reply was to lean into him and slide her tongue across his lips, urging them open. Nice. Gently but firmly, he eased her out of her chair, pulled her flush against him and deepened the kiss. The familiarity of his taste and his smell stirred her emotions and she closed her eyes, trying to stem the tears she felt forming. All the stress that had been accumulating in her since morning left her at the touch of his lips against hers. When his lips left hers, marking a path to her neck then to her shoulder, she relaxed and let herself sink fully into his arms.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured against her collarbone. Her hands instinctively moved to his shirt, slipping under it, running over his chest. She pressed closer, wanting the security of knowing he still desired her. His teeth nipped against her neck, his hands sliding up her side until they came to her breasts.

He stilled, lifting his head so his eyes met hers, the question clear in them.

"Yes," she whispered. It was foolish, too soon and her head told her that it was more physical than anything on Arthur's side but she was tired and for one night, she wanted to pretend that her life wasn't derailed all those months ago.

He picked her up, the same way he used to before, and carried her to bed, laying her down almost reverently. For a while, he simply stood at the side of the bed, staring down at her. His eyes were dark and Gwen worried that he might have changed his mind. She reached for him and he went to her willingly, his mouth descending on hers as he said her name.


	15. Chapter 15

When he closed his eyes, Arthur could still recall the feel of having Gwen in his arms, the way she moved over and under him, the scent of her desire. With her, he felt like a King. With her, he felt as if he'd found his home, something he'd been searching for from that moment he woke up in the forest. If there was one thing that he was sure of, it was that he belonged with her, and if being King was what he needed to do to, it was what he was now determined to do.

Something settled in him as he made that decision. Despite his fears and nerves, it was the right thing and he couldn't wait to see Gwen again to tell her.

He pulled out one of the thick books that Gwen had and tried to read it. If he was going to be King, he needed all the information he could get.

* * *

Thankful she hadn't ran into anyone on her way back to her chambers, Gwen nodded at Sir Brom, hoping that with the dimming lights, he couldn't see her clearly. Darting into her chambers, she stopped, allowing herself some time to catch her breath.

Guilt, doubt and fear plagued her. The sex had been good, great even. The familiarity of Arthur's body and taste both arousing and comforting. Only, at the end, Arthur had called her Gwen - not Guinevere like he always did - and that illusion she'd built in her head shattered.

"You look like you've been in a tournament."

Gwen screamed.

The door was flung open and Sir Brom rushed in, sword drawn. "Your majesty! Is everything alright?"

"Why didn't you tell me Merlin was waiting inside?"

"I wanted to but you rushed in before I could, my lady. I'm sorry." He bowed deeply.

"It's fine. You can leave." The moment Sir Brom left the room, she turned to Merlin, hands on her hip. "You scared me! You can't just sneak into my chambers like that."

"Did you just come from Arthur's room?" Merlin asked, eyes narrowed.

"That is none of your business." Looking at herself in the mirror, she realised with a sinking heart that the fact that she'd just had sex with Arthur was written all over her messy hair, her swollen lips and the red mark on her neck. She would have to wear something with a high collar tomorrow.

"It is if Arthur isn't who you think it is."

The brush in her hand fell with clatter to the floor. "What do you mean?" she asked, looking at Merlin through the mirror.

"I went to the Crystal Cave today."

"I know that."

"There has been no prophecy of Arthur's return. The druids there know nothing of Arthur returning to the living."

Picking up the brush gave her time to think. "You said the crystals weren't always the most trustworthy," she said carefully.

"The crystals don't always tell the whole story but they don't lie. Arthur shouldn't be alive."

Her hand gripped the brush. "What are you saying Merlin? Just because your magic didn't know Arthur is alive doesn't mean he isn't Arthur."

"Gwen -"

"What have I done?" She stumbled to her bed and sat at the edge, feeling it sink when Merlin sat next to her. "No. You're wrong."

"I know that you're still raw from losing -"

"Don't patronise me Merlin. I may not have magic but Arthur was - is my husband and he is Arthur." The breath she took calmed her a little but her mind still spun with thoughts. She needed to be alone. "If you don't mind, I had a long day and I would like to rest."

Merlin looked like he was about to say something but shook his head instead. "Just be careful, Gwen. I don't want you to be hurt."

"Good night Merlin."

Once the door shut quietly, she crawled into bed and buried her face in her pillow. Doubts plagued her you've used this construction before - had she just made love to an imposter, someone who meant harm to her and her kingdom? Even if Arthur meant no harm, he obviously wasn't the husband she had loved so. As these dark thoughts running through her head, she fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

* * *

Morning brought with it renewed determination. She knew deep in her bones this was Arthur - she could feel it in his touch, see it in his eyes and she just had to get him to remember who he was. Then she would show Merlin that this was really Arthur and not some conjured up spirit Merlin seemed convinced he was.

"A picnic," said Merlin blandly as he reached for an apple. "You want me to arrange a picnic for you and him."

As usual, she sat in her chambers eating breakfast with Merlin although the events of the night before meant that the atmosphere was slightly strained.

"I would like that, please. I know that, as Court Sorcerer, such duties -"

He waved a hand. "It's not about the duties. It's about the fact that you want to go on a picnic with him."

"I don't see any harm in it."

"I can't let you go alone," he said, the apple forgotten. "What are you trying to do?"

"I really didn't expect you to. Also," she smiled, ignoring the warning in Merlin's tone, "it won't be terribly accurate for us to have a picnic without you lurking nearby."

Gwen watched as Merlin struggled to say something, aware that he probably thought this was a bad idea. Finally, he said, "I don't like this. You shouldn't be playing at being husband and wife with him."

"His name is Arthur," she said as calmly as she could, pushing out the memories of that night in Arthur's bed Merlin's words had conjured up. "And I am going on a picnic with him. I would like you come along."

That she was speaking to him the same way she spoke to her subjects clearly annoyed Merlin but he just nodded. "Of course my lady."

"Merlin." Feeling guilty at her manner, Gwen placed her hand over his. "I know he is Arthur. I can feel it."

"Maybe it's the baby. Maybe that's what you're feeling."

Her hand immediately flew to her stomach.

"Maybe it's the baby that's making you feel this way. I mean, you're pregnant and this person looks like Arthur, seems to be Arthur and it's just something you really want."

She scoffed immediately. "You think I'm making how I feel up?"

"No, I think that perhaps you're mistaken. The feelings you have for your child being misplaced onto that - Arthur."

For a moment, Gwen entertained the idea that Merlin was right. It was convenient that Arthur was back now, when she was pregnant and just as conflict started breaking out along the borders. Then she thought of the night before, of how every touch had been familiar and she shook her head firmly. "Let's make a deal. You continue to look into how and why Arthur is back and you let me try to help him with his memory. And until we have proper answers, we won't attack each other."

It took a while but Merlin stuck out his hand in agreement. They finished breakfast relatively amicably, avoiding the topic of Arthur.

The next time she saw Merlin, he was squatting outside Arthur's room, painting on the floor some strange spiral pattern. When he noticed her, he quickly signalled for her to be quiet. Curious, she squatted next to him.

"What are you doing?"

"Drawing."

She frowned and bumped him lightly. "I can see that. Why are you drawing on the floor outside Arthur's room?"

"I need to carry out a test."

"On Arthur?"

He nodded. Then before she could ask what test he was planning to perform, he stretched out an arm and muttered a spell. The spiral disappeared in front of her eyes, much to her awe. Magic still amazed her.

The door swung open and a bemused Arthur looked down at them. "What is going on?"

Standing, Merlin dusted his hands on his trousers and said, "We were just checking for woodworms."

"The Queen and her Court Sorcerer are checking for woodworms?" Arthur looked at them suspiciously.

"Gwen is particularly good at woodworm hunting," said Merlin smoothly.

Arthur caught her eye and she shrugged, trying to stop the memories of their previous night from flooding her brain.

"That's a good skill to have," said Arthur.

"Very," agreed Merlin.

They stood in an awkward triangle of silence until Gwen could bear it no longer.

"Actually, I wanted to invite you on a picnic." She wanted to walk to him but was unsure if she should walk over Merlin's circle of magic.

Arthur was surprised, pleasantly so, she realised when a bright smile appeared on his face. "That sounds like a great idea. But wouldn't it be rather public?"

"Oh we won't be able to ride out together but you and Merlin will go together and I'll ride out separately. No one would look twice at Merlin riding with a mysterious, hooded figure."

Merlin's lips twitched at that but he said nothing.

"Well," replied Arthur, "if you're sure, then I would love to go on a picnic with you."

Gwen smiled at him, her smile only getting wider when Arthur returned her smile with one that she knew was meant only for her.

"Right, now that that's settled, we have a town visit to get to and perhaps, Arthur, you'd like to step out of the room for us." Merlin gestured for him to walk across his now-invisible spiral.

"What?" Arthur's eyes sought hers out and in an attempt to be helpful, she nodded and smiled. That only made the furrow between Arthur's brows deepen. "Is this part of the woodworm hunting?"

"Yes!" "No."

Shooting Gwen a warning glance, Merlin smiled again. Gwen was certain Arthur could see how blatantly false it was. "See, there's a ritual."

"A ritual," repeated Arthur. "For woodworm hunting. Should I even be living in a room with woodworms?"

Ignoring Arthur's questions, Merlin pressed on. "And you know how three is a mystical number."

"No I don't."

It was supposed to be terribly serious but laughter bubbled out of Gwen. Trying to mask it, she covered her mouth and coughed. Both Arthur and Merlin stared at her.

"Well," Merlin continued. "Three is a mystical number and Gwen and I have already crossed the threshold so I just need you to cross it too." When it seemed that Arthur wasn't about to move, Merlin hurriedly said, "please."

"You're ridiculous. You're not even making any sense." Arthur rolled his eyes but walked across the circle of magic anyway. Gwen watched the whole thing with bated breath, wondering if Arthur would burst into flames, glow, or disintegrate even. It was a mix of relief and disappointment that she felt when nothing happened. She glanced at Merlin. Perhaps only he could see the effects of the circle.

His face was blank.

"That's it?" asked Arthur.

"Yes. Thank you for your help."

"Wait, you're not going to explain -"

"Oops. Time is a ticking. We have to go to the village now Gwen." Casting a quick apologetic smile at Arthur, Gwen let Merlin drag her away from him.

"Well?" She whispered once they turned the corner.

Merlin sighed. "Nothing. I guess he's not a shade."

Tamping down the urge to say 'I told you', Gwen simply smiled. "Today looks like a great day for a picnic."

* * *

Of all her duties as Queen, Gwen loved visiting the various towns around Camelot most. It reminded her of home and family and it was always heartening to see the changes she and Arthur implemented take effect. Despite the wars, the towns within the city walls had been thriving and truth be told, the war and demands for food and weaponry had kept the economy going, especially since it was the towns bordering Camlann which bore most of the destruction. And now, as Camelot funded the repairs of the various towns, things were bustling.

Her arm linked with Merlin, she stopped and spoke with various people, some simply enquiring on her well-being while others telling her about their grouses and unhappiness. Beside her, Sir Brom conscientiously took notes.

After Mary, the resident grouch, finished her litany of complaints ranging from the weather to her disapproval of young children running around in the mud, Merlin squeezed Gwen's arm. "I don't know how you bear her. Nothing is ever right with the world."

"She just wants someone to talk to," said Gwen, remembering when her father would send her over to Mary to help her with her chores. "After her husband died, she's been all alone. Although admittedly, she used to grumble about everything even when I was a child."

They walked on, occasionally stopping so Gwen could pick up a bolt of cloth or a piece of freshly baked bread. The route they took was the same every time and eventually they came to Gwen's old home.

She hadn't been inside since Arthur's death, unwilling to face the memories within. It was bad enough that she had to live in the castle, a place in which Arthur was imprinted in every wall and corner, but at least there, he had been both King and husband. In her small home, he had been just her husband. It had been their sanctuary, unintentionally created when their attempts at intimacy were interrupted three times in a night and she had jokingly suggested they go to her home in the middle town for some privacy.

"Do you want to go in?" Merlin asked, his eyes searching her face, when, she hesitated by the door.

Slowly, Gwen walked up the dusty path and pushed the door open. Four months and everything still looked the same - the bed Arthur had insisted they put in when he refused to sleep on 'that hard rock she called a bed', the little kitchen with, ironically, royal plates, the well-worn table where she once compared Arthur to a pig.

There were fresh flowers in a vase on the table. Purple wildflowers, the kind Merlin used to pick for them.

Merlin shrugged when she turned to look at him. "I thought that if one day, you were to return, it would be nice to see fresh flowers."

"Oh Merlin," she said, kissing his cheek gently, chuckling when she saw the spreading blush. She sat down, emotions suddenly welling in her. Merlin sat with her.

"Arthur's isn't a shade," he said after a while. "Which means he is really alive."

"You believe he's Arthur now?" Gwen couldn't keep the hope from her voice.

"No. I don't know. I believe he is human."

Gwen stretched her legs out, rubbing her thighs. She wasn't sure if she was simply doing too much or if it was because of the baby but her body got tired easily recently. "He's Arthur."

"I know you want to believe that, and maybe he is. But we still don't know why he is back and who brought him back. And that worries me." Merlin looked intently at her. "Surely you can understand that."

She could, only she didn't want to. She didn't want to know why Arthur was back. She didn't want to know what the Old Religion was planning. She just wanted him to regain his memory and be her Arthur. She wanted her old life back, the happiness she'd managed to build within it, not this empty shell of a life.

"Why do they have to meddle? Why can't they leave us to live our lives?"

Merlin didn't answer, only put his arm around her and held her. Laying her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry.

* * *

AN: I'm sorry that I am taking so long with the updates. But I promise that this fic will be finished.


	16. Chapter 16

Amber jumped off Arthur's bed when Merlin entered. It'd been her lunch and instead of spending it with the other servants, she'd decided to keep him company. According to her, he was lonely and while he had laughed when Amber, her eyes wide and serious, had said that, he couldn't deny that deep down inside, he was a little lonely. Lonely and bored.

Crossing his arms, Merlin leaned against the doorway. "Gwen wants to go on a picnic."

"She mentioned that when I saw you two this morning." Arthur looked at Merlin's impassive face. This was supposed to be his best friend and while there had been moments between them that had hinted at this relationship, it was clear that Merlin was holding back.

Merlin gave a sharp nod. "She's free this evening, so this is a good time."

"Are you going to tell me what that little demonstration outside my room was about?" Arthur sat on the edge of his bed, arms crossed and stared at Merlin. "Because I may not remember anything but I haven't become dumber. And don't say I wasn't very smart to begin with."

The smile never quite manifested on Merlin's face, but Arthur could see it in his eyes. Dropping the bag he was carrying onto the ground, Merlin leaned again the door. "It was to see if you were a shade."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Maybe because if you were a shade, you'll not want to be revealed to be a shade?" Merlin shrugged. "Who knows what you might have done."

"I assume the fact that you aren't charging at me with a spell or a sword means I'm not a shade."

Merlin's lips twitched a little before a slight smile appeared on his face. "No. It would seem that you're human, at least."

"And I'm not here to make trouble for Gwen."

Rubbing the back of his neck, Merlin sighed. "Magic is powerful and magic that brings you back is more powerful than anything I've ever dealt with."

"Then, maybe we should work together to find out what is going on here. We both want what is best for Gwen and Camelot." Standing Arthur reached out his hand.

Merlin took his hand without hesitation. "I will kill you if you hurt Gwen or Camelot, even if you're my king."

He wasn't quite sure what made him do it, but Arthur pulled Merlin into a hug, warmth and hope spreading through Arthur as Merlin hugged him back. They would figure this out and he'll get his life back.

* * *

Merlin and Arthur were talking quietly when she finally arrived in the forest. It was almost summer and all the flowers were in bloom, scenting the air with their sweet fragrance. As she approached, walking across the stream, Arthur jumped up immediately, reaching out a hand to help her across the rocks.

Her heart squeezed, the memory of a similar scene playing in her mind. But she dug out a smile for Arthur. As she stepped off the last rock, his lips brushed against her ear. "You look lovely." The feel of his breath against her face, his warmth next to her, his scent filling her nose sent a shockingly strong arrow of desire through her.

He moved his lips from her ear to her lips, brushing a barely there kiss against them.

Merlin cleared his throat.

"Merlin," she acknowledged.

"Cook wasn't very cooperative but Amber helped, sneaking out a really juicy roast chicken."

Laughing, Gwen shook her head. "All these years and Cook still dislikes you."

"Dislike is far too mild a word really," said Merlin. "And it's all unwarranted."

Arthur was still holding her hand and she let him lead her to the mat where a spread was laid out. Despite Merlin's initial disapproval, she realised he had done a wonderful job recreating the picnics the three of them often went on. Her eyes moved to Arthur's face, wondering if this seemed familiar to him. But he was preoccupied with fussing with the pillows.

"I was just telling Merlin that you royals really know how to picnic. Picnics with Amber usually just involved a mat and some dried bread."

"I had those picnics too when I was younger but you always preferred a certain level of luxury," she smiled, remembering when Arthur would sulk when Merlin forgot the pillows or the wine. She had once pointed out to him that he was perfectly capable of sleeping in the forest with nothing during his quests, he had told her quite seriously that it was different.

Arthur shook his head. "I am so spoiled."

"That you are," replied Gwen. "Good thing you're King. There are no shortage of people willing to spoil you."

He arched an eyebrow, then looked pointedly at Merlin. "Except Merlin, I imagine."

"You didn't need a bigger head than the one you were born with," said Merlin, his tone more amused than Gwen expected, "or your fancy helmets wouldn't fit."

Arthur laughed, then turned his attention back to her. "I hope I spoiled you a lot too."

The soft look in his eyes, the one that told her how much he enjoyed their activities the day before, made her shiver. "In your own way," she said, cursing at how husky her voice sounded. Arthur's lips quirked.

"Here, have some grapes." Merlin shoved the bowl of grapes between them and the tension broke.

The chicken was delicious, as it always was and Gwen bit down a smile when she noticed Merlin automatically handing Arthur the thigh. Arthur picked the meat off the bone before eating, unlike Merlin who bit into the chicken. There was so much familiarity in everybody's actions that Gwen couldn't imagine that Arthur wouldn't remember anything.

Gwen lounged on the pillows, enjoying the brief break from the politics of the court and the little touches and smiles Arthur bestowed on her. Her stomach full, she was on the cusp of sleep when she heard Merlin's question.

Merlin spoke again, interrupting the silence. "So, remember anything?"

With a mouthful of chicken, Arthur shook his head.

"No twinges of familiarity or anything?"

"No, not really."

Gwen could feel Arthur's eyes on her and looked away. The regret in his tone was enough to break her heart. She didn't need to see the sympathy in his eyes as well. A picnic wasn't anything special. Of course it wasn't enough to trigger any memories.

Unwillingly to think about how Arthur still didn't have his memories back, she said, "He'll remember when he remembers. Now, what do we have for dessert?"

With a grin, Merlin passed them a large slice of date loaf. "Doesn't this look wonderful?"

It did and Gwen stopped worrying about Arthur and his memories and enjoyed being with the two men she loved the most in Camelot.

* * *

Gwen appreciated the days when there were no council meetings, so when she found Hector outside her door on one of those rare days, her dislike for him doubled. She was still in a good mood from the lovely evening picnic the day before and hated that her mood was definitely taking a turn for the worse.

"Lord Hector," she greeted politely, hoping that if she walked past him quickly enough, he'd leave her alone.

Immediately, he fell into step with her. "My lady," he started, stopping when Gwen held up a hand.

"Is this important? I have a meeting with the village representatives."

Hector scoffed. "I am sure they can wait a while for their Queen."

Realising Hector wasn't about to leave her alone, Gwen sighed. "Let's walk and talk. What is it you have to say that is so important it can't wait for tomorrow's meeting?"

"I have received news that Lady Joan's army is planning to move into Lord Edward's border towns some time next week."

That stopped Gwen in her tracks. She turned to face Hector, watching his face for any signs that he might be lying. "How do you know that? Percival is in charge of information here and he hasn't mentioned anything."

"I have my sources."

Gwen glared at him, unsure if she should trust him. Hector had something up his sleeve, but she wasn't quite sure exactly what it was. "Thank you for the information. I will have Percival look into it. Perhaps your sources are mistaken."

Hector smiled insincerely. "Of course. By the way, have you thought about King Lester's proposal?"

"With all the conflicts building, I don't think this is the time to think about marriage." Gwen started walking again, hoping to shake Hector off. Being in his company made her nausea, something she hadn't experienced in a while, return.

"I think this is the perfect time." There was a hardness in Hector's voice. "With King Lester's support, you will be able to quell the conflict between Lord Edward and Lady Joan easily. Lord Edward shares a border with King Lester. He wouldn't want to cross him."

Now, Gwen knew exactly what Hector had up his sleeves. "Are you telling me that King Lester will only intervene in a conflict at his doorstep if I marry his son?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying that it would be useful to have an ally like King Lester."

"Your point is taken, Sir Hector. And now I have a meeting to get to." She picked up her pace, and was glad that Hector didn't walk after her. All she had to do was delay giving an answer to the proposal, Arthur would regain his memory, and all this would go away. And even as the small voice at the back of her head kept doubting that Arthur would regain his memory, Gwen was determined to hold on to hope. Arthur had returned from the dead. Surely anything was possible now.

* * *

AN: Wow, it feels like its been a long time. If you're still reading this, thank you. :)


	17. Chapter 17

His hand was warm and solid in hers.

The last time Gwen had ventured down here had been when Arthur was still alive and Uther barely dead. Then, she'd stood next to Arthur, offering her strength as he stared at Uther's tomb. They had been there for what seemed like hours until Arthur suddenly turned to her and said he was done.

And although she never visited Uther's tomb after that, she knew that Arthur went regularly alone. She never asked about his visits and he never spoke about them.

"So this is my father." The slightly curious tone that lacked any emotion coming out of Arthur's mouth unnerved Gwen at first. He squinted at the sculpture of Uther that lay on his tomb. "I suppose I see the resemblance."

"You loved him very much."

Arthur laughed at that. "I put aside a whole room and made a statue of him. I would think so." Then he paused and looked around the mausoleum. "Where's my mother?"

"She died when you were born."

"In childbirth?"

Gwen nodded, her hand tightening around his.

"But you knew my father," he continued, staring down at Uther's marble likeness.

Again, she nodded, surprised when Arthur suddenly turned away, tugging her with him as he walked out of the room. He said nothing as he walked down the now empty corridors of the castle until he came to his room. With a tilt of his head, he silently invited her in.

She hadn't been inside since that night.

"Tell me about my father," he said quietly and she was unable to turn him down.

His room was small, sparsely furnished but after four days, already looked lived in by him. She couldn't help her smile when she noticed the pile of worn clothes on the floor that he tried to hide by shoving it beside the bed with his foot.

Sitting on his bed seemed far too intimate so she settled into an uncomfortable chair. "What do you want to know?"

He shrugged. "What he was like. Was he a good king? He must have been."

Her Arthur had loved and looked up to Uther so much, even when faced with Uther's weakness and failings, had craved Uther's approval and love even after Uther's death. What did she tell him?

"He," she said slowly, "had his strengths."

"You didn't like him."

"He did what he had to do as King," Gwen continued, ignoring the stare Arthur was giving her. "And for most of his life, Camelot did well."

"Did he like you?"

Startled by the question, Gwen shook her head. "He thought I wasn't good enough for you."

Arthur's eyes hardened and his lips pressed together in a straight line, disapproval clear in his stance. But his tone was pleasant when he finally spoke. "How was your day today? Merlin mentioned a council meeting you were dreading?"

The change in topic took her by surprise. "I dread all council meetings these days," she sighed. "Conflict among the Albion kingdoms, especially the smaller ones, is rising and I fear this will only beget more conflict." She looked at him. "The other kingdoms think we are weakened by your death."

"But we're not," he said.

She smiled slightly. "We?"

"We have you as a Queen and from what I hear, you love Camelot with all your heart. And you're smart and strong, I am sure you will lead Camelot and Albion through this."

Tears pricked the back of her eyes at his words. "I wish I had as much faith in myself as you do in me. Sometimes, I ask myself the same thing they ask me - who am I to be Queen? Just 5 years ago, I was a mere servant."

Arthur's hand cupped her face, his thumb rubbing her cheek, the same way he always did to comfort her. "I may not remember my life before, but if I were king and I chose you, out of all the nobles and royalty Albion has to offer, then you must have been more than a mere servant." He grinned then. "After all, I was a brilliant king, wasn't I? And I wouldn't have made a bad choice."

His bravado amused her, bringing her back to the days of Arthur being puffed up with confidence, a mask he wore often and well. Without thinking, she turned her face and pressed a kiss in his palm. He stiffened at her touch and she quickly pulled back. Both of them had, by silent agreement, never spoke of that warm night they spent together.

"Do you want to hear more about your father?" She asked. When had Uther become a neutral subject, she wondered.

"No."

"But -"

"He hated you. I know all I need to know about him as a father from that. And," he said quietly, leaning forward towards her, his fingers threading into her hair, loosening the bun she had, "you are trying to avoid this."

She swallowed. "What?"

"Us," he said. "I want to kiss you again."

Heat pooled in her. She had never wanted anything more. Yet she shook her head. "We shouldn't."

"Why?"

With his fingers gently massaging her scalp and his blue eyes, darkened with desire, boring into hers, Gwen could barely get her brains to work. "It's a bad idea."

A smile curved his lips. "And why is it a bad idea? I thought it was a very good idea the last time."

"I –"

He kissed her, swallowing whatever she had to say. Abandoning whatever misgivings she had, ignoring Merlin's warnings that all might not be as they seemed, she let herself sink into Arthur's kiss.

"Do you want me to stop," he asked as they broke for breath.

In answer, she cupped his face and pulled it to hers.

* * *

In amongst all the confusion that was his life, Gwen was the one constant. Her breath puffed against his chest and Arthur cuddled her closer, running his hand over her side as his heart expanded. As much as he wanted Gwen to spend the night with him, Arthur was well aware that she couldn't be caught leaving his room in the morning.

"Hey." Arthur nuzzled her cheek.

"Mmmm."Eyes still closed, Gwen turned and kissed him clumsily.

Arthur cupped her face and deepened the kiss. When the kiss ended, Arthur leaned his forehead against hers and smiled. "It's past midnight. You should return to your room."

"I know." But Gwen didn't move.

With a smile, Arthur kissed her again. "I don't want you to leave either."

"This is so hard."

The pain in Gwen's words tore at Arthur's heart, a pain he tried to ease with more kisses. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Sighing, Gwen sat up. Unable to help himself, Arthur slid a hand down her naked back. Gwen slapped his hand away, laughingly. "Stop that or I'll never leave your bed."

Arthur grinned then gave her bum a squeeze just as she got up from the bed, earning himself a mock frown from her. He let himself watch as Gwen pulled on her clothes, enjoying the way she moved. He had no idea how it happened but he was glad the person he was had managed to win her heart. Dressed, Gwen leaned over and gave him a kiss. Arthur slid his hand into her hair, holding her for that little bit more.

"Goodnight," he said against her lips. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he loved her, but he wasn't sure if it was the right time. Would she even believe him? Did he even believe it himself?

"Goodnight." He missed Gwen the moment she closed the door behind him.

Despite his efforts, Arthur found himself wide awake, staring up at the ceiling. A multitude of thoughts were jostling in his head – from how he came back from the dead to why his memories were taken from him. If he was here to finish something, fulfil some sort of destiny, then why take away his memories? Was he being punished for something? And if he was, why in this manner that was clearly punishing Gwen as well? But the thought that pushed itself to the forefront of his mind was the most basic one of all – who was he?

He looked at the four walls of his tiny room, hating how trapped it made him feel, how hopeless. It had been weeks since he'd awakened in the woods with nothing but his sword and rings and he was no closer to answering any of these questions fully. He'd thought that being back in Camelot, being with the woman who he clearly loved would jog his memory but there was nothing except questions. And every half answer he found only opened a door to more questions.

But that was the problem, wasn't it? He'd been sitting in this room, waiting for his memories to return, waiting for Merlin to do something, just waiting. Whoever he was, Arthur was pretty sure he wasn't the type to just lie back and let things happen to him. It was time he needed to stop doing that. And it was time that he stopped hiding in this room and be the King he was supposed to be.

* * *

Still in a good mood from the night before, Gwen shot Merlin a smile as she surreptitiously took the plate of pickled eggs he offered her. One moment she couldn't keep anything down and the next, she had craving for pickled eggs, something she never much liked before.

Lord Hector stood and Gwen sighed inwardly. The council meeting had been going well thus far with no new conflicts being reported, positive reports about the rebuilding of the villages near Camlann and predictions that the upcoming harvest may be a bountiful one but one look at Hector's face and she knew the meeting was about to go downhill.

"We've extended an invitation to King Lester to visit Camelot in two weeks. He will be bringing his son."

Shock rendered her speechless for a moment. "You invited King Lester here behind my back?" Gwen asked slowly, unable to believe the temerity of these men in front of her.

"He is a valuable ally -"

"Don't give me that," she snapped. "Don't think I don't know what you are trying to do Hector. You and your friends think that this is going to push me into a political marriage with his son."

Calmly, Hector stood. "I merely think it's a good idea that you meet personally with King Lester and Prince Reynard. Perhaps it will help you realise that marrying Prince Reynard is a good idea. I hear he is a good man."

"You have no right to interfere in my personal life." From the corner of her eye, she saw Leon move and she knew that all she had to do was to incline her head and Hector would be thrown out of the council room.

Hector scoffed. "As Queen, you're not entitled to a personal life. And frankly, you can do better than that mystery man you've been visiting."

Merlin stilled beside her. Her own heart stopped.

"Nothing to say my lady?" asked Hector, a smug smile on his face. "If it's a warm body you need, I'm sure Prince Reynard will be adequate."

"I know that your family has long been on the council and it is your family's contributions to Camelot that you have to thank for the fact that I am not kicking you off the council." Gwen glared at Hector before turning back to address the rest of the council coldly. "When something is up for discussion, I will bring it up during council. My personal life is not up for discussion. We will host King Lester because I don't want it to seem to others that we are not united. I don't need to give the other kingdoms more reason to believe we are weaker without Arthur."

The rest of the council looked at her in silence, most of their faces blank. Hector refused to look at her. Anger still churning in her, she stormed out of the room, Merlin and Percival just a step behind her.

"Sir Brom." Gwen stopped at her door to address the young knight who stood outside. He bowed. "I need to speak to you."

The colour drained from his face and Gwen knew her suspicions were right.

"Your highness," he started once she gestured him into her chambers and shut the door behind her, the guilt on his face clear.

"Do you know what I want to talk to you about?" Despite her ire, she tempered her voice.

Sir Brom nodded, his eyes darting to a very unhappy Percival.

Gwen slowly lowered herself onto her chair, never taking her eyes off Sir Brom. "Who did you tell? And what did you tell them?"

"I just said that you'd been visiting someone secretly over the past few days. It just came out of me, over drinks with some of the other knights. I didn't mean to." Sir Brom looked utterly miserable. "I understand if you feel that you need to remove me from -"

Gwen raised her hand, stopping him. "No. Percival will see that you make up for your slip but you will remain as my guard in the castle. You're young and I believe you will learn from this."

"Thank you," said Sir Brom bowing low. "Thank you."

She looked at Percival who nodded, then left with a visibly shaken Sir Brom. Her head fell into her hands and she groaned at the mess she created. She felt Merlin put an arm around her and rub her shoulder.

"It'll be fine," he murmured, except she knew he didn't mean it at all.

"Hector is going to make sure news of my mystery man leaks to the people, if only to undermine me and force me into a corner," she said into her hands. "I should have known he would pull something like this to force me into the marriage."

"You don't have to -"

She raised her head and looked up at Merlin. "Are you sure you can't brainwash them all?"

Merlin smiled reluctantly. "I could. Might take a while. I can't believe you didn't simply sentence Hector to the stocks for impertinence."

A tired smile crossed her face. "You know that rule has been changed. It's jail for impertinence now. And I haven't kicked Hector off the council because I like to keep my enemies close."

Merlin nodded in approval. "Be careful."

Rubbing the back of her neck, trying to ease the stiffness that had taken up residence, she sighed. "What do I do now?"

"You'll be the ever gracious host to King Lester and his son. Hold the usual tournament, present a lavish feast, then firmly but kindly say no. Unless, of course -" Merlin looked meaningfully at her. She shook her head. Even if Arthur hadn't returned, she had no intention of marrying again.

"You make it sound so simple."

Merlin walked to the window, looked out, then walked back to where Gwen sat, a sad smile on his face. "Being on the throne is never simple."

* * *

AN: Ok, so things will get moving next chapter on! :D


	18. Chapter 18

"I miss my mother and the tavern and those loud men who chew with their mouths open, even though mum says it's rude." Amber lay on the grass, her hair falling out of the bun it was in and her cheeks dusted with what looked like flour. Her eyes were closed and a slight pout formed on her face.

It was a lovely day for a picnic and a swim and Arthur was glad that he'd suggested it. He missed being with Amber and although she was determined to be the best kitchen hand in Camelot, Arthur hated the idea of her working so hard. Merlin had dropped them off, then promised to be back later.

"I miss Helb too," said Arthur as he deboned the chicken Amber had fetched from the kitchens. In a way, he did. Life was simpler there and he missed spending time with Amber. "Here. Sit up and have some chicken."

Obediently, Amber scrambled up and took the plate of chicken from Arthur. "The food here is better though."

Slightly later, when most of the chicken was finished, Amber clambered into his lap and looked up at him. "Are you happy in Camelot?"

"I like being with Gwen."

"All you do is sit in your room. That's so boring."

"We're not in my room now, are we?"

"Mum makes me sit in my room when I'm being naughty." Her eyes widened. "Have you been naughty?"

Dipping his head to press a kiss on her hair, Arthur chuckled. "No. Things are just complicated here and it's better if no one except you, Gwen and Merlin know I'm here."

Suspicion lingered in her eyes but Amber nodded. "Do you think if I asked Gwen, she would allow me to learn to ride a horse?"

"Aren't you a bit young?"

"No!" Amber crossed her arms and frowned. "You said I was a big girl because I was doing so well in the kitchens yesterday."

"Still, horse riding can be dangerous. And I would be very sad if you got hurt."

"I bet you learned to ride a horse when you were a child too." She was still frowning as she looked up at him.

Arthur shrugged. "I can't remember."

"Oh." Amber stood and studied him carefully. Arthur almost laughed at the seriousness in her face. "Is it scary not to remember anything?"

"A little."

"Do you think you'll forget me one day?"

He opened his mouth to scoff at her suggestion, then reality intruded. "I hope not," he said instead, taking her hands in his.

"I'll never forget you," said Amber solemnly. "I have a better memory than you."

Arthur pulled her towards him and tickled her sides, sending her into gales of laughter. Her feet kicked at him and he let her go. "How about a swim?"

Amber's hair was completely loose now and she jumped up. "Yes!"

By the time Arthur and Amber got out of the lake, Merlin was sitting at their picnic area, waiting for them. Amber waved enthusiastically at Merlin, whose dour face brightened at the sight of her.

"Do we have to go back now?" Amber turned pleading eyes onto Arthur. "I was having lots of fun."

Arthur picked up a towel and tossed it to Amber. "We've been out for quite a while. And the sun will set soon."

"We can take a little ride around the fairy forest for a bit, before we head off back," said Merlin. The fairy forest was his invention – something he told Amber when they had been riding to the picnic area when she asked about an area that was full of mushrooms and toadstools. Don't touch them, he'd said. They are the houses of fairies.

The little detour didn't take too long, and Arthur found himself back in his small room with Merlin. Amber had gone off to look for her friends in the castle.

"How's Gwen?" Arthur sank onto his bed. He hadn't seen her since the night before.

With a sigh, Merlin slumped onto the only hard chair "Things could be better. Hector has been working behind her backs, easy when the other kingdoms are still wary about her rule."

"She's a good Queen."

"She is." Then Merlin grinned. "Maybe even slightly better than you."

Arthur looked around for something to toss at Merlin, but found nothing. He huffed then settled for a scowl, one that disappeared quickly. "She shouldn't have to do this alone."

"What are you saying?"

Arthur had spent a lot of the past few days thinking about this but at Merlin's raised eyebrow and question, he hesitated. "Maybe it's time I stop hiding out here."

While Arthur hadn't quite expected a party, he had thought Merlin would be happier. Instead, Merlin was frowning.

"I thought –"

Merlin leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "I was hoping that the two of us could make a trip to the Isle of the Blessed. Before we did anything like announcing your return."

"Isle of the Blessed?"

"It's where The Caileach is. The gatekeeper of the Spirit World. She might have answers."

Answers might mean a way to get his memory back. A way to get his life back.

Merlin continued. "Perhaps we should get more answers before you reveal yourself."

It sounded sensible. Gwen had been ruling alone for months, what was another few more days. And returning with his memory would be a much preferred option. "When do we leave?"

"It's Samhain in two days. We should leave then."

* * *

It seemed that bad things never happened in isolation.

Somehow, rumours of Gwen's pregnancy swept through the castle. Her first inkling that something was going on was when two young maids huddled in a corner, whispering and glancing at her stomach.

"They are saying that you are pregnant," said Leon, his eyes darting between Merlin and Gwen. "That – that's not true, is it?"

"Who is saying all these?" demanded Merlin.

"The servants. Something about pickled eggs." Leon looked slightly uncomfortable. "They say you've been requesting pickled eggs."

Gwen rubbed her temple.

"Everyone likes pickled eggs," muttered Merlin mutinously.

"Except me," sighed Gwen.

Merlin scowled. "What is with all these people and their big mouths? If Camelot falls one day, it'll be because people can't keep their mouths shut."

"Has the council gotten wind of this?" she asked.

Leon nodded regretfully. "I heard some of them talking about it. And with the talk of the mystery man -"

"Hector is going to use this to his advantage," said Gwen as various scenarios, each one worse than the one before it, flashed through her mind.

And true to her words, Hector waylaid her just as she returned from a visit to the lower town.

There was a gleam in his eyes as he studied her, his eyes lingering on her stomach. She resisted the urge to cover her stomach with her hands, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he unnerved her.

"I hear congratulations are in order." The smile he gave her was predatory and she shivered.

"I believe I made it quite clear that my personal life is not up for discussion."

Hector bowed his head. "Of course, my lady." Then with another insincere smile, he went on his way, leaving a very troubled Gwen in his wake.

"Your majesty," a voice came from her side and Gwen turned quickly to see a wide-eyed Amber, who had clearly been eavesdropping.

"Why, hello Amber," said Gwen, trying not to let her anger seep into her voice. "How have you been?"

"Good. Do you have good news?" Amber looked at her with anticipation, her fingers curled around the edges of her apron. "I heard that man congratulate you."

Gwen shook her head. "I don't. He was mistaken."

"Oh." She thought for a while, then beamed up at Gwen. "I'm going to see Kay. Do you want to come?"

Gwen smiled at the thought of Arthur, then she remembered the letters and petitions she needed to deal with, ones she put off to have breakfast with him early that morning. "I can't. Tell him I said hi."

"Alright!" Amber waved then scampered off in the direction of Arthur's room. Gwen caught sight of a bit of bread in Amber's hand, clearly swiped from the kitchens and smiled. Amber must have taken it for Arthur and she remembered how Arthur would save sweets from his dinner for her. Her heart contracted as she thought of Arthur as a father to the child growing in her.

Then it hit her.

If rumours were going round that she was pregnant, then Arthur was going to hear of them sooner or later.

* * *

After dinner, Gwen took a walk in the castle gardens, knowing that Arthur was likely to be lurking in the darkness, grabbing whatever freedom he could. The heavy scent of flowers filled her nose as she walked gingerly on the damp grass, breathing in the fresh night air, allowing herself the brief moment of pretending she was Queen and thought back to her carefree days as a servant. She smiled sadly, wondering when she started thinking life as a servant was better. Above her, the stars twinkled.

"You look tense." Arthur's voice floated to her and she turned to see him leaning casually against a low wall, arms crossed. "Bad meeting?"

"I haven't had a good one in months."

Pushing himself off the wall, he made his way towards her, his every step increasing the pounding of her heart. Without a word, he pulled her into a hug, tucking her head under his chin. "Want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, then buried it further into his neck, greedily inhaling his scent, winding her arms around his waist. If only she could be like this forever, safe in his arms, nary a care in the world. When she felt his lips press against the top of her head and his arms gathering her closer, she blurted everything out. Almost everything.

He pulled away slightly to look at her. "Marriage. To Prince Reynard. That's their solution to the conflicts plaguing Albion?"

"King Lester is very influential."

Arthur let go of her and she shivered, whether because of the cool night air or the loss of his warmth, she wasn't sure. He walked away, his hand running roughly through his hair. "Are you seriously considering marrying Prince Reynard?"

"It is a possible solution -"

"It's a bad solution. Unless -" Arthur moved quickly to her again, grasping her upper arms. "Unless you love him."

She shook her head, taken aback by Arthur's actions. "No, of course not."

His hold relaxed slightly. For a while, he simply regarded her and she grew increasingly uncomfortable under his scrutiny. She wished the moon was brighter so she could see his expression better but in the darkness, his thoughts remained unreadable.

"What do you plan to do?" he finally asked.

"I wish I knew." A small voice in her head nagged at her to tell Arthur everything. "There's something else."

"Oh?" He looked curiously at her.

"Maybe we should sit down." Moving out of his arms, she took his hand instead and pulled him to where a bench stood. When she sat, Arthur settled down next to her, his arm coming round her shoulder to tuck her into his side.

Gwen looked down at her hands in her lap. Unlike many royalties, her hands were rough from the work she did as a servant. She clasped, then unclasped them until Arthur's much larger hand covered hers.

"You said you had something else to tell me?"

How many times had she rehearsed this? And now, the script she'd prepared earlier had fled her head.

His thumb rubbed the back of her hand gently, but he didn't push. "Amber was very excited about being allowed to work in laundry today. I think she's a little tired of being yelled at by Cook."

Gwen forced a smile. "Cook yells at everyone, even Merlin. But she likes Amber, says she's a responsible girl."

She felt more than saw Arthur's smile. "Amber is a great girl."

"You are very fond of her."

"As she says, she was my first friend in Helb. She was the only one who didn't think I was lying about my memory loss or peppered me with questions. She just accepted me as I was."

"Children tend to be like that," said Gwen. She had to tell him. "Do you think you would want a child of your own?"

He seemed startled by the question and didn't answer immediately. "I - well, I suppose I wouldn't mind." Teasingly he asked, "Do you want to practise?"

"Arthur!" But she smiled at his words, remembering the nights they spent together.

She felt his laugh vibrate against her side.

"Arthur," she said again, more seriously. "I'm pregnant."

He stilled against her. "Say that again," he breathed.

"I'm pregnant."

A breath whooshed out of him and his hand left hers. "Wow. I don't know what to say."

That, Gwen supposed, was better than outright rejection of the news. Yet she couldn't help but be disappointed that he wasn't thrilled.

"I assume the child is mine," he said, slight awe in his voice.

She nodded, still feeling down at his lack of excitement.

"Wow," he said again. "This changes things, doesn't it?"

Her fingers curled into her palm, her nails pressing into the soft flesh. "Yes, I guess it does. For you, especially."

"Does this prince, the one you're supposed to marry, know you're pregnant?"

Gwen frowned, slightly annoyed at Arthur suggesting she would marry Prince Reynard. "I'm not marrying him and no, I haven't made a formal announcement yet."

Arthur nodded but offered nothing else. Tilting his head to the sky, he let it rest against the back of the bench. Aside from the constant sounds from the crickets, only their breathing could be heard in the gardens. Gwen closed her eyes, trying to not imagine the worst.

"It looks like it's time for me to stop hiding," Arthur finally said.

For the first time, Gwen felt something other than worry or fear. "You'll return?"

"Yes. I may not have my memories and I may not know how to be King but I want to be a father. To our child." He smiled suddenly. "Our child."

"You're going to be king, just to be a father to our child?"

His hand grasped hers, their fingers twinning. "I've been in Camelot for days. Four days during which I had to sneak around, hide in my room, dart behind pillars and into alcoves. I can't continue like this. I realised some time, I need to either commit to my old life or leave it completely behind and start a new one. Merlin and I were going to visit the Isle of the Blessed, see if we could get any answers before I reveal myself. But now, knowing you have my child growing in you – I know what I have to do."

Gwen felt like she was underwater, her ears blocked by rushing noise and her lungs unable to drag in the breath she needed. "And you're sure." The tremulous voice sounded nothing like hers.

The arm he had around her shoulder tightened. Then slowly, inexorably, his lips came down on hers. The kiss was brief, light but she felt it all the way to her toes.

"Does that answer your question?"

Her fingers walked up his chest, tracing the edge of his collar. "For our child?"

"And for you," he said hoarsely. "You are important to me."

Shrugging off the slight disappointment that he didn't say he loved her, she lifted her head up and kissed him - a longer, deeper, much more satisfying kiss.

They stumbled into her chambers, bodies wrapped around each other, ignoring the poorly disguised shock on Sir Brom's face. If she was going to announce Arthur's return soon, it didn't really matter who saw them tonight.

It was her who pushed him onto her bed, laughing as he sank into the multitude of pillows and cushions that were strewn on it. His hand was still holding hers and he pulled so she toppled onto him, burying her face into his neck and pressing small kisses along the bare skin.

There was so much to talk about, but for now, Gwen simply wanted, craved even, his touch, his affection and his need. He seemed to understand, allowing her to take control and when finally, her skin and hair damp with sweat, she collapsed sated onto his bare chest, Arthur threaded his fingers in his hair, cradling her gently while whispering her name.

"Call me Guinevere," she said against his shoulder.

"Why?" Arthur chuckled, pulling back to look at her. His finger followed a line down her cheek to her shoulder. "Guinevere is such a fancy name. I think you'll always be Gwen to me."

She dropped her head to his shoulder again, not wanting Arthur to see how his answer affected her. There was more to Arthur's decision than how he addressed her.

* * *

AN: Thanks for the lovely comments and for continuing to read. :)


	19. Chapter 19

From the stiffness in his stance and the frown on his face, Arthur could tell Merlin thought the whole thing was a bad idea.

"Arthur and I were going to the Isle of the Blessed. Surely this can wait until we return." Merlin crossed his arms and frowned.

Arthur tightened his hold on Gwen's hand. "That was the plan, Merlin but things have changed and I can't just stand by as Hector and the others treat Gwen this way."

Merlin's jaw clenched. "Gwen is more than capable of holding her own."

"I know but that doesn't mean she should have to. Not when I'm here. I thought you trusted me."

"I don't think you will do anything bad intentionally." Merlin started to pace as his voice got louder. "But we still don't know how you returned or why and that bothers me. You insert yourself into the politics of this kingdom again without knowing, how do we know we aren't playing into the hands of your enemies?"

Gwen let go of his hand and stepped forward, placing a hand on Merlin's shoulder, stopping him. "Arthur still doesn't have his memories so he doesn't get to rule or make decisions."

At her words, Arthur raised his eyebrows but said nothing. Gwen had a point even if something in him rebelled at the idea of not playing a part in the decisions of the kingdom.

Merlin took Gwen's hand and squeezed. His voice gentled and he looked at her. "Have you really thought this through? Do you think the council is simply going to accept Arthur's return? Do you think Hector will?"

"I'm not a fool," Gwen bit out. "I know it's not that simple."

"Hector will not be pleased. He has plans and Arthur's return is going to destroy them."

"Then he will just have to deal with that," said Gwen. "And so far, Arthur's done nothing to suggest he's here to destroy Camelot. And I know you've been watching him. What does he have to do to prove that he's Arthur?"

Merlin had the decency to look a little shamefaced at her words but it didn't last long. "As I said before, it's not him that I'm worried about. It's the forces behind his return. We need to go to the Isle of the Blessed."

"And we will," said Arthur. "I'm sure we can come up with a plausible reason for the trip."

"With the visit by King Lester just around the corner? How would it seem for you to return then leave again when something so important is happening? What if we don't return in time?"

"Then we'll visit the Isle after King Lester's visit," said Arthur firmly.

Gwen stepped between them. "I can handle King Lester's visit. If going to the Isle of the Blessed –"

"No. We will visit the Isle after King Lester's visit." Arthur curled his fingers around hers. "I've left you to deal with all this alone for far too long."

"You were always a stubborn one," sighed Merlin. "We should plan how we want to do this."

* * *

It was somewhat ironic that Arthur, once very reluctant to take the throne, was now itching to do so. But instead of the proclamation of his resurrection to an awed council, as he'd imagined since he made his decision, he was still stuck in his claustrophobic room while Merlin had decided to go to the Isle of the Blessed on his own. At least, Gwen was lounging on the bed with him.

"Why did we agree to wait on the announcement?"

"Merlin is right. Your return is a trump card for us," said Gwen as she leaned towards him and cupped his cheek. "And, as much as I want to declare to the world that you are not dead, we need to wait for the right moment."

Arthur pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "And you want to take Hector by surprise."

"I do. Hector thinks he's smarter than me –"

"He isn't." He pressed a kiss to the other corner of her mouth.

Gwen's lips curved into a smile. "No, he isn't. But the more he thinks he has the upper hand, the better. With this mystery man and the pregnancy, Hector thinks I'm in a weak position now. But once we announce your return, what will seem to be my weaknesses, will suddenly be a strength."

"I feel like I'm just returning to be a symbol," said Arthur as he cuddled her closer, enjoying how easily she sank into his arms.

"Well, I think you entering the tournament we'll be holding would definitely raise the morale of the people. Everyone loves you in tournaments."

Arthur smiled. "A symbol and entertainment. Is that all I am to you?"

"Maybe," said Gwen. Her fingers ran down his chest, before finally resting against his hip. "You are very good at entertaining me."

Heat flared in him at the way she was looking at him. "Am I now? It's good to know that there are things that I haven't forgotten."

Gwen's hand moved lower and Arthur bit down on a gasp once she reached her target. Then there was little more talking.

In the aftermath, sated and full of affection, Arthur looked at the dozing Gwen next to him and touched her bare stomach. It was slightly rounded, evidence of their child, and he smiled. He might not have his memories back, but this all felt so right. Certainly, taking up the crown worried him but after all this time in Camelot, he'd learned to love her, mostly when he saw her through Gwen and Merlin's eyes. But it was Gwen that made him feel at home.

"You're staring."

"I am. Because you're beautiful. I imagine that you must have distracted me a lot when you were serving me."

He felt her laugh against him. "No. You barely noticed me in the beginning."

"Clearly I was a blind fool then," said Arthur. "But it's good to know that I got better. It's clear that I fell in love with you because you're smart, kind and brave. What made you decide I was worth loving?"

"I always thought you were a bit of an arrogant ass."

"And arrogant asses turn you on?" Arthur pulled her closer to him. "I can accept that. It's not like my arrogance is based on nothing. I gather I'm great with a sword, lots of people love me and I have to say, I don't look too bad. Plus, you did say I was good at entertaining you."

That earned him a smack in the chest. "You're also stubborn and care too much about everyone."

"You know, that sounds like a good thing." Arthur dipped his head and nuzzled her throat. "I don't know why you're complaining."

"It is," said Gwen as she lifted her neck, giving him more access. "You care so much and you trust so easily and it always gets you and Camelot into trouble."

"Good thing I have you to set me right."

"Yes, good thing." Gently, Gwen shrugged out of his hold. "I'm very sensible and so I'm going to do the sensible thing now and get out of your room."

Arthur grabbed her and pulled her down for a long kiss. "I'm going to miss you."

* * *

"The first thing that I would like to address –"

"I'm sorry my lady, but I feel that with recent developments, it might be more pertinent that we discuss your situation." It wasn't Hector who spoke but one of his close friends.

Her heart sped up but she kept her face expressionless. "My situation?" The smile she gave Hector's friend was cold and she watched with some satisfaction when he withdrew.

"You have news to announce I believe?" said Hector.

Part of their plan to lull Hector into a false sense of superiority was to play into his hands. "I do, in fact," she said as calmly as she could. "I'm pleased to announce that I am with child."

Immediately the room erupted into chaos. While she heard a few shouts of congratulations, she noted that most of the council seemed confused or upset with the news. She had expected it but it still hurt. Announcing a child should be a joyous occasion, not one marred with power struggle and politics.

She nodded at Percival who immediately called the meeting to order.

"My lady," another elderly council member said after everyone had quietened down, "I do not mean to be rude but are you certain the child is Arthur's and not the man you have been visiting?"

"I am," she said, desperately wanting to tack on the fact that this man she was visiting was really Arthur.

"How can you be sure?" asked another council member.

"That," said Gwen, "is none of your business. The only reason you need to know about my child is because he or she will be heir to the throne."

Hector spoke again. "I feel that in this situation, it is even more imperative that you accept King Lester's proposal. Bringing up a child alone is not an easy matter. I am sure Prince Reynard would be a good father."

"Prince Reynard might be a perfect father but I am still not marrying him."

"In light of new developments between Lord Edward and Lady Joan, I would suggest that you reconsider, my lady." Hector's show of fake concern grated at Gwen but she still managed a smile. That seemed to encourage him and he continued. "As Percival will explain in more details, Lady Joan's army is growing and there are rumours that she might use magic. Lord Edward will not take Lady Joan's threat sitting down. I suspect we're heading towards war."

"Is that true, Percival?"

He nodded regretfully. "It would seem so. Lady Joan seems determined to retake land she feels was taken from her in the peace agreement."

"She signed the peace agreement! And she was more than adequately compensated for the land." But Gwen knew. With Arthur gone, these kingdoms were going to push their boundaries and test her. "Leon, send an army of knights to the border. Don't interfere - hopefully, our banner will be sufficient to make them think twice. I want them issued invites to Camelot for the tournament and both Edward and Joan escorted back here."

"I fear that getting our army involved will only make matters worse," said Hector.

"They need to know that Camelot will not stand by idly while they create conflict in Albion. But I have no intention of waging war with either fiefdom." She looked at Leon. "Ensure they arrive around the same time that King Lester does. It would be the perfect time for a renegotiation of the peace deal."

She watched as Hector's eyes gleamed. He was planning something, but he was missing a piece of key information – Arthur was back.

* * *

"Almost all the names you mentioned flew right over my head," said Arthur wryly as he sprawled on their bed. He languidly traced intricate patterns along the exposed skin on her arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind.

"I know it's a lot but you have to know this by the time they all arrive in Camelot." She knew she sounded a little impatient but Arthur had spent most of the morning flirting with her and trying to get her to abandon the books and snuggle with him instead.

Responding to her curtness, he withdrew his hand. "I said I'd look at it when you're not around. It's not like I have much to do in those hours."

She groaned. "I wish there was some way to just get your memory back immediately."

"I do too." He reached for her again, as if he couldn't stop touching her. This time, his fingers wrapped around some of her curls that had come out of her bun, twirling and tugging at them. "Why can't we tell the council now?"

"It's just a while more. Let Hector make his plans. It's obvious that Hector and King Lester are working together, clearly wanting to get their grubby hands on Camelot."

Arthur nodded. "And you have Lady Joan and Lord Edward clashing over land."

"Which doesn't make sense because I know Lady Joan and she's always been forthright. After your funeral, she came up to me and said that she didn't think I could rule Camelot on my own. Of all the rulers in Albion, she's the only one who said what most of them were thinking. If the peace agreement that she signed was unfair, she would have said so. So why is she sneaking around, amassing an army?"

"Why indeed? Something must be making her think that she's being short-changed in the deal she agreed to. Are you sure she's the one making the first move against Lord Edward?"

"If it was just Hector's word, I wouldn't believe it but Percival has confirmed Hector's words." There was a connection Gwen was missing but with everything that had been happening, Gwen found herself unable to make it. Yet just having Arthur around to discuss the situation with made the anxiety that had throbbed dully in the background of her daily life recently ease a little. "I have no evidence but I am sure that Hector and King Lester are involved somehow."

"What happens if Lady Joan does invade Lord Edward's lands?" Arthur had finally stopped touching her and was simply leaning against the headboard of the bed, arms crossed behind his head.

"Camelot will have to step in. Our role in maintaining the peaceful borders is in the treaty and we're obliged to go to war to help the invaded kingdom."

"And after Lady Joan's defeat?"

Gwen sighed, looked at Arthur, then, at the invite in his eyes, moved to lean against him. "Then we'll take a portion of her lands as compensation to Lord Edward and us."

Arthur was silent for a while. "That seems like a clause ripe for abuse."

It wasn't a thought that was foreign to Gwen. When Hector had proposed the clause during the peace negotiations, she had vetoed it immediately. But the pressure from the rest of the council, most of whom, either fearing Camelot would lose her position among the Albion kingdoms or bullied into submission by Hector, refused to endorse a peace negotiation without the clause. She could have prevailed – she didn't need their endorsement – but she had been hurting, worried and determined not to allow the other kingdoms to see her as weak and she'd relented.

It was a foolish decision and she regretted it since.

In the midst of her thoughts, Gwen felt Arthur's arms slide around her waist, his face pressing into her neck. "I am sure you made the best decision that you could have at that time."

"Maybe. You wouldn't –"

"Don't," said Arthur firmly as his arms tightened. "I am sure that I've made poor decisions too. Neither of us is perfect."

Gwen tried to smile. "You have made some awful decisions."

"And yet, Camelot survived."

"You didn't." Maybe it was the baby. Maybe it was the impending war. But Gwen suddenly felt tears prick at the back of her eyes. Arthur wasn't looking at her but somehow he knew that she was on the edge of tears because his hand came up to her chin and he tilted her face to his.

She looked into his eyes, clear blue with nothing but love shining through, and her heart stopped. The physical attraction had been there from the start but Gwen couldn't deny that every moment that Arthur didn't say he loved her, chipped at her heart. This, however, was more powerful, more real than any words he could have conjured up and the tears she'd been trying to keep at bay spilled. Arthur turned her so she faced him, and hugged her to him.

"I want to promise you that I'll never leave you again, but we both know that's a promise I might not be able to keep." His breath ghosted along her cheek as he spoke. "But I want you to know that despite my misgivings in the beginning, this is what I want. I want to be your husband, the father of our child and the king of this kingdom you love."

Gwen nodded, pressing her face into his shirt and wiping her tears. Then she lifted her face. "Well then, your highness, we have work to do – unravelling this mess and who is behind is."

"Perhaps," said Arthur quietly, "my return has something to do with this as well."


	20. Chapter 20

Arthur was snoring, wrapped comfortably in some blankets. As feelings of tenderness swept over her, she pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder before slipping off the bed. She looked loved, she thought staring at herself in the mirror, as she straightened her clothes. With the announcement of Arthur's return pending, they had decided there was no need for separate bedrooms anymore.

Satisfied that she looked presentable enough, she left Arthur sleeping in bed. Spending time with Arthur definitely made her more relaxed before council meetings, she thought with amusement as she made her way to the council chambers, Sir Brom at her side.

"Your majesty," he said. "That man - he looks awfully like -"

Gwen arched an eyebrow at him. Immediately he faltered, apologising profusely. The fear and distress on his face made Gwen soften. "I am sure you won't repeat the same mistake. I have put a lot of faith in you after your father's death."

"I understand, my lady."

"Good," said Gwen.

Most of the council had gathered by the time she entered the chambers and a quick look at exactly who they were, and Gwen had a suspicion that they had met earlier. More politics but still, she flashed as warm a smile as she could muster to them.

"Good afternoon," she said as she sat. "Leon, would you like to begin?"

The meeting started out well with discussions on various minor issues that had cropped up in the rebuilding of some towns, a motion by Percival to allow female knights and some speculation over the latest broken engagement of King Reginald. In fact, Gwen almost let her guard down as she laughed at a comment Leon made.

Then Hector spoke.

"Do we have any updates from the men sent to Lady Joan's lands?"

Percival nodded, clearing his throat. "The messenger arrived just this morning. When our men arrived, there had just been a small battle between two small groups of knights. You were right, my lady. Our banners were enough to get Lady Joan and Lord Edward to call a temporary ceasefire. They have been persuaded that it is in their best interests to make a trip to Camelot."

"How long before they arrive?" asked Gwen, although Percival had already given her the information before the meeting.

"About two days."

"Then, they will be arriving with King Lester," said Hector.

"Which is what we want, is it not?" Gwen reached for her mug. "I hope that Lady Joan is amendable to stopping the skirmishes."

"She would be more amendable if you announced your alliance with King Lester."

Gwen raised her eyes to Hector. "And that is your educated opinion? That on my own, we will not bring enough pressure on Lady Joan?"

"Surely you remember the Lady Joan's lands lie on a gold mine. A very productive mine. The amount of gold we can mine from it would make Camelot, and Acerith, so powerful, we can easily dominate the whole of Albion."

And that was all Gwen needed as confirmation of Hector's duplicity. She raised an eyebrow. "Dominate the whole Albion? That sounds … interesting."

Seemingly buoyed by Gwen's hesitant interest, Hector continued. "Alone, we are not in a position to invade –"

"Invade?" Gwen raised an eyebrow, keenly away that the council's eyes were all on her. "There is a peace treaty in place and unlike some other countries, we will not breech it."

"Of course not, my lady. I meant that since Lady Joan has invaded Lord Edward's land, then it is only right that we stop her, but our army is still rebuilding after Camlann so an alliance with King Lester is desirable."

Taking a long sip from her goblet, Gwen nodded. "It is worrying that Lady Joan attached Lord Edward without provocation."

"Gwen?" said Leon tentatively as he walked Gwen back to her chambers. "Surely –"

"Are you concerned that we might get involved in a war? Or that I might marry King Lester's son?"

As they stepped into her chambers, he hesitated. "I am sure that you will make whatever decision is best for Camelot and for you." At those words, Leon's eyes drifted to the still snoring Arthur on her bed. "What's going to happen with him?"

"He's going to return to all of us."

"But you're sure he's Arthur?"

"I am. I've no doubts at all," Gwen said firmly.

Leon hesitated, looking away. "King Lester will not be happy with this turn of events."

"Good. Because I am not happy with whatever games he and Hector have been playing. And frankly, I don't think Lord Edward or Lady Joan will be either."

A smile briefly crossed Leon's face. "I see."

* * *

Gwen smiled wryly when Arthur successfully recited the whole family tree, complete with dry commentary, of King Lester.

"You have to admit that I'm pretty good at this," he said smugly. "Soon I'll have the whole of Albion's royal families memorised."

"Never too soon. King Lester is due to arrive tomorrow, Lady Joan and Lord Edward not far behind, and Merlin is still not back."

Arthur flopped onto the bed. "What do you plan to do? From what I understand, King Lester is not going to be pleased that he's made the trip all the way here only to find out you have no intention of marrying his son. When I am king again, I am going to have that Hector banished from Camelot."

"Not if I do it first," said Gwen. She sat on the bed next to Arthur, grateful when he immediately enveloped her in a hug. "But not until we've cleared up this mess with all the kingdoms."

"So we agree that King Lester and Hector are working together, hoping to claim Lady Joan's lands."

Gwen nodded. "Because of the mines that sit on her lands. And, I suspect, to demonstrate that, for all Merlin has shown, magic is evil since Lady Joan was one of the first to embrace magic."

Under her head resting on Arthur's chest, Gwen could feel his sigh, then his hand in her hair. "Politics. Why don't you run away with me to Helb? Leave all this. We'll build a house in the village. You could be the blacksmith and I could patrol the borders. It'll be perfect."

Even as Gwen smiled at the picture Arthur painted, a tiny bit of disappointment still pulled at her heart. Arthur may be willing to become King again, but comments like this made Gwen wonder if the Arthur she knew and loved was ever going to return.

"Are you alright?" He nuzzled her hair, pressing a kiss against the side of her head.

And yet, despite her misgivings, Arthur's ability to sense her feelings, the kindness and affection he extended to her, the moments of arrogance and the comfort and rightness she felt when she was with him made her determined to make his return work. Perhaps she will never get Arthur back unchanged, but that was a naïve wish. No one returned from the dead unscathed.

"Are you sure we shouldn't be honest about my memory loss?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to give them reason to be even more suspicious about your return. You know they will be – oh."

Arthur stilled beside her. "Gwen? Are you in pain? Do I need to get Gaius?

"I think I feel the baby," she said in awe. "I think I can feel her move."

"Him," said Arthur immediately. "Can I?"

Nodding, she took his hand and placed it on her stomach, willing the baby to move again. But the baby didn't cooperate. Disappointment filled Arthur's eyes when nothing happened. Slowly he removed his hand.

"Maybe another time?" she said.

"I'm sure," he said, smiling at her. Then his smile faded. "Are you sure about tomorrow?"

"We have to do it before King Lester's arrival, whether Merlin returns or not." She closed her eyes. She'd wanted this moment for so long, dreamt about the time when she would announce that Arthur was not dead and the look on Hector's and his cronies' faces. But now that the time was upon them, she was suddenly in the grip of uncertainty. Was Arthur ready? Would the council realise that Arthur didn't have his memories? Were Merlin's concerns valid?

Arthur's hand slid into hers and he squeezed gently. The kiss against her forehead was just a gentle brush. "It'll be fine."

* * *

Gwen's hands were clammy, her heart was pounding in her throat when she called for attention during dinner.

The chatter faded and everyone turned to her. Gwen had addressed the whole court many times before but today, there were butterflies in her stomach. She hoped no one noticed the way her hand shook. Taking a deep breath, she smiled as brightly as she could.

"If you noticed, today's dinner is a little more elaborate than usual." Cheers greeted her words and she nodded. "The reason is, I have wonderful news." She could hear herself choke up. It had been over a month since she had known Arthur was alive but announcing it made all her emotions bubble to the surface. She paused, trying to get a hold of herself. "Just over five months ago, we laid King Arthur to rest. He died for us, for our peace. Perhaps the heavens understood how important King Arthur was to Camelot, perhaps they realised he died far too young, but –" She stopped and swiped at the tears that spilled over onto her cheeks. "But some weeks ago, we realised that Arthur has been returned to us."

Immediately the court reacted. Gasps rang through the hall as confused voices got louder. Eyes scanned the hall, looking for their returned King.

"Returned to us?" demanded someone. "What does that mean?"

"Is he a spirit?" asked another.

"Was Merlin wrong?"

"Are you sure it's Arthur and not some magic forces at work?"

"Where is he?"

Percival called for order and while the murmurings continued, the hall quietened down.

"I understand you have many questions and I'll answer as many as I can, one by one. As for where Arthur is - Sir Leon?"

With a quick nod, Leon stepped towards the heavy doors and pushed them open. And even though Gwen had known Arthur would be behind it, seeing him decked in full King regalia, candlelight glinting off his crown, still made her heart constrict.

For the first time, it truly struck her, Arthur was back.

His appearance led to more chaos, from people bowing hastily as he swept past them, cape billowing behind him to questions hurled both at him and Gwen. Taking the seat next to her at the high table, Arthur closed his hand around hers and she realised that he was nowhere as confident as he looked. His hand was cold and his grip hard.

Gwen was very aware of the slight shiver in Arthur's hands as he ate dinner, although he masked his nervousness well as he chatted easily with the various nobles who came up to welcome him. In front of their King, no one dared to suggest anything negative about his return and the atmosphere suddenly took on a celebratory mood. Stories were told, toasts were made and laughter filled the hall. Gwen could tell when Arthur's confidence returned - there was a sparkle in his eyes, his hand no longer gripped hers and he joked and laughed comfortably with his people.

As he threw his head back, laughing generously at a comment Sir Rowan made, Gwen smiled as she let herself believe that everything would work out.

* * *

 _AN: Firstly, thank you for the comments and for reading. And I hope that you all continue to enjoy this. :)_


	21. Chapter 21

"I see you are enjoying being back."

Merlin's sudden appearance at the training ground distracted Arthur and the knight he was duelling landed a hard blow, sending Arthur tumbling to the ground. Accepting the knight's hand, Arthur got to his feet, pulled off his helmet and sent Merlin a scowl.

"I need to talk to you."

Arthur slapped Sir William on his arm. "Good duel. Next time, I won't hold back."

Merlin snorted. "You're taking to it like a duck to water."

"Here." Arthur tossed his helmet to Merlin, then grinned. "You should get used to having me back as well. Let's walk to the kitchens. I promised Amber I'd drop by."

Merlin passed the helmet to a pageboy, then fell in step with him. Despite the three day journey he had taken, Merlin didn't look any worse for wear. Arthur wondered if it was because he had magic.

"How's being back?"

Arthur gave a shrug. He kept up a strong front for Gwen, not wanting to add on to the pressure that she was already under. Hector and his faction were far from happy but none of them dared to show it in front of him, but he'd heard the angry whispers and the looks shot at Gwen, as if she'd somehow brought him back to life just to ruin them. Men like Hector were all the same. Nothing was ever their fault and they were always the victims. On the other hand, there were Leon, Percival and everyone else who seemed to see his return as a remedy for all their problems, and inadvertently casting doubt on Gwen's rule – something that did not sit well with him either.

Merlin stopped. "You can tell me the truth."

They had entered the castle and with everyone either training for the tournament or getting ready for King Lester's arrival, they seemed to be all alone in the corridors. Their footsteps echoed, his heavier ones next to Merlin's, and Arthur wondered how many times the two of them had walked down these corridors together, discussing matters of the kingdom and the heart.

"I knew people would have certain expectations of me. But my imagination wasn't sufficient to prepare me for the pressures of them. And it's strange to have people bowing and carrying out my every whim."

"You love that," said Merlin, a hint of amusement in his voice. "The bowing, the scrapping, the awe that accompanies your every move. Wait till the tournament. Things will get worse."

"I didn't say I didn't like it. It's just strange. Where is Gwen?"

"She's in the kitchens."

Arthur frowned. "Why is she there? Surely the kitchens can run on its own."

"Gwen may be queen but she's never forgotten her roots," said Merlin quietly.

Of course, she hadn't. Gwen might be struggling with dealing with the various kingdoms and the complex politics of the land but she was the best person he knew, and no matter how painful or difficult, she would do the right thing. But at least now, he was here to support her.

As the stepped into the kitchen, Amber was first to notice them. A smile broke across her face and she turned to him, but just as she was about to break into a run, she stopped suddenly and jerked into a clumsy curtsey. Clearly, Gwen had briefed her well about how she should act before him in front of others.

"Your highness."

Arthur walked to her, bent down and picked her up. Protocol be damned. Amber was like a daughter to him and he wasn't going to have her act his way. She squirmed in his arms as the rest of the kitchens looked upon them, some with amusement, others with disapproval. Merlin simply lifted his eyebrows.

"Where's the queen?" Merlin asked their audience.

"Put me down," whined Amber, her feet kicking him. Then after a moment's hesitation, she added, "Your highness."

Arthur laughed and set her back on her feet. "You don't have to call me that, especially when you rescued me in the forest."

Her eyes widened. "But I –"

Leaning down, he whispered into her ear. "Friends don't call each other by titles."

Amber nodded, her eyes still wide. "I have pies to make."

"Save one for me and Gwen," said Arthur as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Finally Amber smiled again and nodded. "And one for Merlin, too."

"There will be a lot of pie for everyone," said Gwen. "Go on, Amber."

Arthur smiled at her and took her hand. "Good. Pies are important in a good feast."

As they made their way out of the kitchen, Gwen shook her head. "Now I will probably have to transfer Amber to become my handmaiden although she is a little young."

"Why?"

"We can't have you playing favourites with the servants!" Affection laced her voice and she snuggled into his side.

Arthur kissed the top of her head. "I definitely played favourites with you."

Gwen didn't say anything but the smile on her face warmed Arthur's heart.

"That's all very sweet but we have a crisis on our hands. King Lester is about to arrive in a few hours. And I have news from my travels."

"Let's talk in our chambers," said Gwen, the smile on her face fading and her steps quickening. "The walls here have ears."

The moment they entered the royal chambers, Arthur sat on his bed, pulling Gwen to sit next to him. Merlin paced the room, seemingly deep in thought.

"Spit it out, Merlin."

"I spoke to the Cailleach." He finally stopped pacing and leaned against the wall opposite them. "You were brought back from the dead with magic. Dark magic."

A chill settled around Arthur's heart and Gwen's tightened her fingers around his. "What does that mean?" asked Gwen. Her voice wobbled a little and Arthur quickly slid his arm around her shoulders, his throat working yet unable to get any words out to express the fear and worries that crowded his brain.

"It means, he shouldn't be here." Merlin looked away. "And if he is, there is a price to be paid."

"A price," said Gwen slowly, her voice coming from far away even though she was pressed next to him. "And who pays this price?"

"I don't know. The Cailleach intimated that whoever is responsible for Arthur's return would pay. But –"

Arthur finally found his voice. "But?"

"I don't trust her." Merlin let out a long sigh and sank into a chair, worry creasing his brow. "All these magical creatures who guard the Old Religion – they are manipulative and selfish. If they didn't want Arthur to return, they could have dealt with that easily. But they let him return. They want something, something that only Arthur's return can give them."

"Is my memory the price?"

Merlin lifted his eyes to Arthur's. "It may be."

"Who could have wanted Arthur's return?" Gwen asked. "Aside from us?"

"That's what we have to find out."

Gwen detangled herself from Arthur, stood and laughed, a cold, bitter sound that tore at Arthur's heart. "And at the end of everything, are they taking Arthur away again? This magic, this Old Religion – they just toy with our lives with no regard for us. Just whatever takes their fancy."

"Gwen." Merlin reached for her but she avoided his touch.

"Don't. Your magic has been more than useful and I've worked at integrating it into life in Camelot because I believed you when you assured me that it is just a tool, but the way the Old Religion plays with our lives –"

At the sight of the glisten in her eyes, Arthur pushed himself off the bed and wrapped Gwen in his arms. "We'll work it out. I am not leaving you again."

Gwen pressed her face into his shoulder and he squeezed her close, burying his face in her hair as he blinked back his own tears. He didn't care what the Cailleach wanted from him. Seeing Gwen in pain was killing him and he decided there and then, as long as they allowed him to stay, he would do whatever they wanted.

* * *

From her window, Gwen watched as Arthur threw his head back in laughter in response to something Percival said. After the conversation with Merlin, they had spent some time simply cuddling together, both painfully aware that their time together might be shorter but neither wanted to talk about it. Finally, Arthur said he needed to work off his emotions and made his way back to the field where the knights were still training. Emotionally and physically exhausted, Gwen had decided to stay in her room. King Lester would arrive in the evening and she needed to be at her best.

After a short yet restless nap, Gwen had wandered to the window and gazed at Arthur. Despite coming back from the dead, Arthur still wouldn't be easy to beat. The twirl of his sword, the stance he dropped into, the way his body moved as he sparred with one of the younger knights were all very familiar to her. But the man who was in the training ground moved with a freedom that Arthur had lacked in the past few years. She smiled.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Arthur lifted his head, his eyes searching but he failed to find hers.

Another knight approached him, and with a slap on the young man's back, Arthur's attention was drawn back to the training ground.

Gwen told herself she was glad Arthur seemed to be fitting into his role as King easily. No one seemed to notice his memory loss and the knights seemed willing to accept his miraculous return to the land of the living, something she attributed to them having seen it before with Leon. Arthur's easy camaraderie with his knights helped greatly and any difficult questions there were stopped being asked. The council, especially Hector's little group, however were being more difficult about it.

"My lady."

She turned from the window. "Sir Brom."

"King Lester is on his way."

"Thank you. Please get the King from training for me."

She looked at herself in her mirror, smoothing out her dress. Her stomach was rounder but at a glance, she didn't really look pregnant. Not that it mattered. She was under no illusion that news hadn't already spread, somehow, to King Lester that she was pregnant.

The horns sounded and taking a deep breath, Gwen walked to the courtyard to receive King Lester.

Arthur was already there and that calmed her heart slightly. She watched as King Lester's carriage approached, flanked by his knights. It came to a stop just in front of the steps and Gwen walked down, Arthur a few paces behind.

"Queen Guinevere!" King Lester's voice filled the courtyard. Then his eyes fell on Arthur. Confusion coloured his face and he stopped. "King Arthur?" he asked tentatively.

"Lester!" said Arthur. "How good of you to pay us a visit."

Warily, King Lester shook Arthur's hand, then introduced his son, Prince Reynard.

He was young, thought Gwen, as she studied the shy prince. Perhaps as young as she was when her future was inexorably changed with that kiss in her home.

"I have to admit that I wasn't aware you survived the battle at Camlann. In fact, I remember attending your funeral just a few months ago. Didn't we, Reynard?"

Prince Reynard nodded and Gwen thought he'd agree with anything his father said.

"We all thought he was dead too but recently, we discovered he wasn't." Gwen tucked her hand in Arthur's arm. "As you can imagine, we were all very happy. And your visit is fortuitous. We can celebrate Arthur's return together. We have a tournament and a fantastic feast planned for you."

"That," said King Lester, uncertainly, "sounds great. Welcome back King Arthur. We have missed you. If you don't mind, it has been a long journey and we would like to rest a while."

"Of course. Sir Lief, please show King Lester and Prince Reynard to their rooms please."

Side by side, she stood with Arthur and watched as King Lester and Prince Reynard walked into the castle.

"He doesn't look happy," said Arthur.

"No. He doesn't."

Arthur looked down at her, his face serious. "It's going to be a difficult few days."

"That," said Gwen, leaning into him, "is an understatement. But we're together, and we're stronger together."

"I love you, Gwen," said Arthur, the words simple but the emotion deep. His thumb brushed across her cheek and her heart swelled.

"I love you too."


	22. Chapter 22

After a rather tense dinner, King Lester asked to meet Gwen privately and while Arthur expressed his doubts, he eventually left the hall with Merlin. The hall was large but in his thick furs and heavy chains, King Lester seemed to fill the room.

"I am sure you are aware that I made this journey here, left my kingdom without a leader for a few weeks, because I was told that you were willing to consider marriage to my son and thus, a union with my kingdom." His eyes were hard and his hands gripped the round table tightly. A muscle worked in his jaw. "And now you tell me your husband is alive? Has this been some sort of joke?"

Looking directly at King Lester, Gwen decided that, for now, an apology would be best. "I am sorry that …"

King Lester stared unflinchingly at her. "I feel humiliated. I don't like being humiliated."

"King Lester, I assure you that this was not my intention. Had Arthur returned earlier, we would have been able to send word."

"Was your Court Sorcerer mistaken?" Lester bit out, the fingers curled around the edge of the table so tightly, they were white. "Because for a man touted as the most powerful warlock in Albion, that's a very serious mistake to make."

"I –"

"Or is this Arthur something conjured up by your Court Sorcerer? I am no fool, Queen Guinevere. People don't usually come back from the dead. I don't know what game you are playing but believe me, I will find out and you will regret it."

"King Lester!" Gwen raised her voice.

At her words, Lester paused at the doors, one hand placed against them, his posture stiff.

"I heard you out. It is only right that you extend the same courtesy to me." When Lester turned, Gwen lifted her chin and her skirts, then made her way to her chair. Years of being queen had taught her to play their games, games that Arthur sometimes hated, but games that needed to be played.

So she waited on her chair until Lester stood in front of her as a subject would.

"I have no explanation for Arthur's return. And I have no idea who you have been receiving your information from but I have never considered another marriage. Perhaps –" Gwen paused, taking in the redness that slashed across Lester's cheeks with a little too much satisfaction. "Perhaps you should be more discerning about who you listen to and who you trust."

Lester pressed his lips together.

Gwen smiled. "Consider this advice from one ruler to another. Here's another piece of advice. Don't threaten the Queen of Albion's most powerful kingdom. I don't like it."

The vein in Lester's jaw throbbed. "You are very generous with your advice. Here is mine. There are servants and there are rulers and sometimes, people shouldn't pretend to be who they aren't. My lady."

His heavy coat swirled around his ankles as he turned sharply. In the empty hall, the slam of the door reverberated. Finger by finger, Gwen released her hold on the arms of the chair, then placed her hand on her stomach.

"That was an angry king," said Merlin popping his head around the door. "I guess your conversation didn't go too well."

"Eavesdropping, Merlin?"

A wry smile on his face, he walked towards her, reaching out a hand which she took, glad for the support.

"Arthur is on the training ground again. He's definitely enjoying that part of being King."

Standing, Gwen sighed as she felt a headache form. "I'm glad he does. Walk me back to my chambers?"

His hand clasping hers tightly, Merlin nodded. Along the corridors, Merlin filled her in on Arthur's progress with the knights of both kingdoms. He might no longer have his memories, but he clearly still had his sword skills and charisma.

Once the doors of her chambers closed behind them, Gwen sank onto her bed, the exhaustion and stress she was holding at bay suddenly flooding through her.

Merlin frowned, then fetched her some water. "Here. Get some rest. Arthur can entertain the guests. Tomorrow will be a tiring day, when Lord Edward and Lady Joan arrive."

She barely managed a nod before her eyelids slid close.

* * *

Later, Gwen was woken by a light touch and a kiss. Opening her eyes, she saw a smiling Arthur hovering over her.

"Hello. How are you feeling?" Slowly, Arthur sat down on the bed and with a gentle hand, pushed her hair from her face.

"Better. Had a good practice?"

"Mmm," Arthur replied, dropping another kiss on her cheek. "I'm going to need to clean up. How is little Arthur?"

Pushing herself up, Gwen laughed. "Little Gwen is doing fine. Get George to draw you a bath. You do smell a little."

That earned her a tug on her hair before Arthur shucked off his top, dropping it onto the floor. "Great. I'm thinking of not taking part in the tournament."

Her smile faded. "What?"

"I might still fight well - I did easily defeat the knights today - but I'm still rusty and it seems somewhat foolish to have me out there fighting, especially when I've just returned from the dead and especially when it seems that I shouldn't even be back."

It was an argument Gwen herself had put to Arthur several times yet she found herself saying, "You would never miss a tournament. You'd rather risk your life than let your people think you a coward."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Well, I would imagine that having died for Camelot, no one is about to think I am a coward."

"Of course," said Gwen, looking back at the papers in front of her, wondering why she felt unhappy when Arthur was finally doing something she'd been arguing for for years.

"It isn't like King Lester or Prince Reynard are participating," he continued quietly.

"Yes," she agreed.

She heard him sigh. "Gwen, surely -"

"It's fine," she said, looking up at him again. "It's just not like you."

Arthur looked at her silently. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore her irrational emotions. Arthur with nothing to prove. It was different and Gwen wasn't sure how she felt about it.

She felt him move closer to her. Then his hands were on her shoulders, kneading them. "How was the talk with King Lester?"

"In summary, he isn't happy that you're back and I'm not marrying his son."

"How angry?" The feel of Arthur's hands relaxed her slightly and she leaned back into his chest.

"Very. He feels humiliated." She yawned and her eyes fluttered close, her attention drifting. The only thing she could focus on was the movements of Arthur's fingers on her skin. "It doesn't help that instead of grovelling for his forgiveness, I told him to stop threatening me."

Arthur's hands stilled. "He threatened you?"

Shaking her head, she sighed. "In a manner of speaking. Then he suggested I was not fit to be queen."

"Bastard," breathed Arthur. "I will –"

Quickly, Gwen covered Arthur's hand with her own. "Don't. I suspect that he is having a nice, long conversation with Hector right now. Perhaps about the quality of information Hector has been passing on."

"Let's see. King Lester was hoping that with me dead, Hector would be able to pressure you into a marriage with his son and thus uniting the two kingdoms. I imagine if he thinks you so weak, he would think that you would be easy to control as well, thus passing the power to him. He is also seeking to expand his lands, hence stirring up trouble between Lady Joan and Lord Edward."

"All because he thinks I am weak," scoffed Gwen. "I might not have been born into this role but I am not his pawn."

"Then you need to show him you're not weak." Arthur moved from the bed and started pacing. "If I don't – well, you still need to rule Camelot."

Arthur's unsaid thought hung in the air and a coldness entered her heart. "Don't – I can't lose you again."

"I will do anything to stay." He stopped pacing and looked at her. "But I can't promise anything. But you, Guinevere, you are the strongest woman I know and you will survive."

"You called me Guinevere."

He smiled slightly, then sat back down on the bed, cupping her face in his hands. "It's important to you, isn't it? Merlin told me that I rarely called you Gwen."

"We'll sort out these issues, then we'll look into your return." Resting her forehead against his, she sighed. "You're not leaving me again."

"Not if I can help it."

* * *

"Hector and Lester are working together and somehow, they managed to use Lady Joan and Lord Edward as pawns, all because they want Camelot's power and Lady Joan's lands."

Arthur, Merlin, Percival and Leon stood quietly around the round table as she spoke.

Stabbing a finger on the table, she continued. "They thought that with Arthur dead, they could force me into a marriage with Prince Reynard. And then when Acerith and Camelot are joined, he was going to use the conflict between Lady Joan and Lord Edward as a reason to storm into their lands and take them. I can't believe I didn't work this out earlier." She stabbed her finger at the table again. Arthur's hand wrapped around hers, gently pulling her away from the table.

"What do you want to do?" Merlin asked.

She glanced at Arthur, who merely nodded encouragingly at her. "When Lady Joan and Lord Edward arrive later today, I'm going to meet them to renegotiate a peace agreement. That they are both willing to make the journey here suggests that they both want a solution. But we need to keep King Lester away and I doubt that Lady Joan was truly unprovoked."

Understanding dawned in Arthur's eyes. "I can keep King Lester busy. He may be suspicious of me but until he's sure of who or what I am, I think he will be wary of upsetting me."

"Good point," nodded Gwen. "And Percy and Leon, I want you to distract Hector and keep him away from King Lester as much as possible. I'm sure that project he is in charge with will suddenly need increased close supervision."

Percival and Leon nodded.

She caught Merlin's eyes. "It's important we maintain peace in Albion," she said firmly, refusing to allow the curdling fear in her to surface. Once they solved this problem, they could focus on Arthur's return.

* * *

Gwen was asleep when Leon knocked on their door to inform them of the arrival of Lady Joan and Lord Edward. For a brief moment, Arthur had wanted to let her continue sleeping but her absence would lead to more talk about her being weak, especially from King Lester and Arthur did not want that. So he leaned over and kissed her awake.

There was so much pomp and pageantry involved in being King. Flags flew high in the breeze and a row of knights were lined up to receive the two rulers. Arthur adjusted his cape and kept one hand around Gwen's waist. She looked tired and he worried that the stress of these problems and her pregnancy was taking a toll on her health. Later, he would ask Merlin to look at her, just to assure him that she was fine.

Trumpets blared and in the distance, Arthur could see the flags of Lady Joan. With Gwen by his side, he took a step down to get ready to greet her.

Lady Joan rode in on a handsome black horse and with the ease of a skilled horsewoman, dismounted. The description of her in the books he'd read was no match for the cropped hair, athletic woman who stood before him.

"King Arthur." Her eyes widened and she took an unsteady step backwards.

Instinctively, he took a step forward and reached for her.

Then he heard her whisper shakily. "It worked. The magic worked."

He dropped his hands and he felt Gwen staring at him, but he was unable to move, unable to process anything other than the realisation that it was Lady Joan who had brought him back from the dead.


	23. Chapter 23

"Are you sure?" They were hidden behind a tapestry in an alcove and Gwen couldn't help but remember all the times before they married when they stole little moments in such places.

Arthur shook his head. "No, I am not sure but her words …"

Leaning into Arthur and pressing her face into his shoulder, Gwen took a deep breath. Then she looked up. "I will speak to her."

"How are you?" Arthur's arms slid around her waist and pulled her closer to him. In the darkness, the tapestry separating them from the rest of the world, it felt like it was just the two of them. For a moment, Gwen let herself lean against his hard, solid body.

"Upset. Confused. Angry."

He kissed the top of her head.

"Why would Lady Joan do this? If she was planning to bring you back from the dead, then why did she not discuss it with me? What purpose –"

His fingers were in her hair, loosening her bun and his lips brushed across her brow. Just his touch alone was enough to soothe her fraying nerves. How did everything become such a mess in such a short time?

"You know what upsets me the most? I thought Lady Joan and I were developing a good relationship. I thought that as two young women leaders in Albion, we could stand together but she –"

Another kiss against her forehead. "Fear often makes people do foolish things."

Gwen closed her eyes. Fear. Lady Joan had suddenly been thrust into leadership when her father died from a sudden, mysterious illness, not long after Arthur's own demise at Camlann. Gwen had assumed that being born into a noble house, Lady Joan wouldn't have any problems taking up her father's position but now, she wondered if she had been wrong.

Someone coughed, then cleared their throat loudly.

Arthur frowned.

The person coughed again. This time, instead of clearing their throat, they pulled open the tapestry.

"My lord. My lady." Head bent and his eyes on the floor, Leon shifted awkwardly. "Dinner has started and your presence is needed."

"How –" Arthur started to ask but Gwen took his hand and pulled him out of the alcove. Patting down her dress, she nodded at Leon.

"Thank you."

Cheeks red and still unwilling to meet their eyes, Leon grunted something unintelligible then turned sharply on his heel and left them.

"What is wrong with Leon?"

Linking her arm with Arthur's, Gwen smiled as the memory of Leon walking in on them, in the alcove, in a compromising position filled her mind. "Once, many years ago, before we were married, the alcoves used to be where we would sneak meetings."

Arthur's smiled matched hers. "Really? Tell me more about meetings."

* * *

Gwen slept, her curls fanning out across her pillow and her brows pulled into a slight furrow, a sign of the stress she'd been under. With a sigh, Arthur ran a thumb across her brows, easing the frown. He let his hand move lower until he could feel her rounded stomach. She was obviously showing and he'd overheard her asking the seamstress to loosen her dresses.

His child – their child – dwelled in Gwen and it never failed to fill him with awe whenever he thought about it. Sometimes, he wished he could remember when their child had been conceived but not being able to remember anything before that moment he woke in the forest no longer frustrated him the way it used to. Perhaps it was because of the many things that was going on now, that he rarely had time to brood, but Arthur suspected that it was more likely that Gwen, his unborn child and, surprisingly, being king seemed to fill something in his heart, that as lovely as Helb was, he had been missing.

With one last look at his wife, he got out of bed and walked to the window. Night had fallen over Camelot and aside from the few torches lit in the village and those carried by the night patrol, darkness ruled. These were his lands and his people – people he was bound to protect and care for. No matter what Lady Joan had planned with her dabbling in dark magic, Arthur had to admit that he was glad to be back here. Still, he might know nothing about dark magic but Merlin's reaction was enough to tell him that it wasn't good news. It didn't matter. He was determined to stay and he would do anything to ensure that happened. There was no way he was leaving Gwen again.

All the pleasantries and welcome meals were over now that all three kingdoms had arrived and the politics would start tomorrow. He was still learning about the intricacies of the relationships between all the kingdoms and the history of Albion. He was in no way able to negotiate anything without giving away his memory loss, which was why Gwen would be the one leading the discussions, but he was going to be there to support her in whatever way she needed. And although he was itching to confront Lady Joan about his return, Gwen had asked that she be the one to talk to her. But he hadn't promised not to talk to Prince Reynard.

* * *

"Prince Reynard," Arthur was relieved to find him alone in his room. He suspected he wouldn't have as much success with the prince if King Lester was around. "May I have a word?"

The prince poked his head out, his eyes darting across the corridor, probably looking for his father as well, only Arthur wasn't sure if it was for support or if he was hoping his father wasn't around.

"My lord. Um, please come in." Reynard stepped aside, gesturing for Arthur to enter. "What can I do for you?"

Reynard's eyes couldn't meet his and he shifted from feet to feet. Arthur had dressed in his full ceremonial garb, a subtle reminder of Arthur's position, but now he felt a twinge of pity as he watched Reynard. He was young and he appeared as much a pawn as Lady Joan and Lord Edward in whatever nefarious scheme King Lester had cooked up.

He took a seat and nodded at the chair on the opposite side of the table. "How old are you?"

"19." Hesitantly, Reynard settled into the chair, his eyes still everywhere except on Arthur.

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "And you were hoping to marry Gwen? Don't you think you're a little young?"

Heat bloomed in the young prince's face and he stared at the floor.

"Have you met Gwen before?" The annoyance that churned inside him was tempered by Reynard obvious nervousness so Arthur kept his voice calm, friendly even. "Or were you planning to marry her, sight unseen?"

The young prince remained silent and still, his eyes staring at the table that separated them.

"As you can imagine, I wasn't pleased to return and find that you have been courting my wife." Arthur let coldness seep into his voice. "However, I can understand that everyone was under the impression that I was dead." Arthur paused for a while. "Still, it seems very disrespectful of you to not even give my wife any mourning time."

Finally, Reynard looked up at him. Red lined his eyes and he chewed on his lip before he finally spoke. "I apologise, my lord. It was not my intention to disrespect you."

Arthur leaned back and watched Reynard in silence for a moment, enjoying how he shifted in the chair and how his hand gripped the side of the table. "Unfortunately, your intentions don't matter. Now, we have a situation in which it appears that you have your eye on my wife and for two kingdoms in an alliance, this seems like a problem to me. And it will be a problem for you when you become king because no kingdom will trust you."

Reynard might be young and nervous, but he wasn't a fool, and the threat in Arthur's words. "What do you want?"

"Peace in Albion is important but right now, Lady Joan and Lord Edward at on the brink of war. I want your kingdom's cooperation in avoiding war."

"Of course," said Reynard with a frown. "We want peace too."

Arthur stood. "You might want peace, but I know some people in your kingdom find war more profitable. And I'm sure, as prince of a kingdom that borders theirs, that you have information that perhaps we don't have."

Reynard dropped his gaze back to the table.

"Neither Lady Joan nor Lord Edward are what we would consider warmongers. Why would they suddenly act this way?"

A sigh escaped from Reynard as he looked nervously around, then seemed to make a decision. "I know that there were rumours that Lord Edward was planning to invade Lady Joan's lands after her poor harvest as she was vulnerable. The gold mine she has is very attractive."

"But, Lady Joan is the one who is advancing into Lord Edward's lands."

He paled slightly. "Uh –"

"If you know something -" Arthur said, warningly.

Tearing his eyes from Arthur, he mumbled to the table. "She might have thought that a few bandit attacks on the land were the work of Lord Edward."

At his words, Arthur sucked in a breath and willed himself to remain calm. "And they weren't?"

"I don't know," Reynard rushed out. "My father –"

The door opened and King Lester strode in, his eyes narrowing when he saw Arthur and Reynard together. "My lord. Were you hoping to see me?"

Walking over to where a visibly worried Reynard sat, Arthur slapped his back and grinned. "I was just getting to know the prince. After all, from what I've heard, he's almost become the step-father of my child."

King Lester's face paled. "The Queen is pregnant?"

Arthur stepped in front of Lester. "She is. In fact, we will be making an official announcement soon but with all the uncertainties in the various kingdoms, we are waiting for a better time, although we might not be able to hide it for long."

"Congratulations." Lester cleared his throat. "As for the rumours of my son marrying the Queen, that is all they are – rumours. He is far too young and of course, it would be inappropriate timing."

"Of course. I knew it was all a mistake. Servants, probably. They gossip all the time. Oh, don't forget our hunting trip later this afternoon. It would be nice to catch up."

"I can't wait either," said Lester, sounding anything but excited.

Arthur nodded at Prince Reynard, then walked out of the room, feeling very pleased with himself. The information he'd weaselled out of the prince would help Gwen and he'd made Lester uncomfortable.

* * *

When Gwen opened her eyes and didn't see Arthur in bed beside her, she panicked. Pushing herself off the bed, she walked to the door and pulled it open. Sir Brom stood in the corridor.

"Where's the King?"

"Your highness. He left earlier with the young serving girl."

Amber. Then, she remembered Arthur mentioning that he wanted to have breakfast with Amber. Her heart calmed down and she pressed a hand to her stomach. Back inside her chambers, Gwen realised that she must have overslept as the sun hung high in the sky, which meant that breakfast must have been long over. She sighed. Over the past week, she'd been sleeping more and more.

"Probably because of you," she whispered as she ran a hand over her stomach. Glancing at herself in the mirror, clad only in her nightgown, Gwen could see how round her stomach was. Under the dresses that she'd been wearing, she had managed to hide it but she knew an official announcement was imminent.

Her eyes fell on the table and noticed a plate of food and some flowers on it. A smile blossomed across her face as she picked up the flowers and buried her face in them. Roses. A slight pang tugged at her heart but she refused to let it spread. Arthur getting her roses instead of wildflowers was not something to get upset about. Placing the flowers down, Gwen looked at the fresh bread from the kitchens and fruits. She sat on a chair, her stomach rumbling with appreciation.

* * *

Lady Joan was late, probably not keen on the walk through the gardens Gwen had suggested. Gwen lifted her face to the sun, enjoying the feel of it, warm against her skin. The conversation she wanted to have would be difficult and Gwen hoped that being amongst the blooming garden would keep it from getting too ugly. Arthur had returned to their chambers just as she'd been finishing up breakfast and relayed to her his conversation with King Lester and his son, a conversation that only strengthened the idea that King Lester was behind all this trouble brewing in Albion. Now, Arthur and Merlin were off hunting with King Lester, Prince Reynard and Lord Edward, giving Gwen a chance for a nice, long chat with Lady Joan.

"Your highness!" Her skirts in her hands, Lady Joan jogged towards her. "I am sorry for my tardiness."

"It is no problem. I was just enjoying the gardens. It has been a good month for flowers."

"You said you wanted to speak to me privately."

Always direct, Lady Joan rarely enjoyed the usual social chitchats that often accompanied political discussions, which gave many the impression of a cold, unfriendly ruler. But Gwen appreciated her directness here.

"I do. My husband has given me very interesting information."

As expected, Joan tensed. "I thought we were going to discuss my dispute with that snake, Lord Edward."

"Of course. It is the reason we are all gathered here. But before that, I am sure you have heard of my husband's miraculous return from the dead."

Lady Joan's lips were pressed together and a frown creased her brow.

"Merlin – and I trust Merlin with my whole heart – was very sure that he died in Camlann and some research has told us that he was revived, brought back from beyond the veil. Now, King Lester is pleased that Arthur is dead as he believes me to be weak without my husband. Lord Edward is paranoid about magic, so it wouldn't have been him either."

"There are many people who would have wanted King Arthur alive. He was a strong, fair king and he led Camelot and Albion well."

Gwen took a step away from Lady Joan and plucked a flower. Her fingers played with its stem and she regarded Lady Joan. "And so you decided that it would be a good idea to bring him back from the dead."

Even the colourful blooms couldn't ease the tension that encased the two women. Gwen focused her eyes on the flower in her hand although all her senses were attuned to every movement Lady Joan made. The clench of her jaw and the curl of her fingers around her skirts.

"The problem with bringing back the dead," said Gwen, as coolly as she could, "is that there is always a price to be paid."

The frown on Lady Joan's brow deepened and her throat worked. Still, she kept silent.

Her patience wearing thin, Gwen swung around. "Why?"

"There were rumours that King Lester were looking towards my lands and several incursions by what seemed to be bandits into my borders. There were also rumours that you were to be engaged to Prince Reynard –"

The flower dropped from Gwen's hand. "And instead of speaking to me, you thought you would bring my husband back?"

Lady Joan lifted her chin and in her eyes, Gwen saw a desperate strength in them. "I needed to stop any permanent alliance between Camelot and King Lester."

"You used dark magic," said Gwen coldly, her nails digging into the flesh of her palm as she tried to quiet the tremble that started in her stomach and was quickly spreading to the rest of her. "Arthur is back but are your lands saved? I can easily persuade Arthur that in punishment for dabbling in dark magic, we should turn our backs on you."

In one fluid motion, Lady Joan fell to her knees. "I beg you, your highness. All I wanted was to save my lands. I didn't think –"

"Do you not think I have not wanted to use magic to bring Arthur back? Do you think that I would have let all Arthur worked for in his life go to waste? If you had come to me, I would have stood by you. That was the purpose of the peace treaty. Did you think my promises are worth nothing?"

"Your highness."

Gwen pressed a hand to her stomach and closed her eyes. Despite the fresh air in the gardens, she was finding it hard to breathe. Lady Joan was still kneeling and saying something but Gwen focused on drawing breath into her lungs which seemed to have shrunk.

"Are you alright?" Lady Joan was no longer kneeling.

"I feel a little light-headed."

Lady Joan's arm slipped around her shoulder. "Lean on me. Let's go back to the castle."

As angry as she was with Lady Joan, Gwen leaned into her, surprised by how strong she felt.

"Gwen!" She was suddenly swept off her feet into strong arms. Percival. "Make way. The Queen is unwell."

The next thing Gwen knew, she was being tucked into bed.

"Here." Gaius passed her a goblet and she obediently drank from it. "Now, get some rest."

She still had to finish her conversation with Lady Joan. And she had to make sure that preparations for the first round of the tournament this evening was ready. She tried to sit up but a hand kept her down.

"Get some rest, Gwen." Gaius's words were the last she heard before she sank into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

AN: Sorry for the delay! I hope it was worth the wait. :)


	24. Chapter 24

"Merlin?" Gwen opened her eyes to darkness, interrupted only by a few lit candles in the room. In the chair next to her bed sat Merlin. "Where is Arthur?"

"He is at the tournament. He's made excuses for you." Merlin stood then and drew the curtains, allowing the afternoon sun to pour into her chambers. "Are you feeling better?"

Her hand immediately went to her stomach. "Is the baby –" Fear and guilt dried her throat and she couldn't complete the question.

"The baby is fine. Gaius did a check and the baby moved while you were sleeping." Gently, Merlin sat on the side of her bed and took her hand. "You need to rest more. Let Arthur deal with the politics. I'll be there with him, so he doesn't make any dumb decisions."

Merlin's offer was tempting, but all this started when Arthur was not around and she wanted to be the one who dealt with it.

Even without speaking, Merlin seemed to be able to read her mind. His fingers squeezed hers as he spoke. "At least, rest for today. Tomorrow, you can get to all the scheming you have in mind."

"I don't have any scheming in mind."

Merlin's laugh was soft and he tapped her head lightly. "You are always scheming. In a good way. That's why you're such a good queen."

"How was the hunting?"

"Awful," said Merlin on a sigh. "Arthur was showing off, more than usual, I suspect because he was trying to bait King Lester. Lester, naturally took the bait but you know how Arthur's arrogance isn't unfounded. He soundly beat Lester, poor rabbits and deer, so now we have fuming Lester on our hands. Also –"

"Also?"

"Also, Arthur, upon hearing what happened to you, has decided to enter the tournament."

Gwen couldn't help her smile. "I guess he's still the same man, isn't he? Even without the memories."

"He really wants to hit all the people who he thinks hurt you and Camelot, I suspect."

"Lady Joan is the one behind Arthur's return." With Merlin's support, Gwen pushed herself up into a sitting position. "She was desperate and it doesn't seem like she knows what the price is."

"Once this is over, Arthur and I will visit the Cailleach. Hopefully, we will be able to get some answers."

"I don't want to lose Arthur again." Gwen could feel the tears building in her eyes and she blinked. "I can't do this a second time."

"I don't think I can either," said Merlin, then he smiled slightly and pulled Gwen into a hug. "I wonder if that ass knows how much he is loved."

Her watery laugh was muffled in Merlin's shoulder. "He does, but he'll pretend he doesn't."

Merlin kept her company for a while as Gaius returned to check on her, declaring, after much poking and prodding, that what she needed was more rest and less stress. Easier said than done, Gwen said to Merlin after Gaius left, but instead agreeing with her, Merlin had simply frowned.

"You're not to leave the room tonight," he said.

Gwen nodded. She was still feeling exhausted and had no plans to leave the comfort of her bed, and as much as she wanted to continue her conversation with Lady Joan, she was not about to put her child at any risk. Tomorrow though, she would hopefully be rested enough to start the actual negotiations between the kingdoms. She was under no illusions that King Lester would admit to his manipulations and she knew that both Lady Joan and Lord Edward were both far too angry with each other to discuss anything in good faith.

Pain throbbed behind her eyes and she closed them. "I need to talk to Joan and Edward without King Lester or Hector around."

"That," said Merlin, "is something that Arthur and I can definitely help you with."

There was a sharp knock, before Sir Brom opened her door and let Amber in. Despite the tray in her arms, Amber practically ran to Gwen's bedside.

"Are you sick?" Her eyes were wide and filled with concern. Affection filling her, Gwen reached out and stroked her cheek. "Kay – uh – Arthur was so worried."

"Come here," said Gwen, petting the side of her bed, smiling when Amber placed the tray on the bed, then scrambled up. "I'm feeling fine. There's nothing to worry about."

"I'll leave you two and go see if Arthur has managed to hurt himself yet." Merlin stood, then pressed a quick kiss on her cheek. "Make sure the queen eats and rests, Amber."

Amber nodded seriously and Gwen couldn't help cuddling the young girl to her.

* * *

"You didn't need to humiliate the poor knight so thoroughly," said Merlin as he lounged on a bench in Arthur's tent.

"Are you going to help me with my armour or just sit there and comment on my skills?" Tearing off his helmet, Arthur tossed it at Merlin, who caught it with the ease of having done this over and over again.

"Gwen is awake and seems fine."

Arthur slammed his sword onto the table. "Well, she shouldn't have been so stressed in the first place. A peace treaty was in place and because one kingdom decided that they wanted more, Gwen is suffering, war is on the brink of breaking out in Albion and I am back from the dead, with some curse that must be lurking, waiting to extract some price."

"You throwing a fit isn't going to make anything better."

"Gwen should have thrown Hector out from the council, and not been so generous with King Lester."

That made Merlin frown. "Gwen did the best with what you left her."

"What do you mean?"

"You kept Hector on the council even though he was never very respectful of Gwen behind your back. There was no way she could have dismissed him so soon after your death without looking bad."

The anger that had been simmering in him, towards all the people who had been making life difficult for Gwen, suddenly turned inward. "Why would I keep Hector on?"

Merlin let out a long sigh. "History and your desire to see the best in everyone."

"What are you saying?"

"Never –"

Arthur took a step towards the bench. "Whatever you have to say, say it."

"Hector was loyal to your father and because of that, you've always given him a little more leeway than you might have the other knights. As I said, you always like to think the best of people and you give your trust easily, to most people."

"So, this is all my fault. If I hadn't -" He let his words tail off as he grabbed his sword, his hand curled so tightly around the hilt that the metal cut into his palms. He could thrust the sword into his stomach and it would not equal the pain his foolishness had caused Gwen.

Merlin was standing and his hand was on his shoulder. "Gwen understands. She knows you meant well. And you did. Sometimes it is better to keep your enemies closer."

The tournament bell rang, slicing into the thoughts that were running rampant in his mind.

"Focus on the tournament. It's King Lester's knight next."

Arthur slanted Merlin a look as he slid his sword into its scabbard. "You should have thought of that before telling me it's all my fault."

"I didn't say –"

Grabbing his helmet from Merlin, Arthur snapped, "shut up, Merlin."

Guilt and worry ate at him as he stepped out to the cheering crowd. Just moments before, assured that Gwen was simply tired, he had soaked up the adulation of the crowd, their blatant love for him nourishing him in a way that he'd never experienced before. Now, the yells and hollers were accusations, for not surviving Camlann, for leaving Gwen.

"Arthur," said Merlin, clearly incapable of shutting up at all, "you can't change the past. And you need to win this, if only to show King Lester that you are no weaker than before your death."

He shrugged Merlin's words away and stalked onto the field. His opponent was already there, decked from head to toe in armour. Arthur bowed as customs demanded, then drew his sword.

 _Focus._

 _You kept Hector on the council._

 _Focus._

A sudden blow, blocked only by his instincts, shook Arthur from his thoughts. He glanced up into the stands, to see King Lester grinning in conversation with Hector.

Another blow struck his shoulder and Arthur staggered a few steps back, his attention back on the knight duelling him. Behind him, the crowd roared. The anger that he had managed to keep in check in the round before surged with the volume of the crowd and Arthur lifted his sword, swinging it as he lunged towards King Lester's knight. Metal struck metal, and for some moment, they traded blows equally, moving around the combat area with neither the better. Arthur swung again, landing a heavy blow on the opponent's side, following it with a swift kick. His opponent crumbled to the ground but before Arthur could claim victory, his opponent deftly rolled away, leaving Arthur with his sword in the ground. It was a long fight but finally, with the taste of dust, blood and revenge in his mouth, Arthur had his sword at his opponent's throat.

"I yield."

Arthur kept the sword at the knight's throat, his eyes moving back to the stands. King Lester was standing now, the grin Arthur had noticed before the fight no longer on his face. Arthur waited until Lester's eyes met his. Then, with deliberate slowness, Arthur moved his sword away.

Sir Leon announced Arthur as the victor to great cheer. As expected, Arthur pulled off his helmet, then waved to the crowd, attempted to smile even as the anger he hadn't managed to work out during the fight festered in him.

"Mer –"

"Arthur!" Amber jumped off the bench and ran to him.

Dropping his sword, Arthur swept her up and held her close. "What are you doing here?"

"The Queen told Cook to let me watch the tournament. You were so great. Can you teach me to fight? I'm older now!"

The tension in him eased and Arthur smiled as he settled Amber back on her feet. "Did you visit the Queen earlier?"

"If I tell you, will you teach me to fight? I want to twirl the sword like you did." Amber hopped then waved an imaginary sword in the air. "Swoosh!"

"Amber," said Arthur firmly, one hand on her shoulder to stop her from jumping around. "How is the Queen?"

"She says she's tired." Amber's eyes widened and she gestured for Arthur to bend down, which he did, his heart speeding up as he worried about what news Amber was about to break. "Did you know she's going to have baby? She says it's a secret!"

Laughter burst out of Arthur, obliterating the remnants of the tension in his body. "I did," he whispered back in her ear.

"She let me touch her stomach. She says you are the Daddy!"

"I am," said Arthur, the thought of his child warming his heart. "And you'll be like a sister to him or her."

Amber grinned. "I want a sister. Boys are smelly."

"I'm not smelly!"

Her nose wrinkled. "You are."

"Come on." Arthur stood and took Amber's hand. "Let's go back to the castle and see the Queen."

* * *

Gwen was only half asleep when Arthur returned, hand in hand with Amber. Amber wanted to touch her stomach again so Gwen let Arthur lift her onto the bed, then answered what seemed like hundreds of questions from the little girl, some of which Gwen was pretty sure she'd answered before. Finally, Arthur shooed Amber out of the room.

From the bed, Gwen watched as Arthur closed the door, then leaned his forehead against it. Even in the dim light, she could see the tension in his shoulders.

"Arthur?"

He turned but made no move to go to her.

"Is something wrong?" She pressed a hand to her stomach, as if trying to protect her child from whatever bad news Arthur was about to deliver.

"I'm sorry." His voice was low and harsh.

She frowned. "Why are you apologising?"

"I should have dealt with Hector." He rubbed his forehead. "Not let him stay on the council, not when he couldn't give you the respect he should have –"

"Arthur, it's not your fault. Stop it." Pushing herself up, Gwen leaned against the headboard and reached out an arm to him.

He hesitated a moment before walking to the bed, perching at the side and taking her hand. "Amber says I stink."

"She's not wrong." Gwen rubbed at a dirt stain across his cheek. "You need to wash up but before that, who gave you the idea that Hector's nonsense is your fault?"

"Merlin," sighed Arthur. "Don't coddle me Gwen. If I was an ass, I want you to tell me. I have a second chance at life. I want to be better."

"I don't want you to change, Arthur. You have a good heart and part of it is believing and trusting people." She cupped his face. "You trust easily and it's not always a bad thing."

"It is when it hurts you."

Gwen smiled. "But that's what I love about you, Arthur. How much you love. Yes, you've loved and trusted the wrong people and you can be stubborn about it, but I rather have you with your soft heart than someone who lives in constant fear and distrust." She rubbed her thumb across his lip. "Just, listen to me and Merlin when we tell you that perhaps some people shouldn't gain your trust so easily."

Arthur kissed her fingers, then threaded his fingers through them. "I love you, Guinevere."

"I love you too."

"How are you feeling?"

"Annoyed that I couldn't finish my conversation with Lady Joan. But tomorrow, I want to start negotiations and reveal Lester for the liar he is, and I need your help."

A corner of Arthur's lips lifted. "Is that what you've been doing in bed the whole day? Scheming?"

"You're the second person accusing me of scheming today."

The smile widened. "The truth is the truth. Shall I wash up first, before you regale me with your plans?"


	25. Chapter 25

In the armoury, Arthur dropped his helmet onto the bench. Around him, his knights were similarly stripping down after the morning training. Lester had asked that his knights be allowed to join, as warm up for the evening tournament rounds, to which Arthur had easily agreed.

"Leon."

"My lord." Leon stopped fussing with his armour and looked up.

"I want to talk to you."

Inclining his head, Leon walked to where Arthur sat. "What about, my lord?"

"When we heard of the conflict brewing between Lady Joan and Lord Edward, we should have immediately formed an alliance with Acerith and sent our men in."

Leon blinked then frowned. "That would have provoked a war."

"Frankly, if those two small kingdoms want to get into a spat, especially after signing the peace agreement, then they deserve a war on their doorstep. And it wouldn't do any harm for Camelot to take control of some of those lands," Arthur shook his head. "Gwen needs to be more assertive."

"Uh, perhaps we can discuss this at a more appropriate time," said Leon, shifting from one foot to another, his eyes flitting across the room full of knights.

Arthur looked around at the knights who were shamelessly eavesdropping and nodded. "You're right, Leon. And I'm sure Gwen did the best that she could."

"She's done very well. It's not easy getting all the Albion kingdoms to sit down together and sign a peace treaty."

At Leon's defence of Gwen, Arthur couldn't help but smile. "Help me with my armour, Leon."

"Of course, my lord."

* * *

"There are some correspondence that I need to see to. I suppose you will be with your knights?" Gwen leaned briefly into his side, before looking up at him with a smile, her eyes shining with fondness. Arthur slipped an arm around her to bring her closer for a kiss, thinking about how being with her and their child was worth everything.

"I was thinking of spending some time with Amber, actually," he murmured against her lips. "I thought I'd let her watch the training."

"Have fun and keep her safe," said Gwen. Then she lowered her voice. "Don't forget the meeting this evening."

"I'll be there." He gave her one last kiss, then released her.

Arthur watched as Merlin led Gwen back to their chambers, trying not to let his worry about her overwhelm him. She claimed she was feeling well, but Arthur wasn't sure whether to believe her or not. After all this time with her, Arthur suspected that lying to prevent him from worrying was something that Gwen wasn't adverse to.

"Sire?" Hector hovered next to him, dragging Arthur's attention away from Gwen.

"What is it?"

"King Lester would like to see you, in private."

"We just had a private lunch with him." Arthur eyed Hector. A thick fur cape was draped over his skinny shoulders and gold chains hung from his neck, all meaningless accoutrements meant to disguise the snivelling coward he was, thought Arthur.

"He wishes to speak with you, without the Queen."

Arthur kept his face blank and stepped back into the dining hall. "Of course."

Still at his place at one end of the table, King Lester watched Arthur as he took his seat. Arthur held his stare, his mind churning with possibilities.

"My lord." After a long moment, Lester broke the heavy silence. "I wanted to speak with you about the brewing conflict between Lady Joan and Lord Edward."

"We will have time to talk about it tomorrow, before the finals of the tournament. We've cleared a whole day for discussions." Leaning back in his chair, Arthur crossed his arms.

Lester nodded. "I know, but I thought a discussion between just the two of us, to make sure we have the same goal."

"And what is that goal that we have in common? Do enlighten me."

The smile that stretched across Lester's face sent a chill down Arthur's spine. "Let's not play games, King Arthur. I know you see this as an opportunity to get a foothold into their lands, lands that are very valuable – sea access, copper mines."

"I agree that the two of them are in control of some very valuable lands."

"Camelot and Acerith would benefit greatly if those lands were under our control."

Arthur narrowed his eyes and drummed his fingers on the thick wood of the table.

When it was apparent Arthur was not going to reply, King Lester continued. "I understand that, unlike your wife, you are not against expanding your borders."

"Guinevere can be somewhat – conservative," said Arthur.

Taking Arthur's words as encouragement, Lester ploughed on. "We are the two strongest kingdoms in Albion and two of the smaller ones are especially weak at this moment. Why not take the opportunity that is presented to us? If we work together, neither kingdom can defy us and we can both maintain the peace your wife was so eager to keep, while absorbing some of their lands."

"That," said Arthur slowly, leaning forward, "is an interesting proposition. What exactly are you proposing?"

Like Gwen had suspected, King Lester was eager to use the clause in the peace treaty to his advantage, wanting to align his kingdom with Camelot.

"You seem to have put a lot of thought into this. I admit, it is very tempting. Lady Joan's mines, as I understand it, are near the border, which would make it only right that we take control of them."

The smile that spread across King Lester's face was amazing in its utter lack of warmth. "I am glad you understand. You might be more like your father than I believed. Your father was a great king."

Arthur forced a returning smile. "That is the greatest compliment that you could give me. I must say that things have fallen into place quite serendipitously. It does seem quite uncharacteristic for Lady Joan to invade another kingdom."

"Sometimes," said King Lester, his smile turning smug, "you need to help move things along. Provide people with incentives."

"Incentives," repeated Arthur.

"Yes. Perhaps someone whispered into both leaders' ears, sowing distrust and discord. Sometimes, as rulers, we cannot wait for things to happen."

"Very impressive."

Lester's yellowed teeth flashed. "It required a light touch."

"My wife thinks that peace can be maintained and she has made arrangements for a meeting between Edward and Joan this evening, during the festivities. She hoped that you would be distracted."

"I see."

Arthur stood. "This was a very enlightening conversation."

With one last nod at King Lester who still sat at the table, acting like he was the one who called the shots in Camelot, Arthur walked out of the room. It was not a surprise to see Hector lingering outside.

"You made the right choice, my lord."

"I don't like people who eavesdrop," said Arthur coldly.

* * *

Gwen leaned down and cupped Amber's face in her hands. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

The young girl bit down on her lip, uncertainty in her eyes, as she nodded firmly. "I can do this. It's not hard."

Her eyes moved to Merlin who stood to the side of the room. "And you're sure this will work?"

"I am Court Sorcerer," said Merlin with a huff. "But yes, it's not a difficult potion to make. I might have given a little bit to Arthur to test."

Gwen's eyes widened. "Merlin!"

He grinned. "I didn't. I know he's off trying to get into Lester's good books. Can't have him spouting about how much he thinks the beard on Lester looks like a dead rat."

Amber laughed. "It does! I told him that."

"Did you?" asked Merlin. "That makes you a very clever girl."

"Does this mean you'll teach me magic?" Amber hopped from one foot to another as she looked imploringly up at Merlin. "I can read a little. Gwen has been teaching me."

Pinching her cheek, Merlin smiled. "Maybe when you're older."

Immediately, a pout formed. "You are just like Arthur. He won't teach me how to use the sword either."

"Well, I think you're old enough to do this secret errand," said Gwen, drawing Amber back into the main purpose of their huddled conversation.

"Yes!"

Gwen looked at Amber, all large eyes and innocence, and once again she questioned if this was really the best plan. But like Arthur had argued last night, it made sense. Amber had access to the kitchen and no one really paid attention to her. If either of them wandered into the kitchen, there would be tongues wagging and the last thing they needed was for Lester to think that something was up.

"So, tell me again, what do you need to do?"

"I need to empty this into King Lester's soup without anyone seeing."

"Good." Gwen tucked Amber's hair behind her ears. "The best time is just before they serve the soup. I've already told Cook that I want you to serve the royal table, to practise."

Amber nodded again as she bounced on the balls of her feet. "I'll do it right."

"I'm sure you will. But if you don't manage to, just let Merlin know."

"I'll be at the corner of the royal table," said Merlin.

"Yes. Can I feel the baby now?"

"Of course. Come here."

As Amber placed her hand on Gwen's round stomach, then her ear, Gwen tangled her fingers in Amber's hair.

"I miss home. I miss my mum." Amber said suddenly, lifting her head.

"Oh Amber." Ignoring Merlin's frown, Gwen lifted Amber onto her lap. "Once all these people go home, we'll take a trip back to Helb to see your mother. How does that sound?"

Amber blinked up at Gwen. "Promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

As she was consulted on various things related to the festivities that night, time flew past. Just before the dinner was due to commence, Arthur entered their chambers with a huge grin and presented her with roses from the castle garden one, pressing kisses against her neck and she found herself irrationally wishing they were wildflowers from the side of a road.

"Wildflowers?" He said in slight confusion. "You don't like roses?"

"No, it's not that. It's just –" She stopped when she realised how foolish it sounded. "Nothing. Thank you. They are lovely."

Arthur studied her, then took her hands and pulled her so she stood right in front of him. "I used to pick you wildflowers."

"Yes."

"Well," Arthur said, "Another thing to remember." One arm snaked around her waist and tightened so that she was flushed against his body. His head dipped and he nuzzled the hollow of the throat, making her moan.

"We have to get to dinner," Gwen said, curling her fingers into his hair. It was the only thing she could think to say.

"A few minutes won't hurt," said Arthur firmly against her collarbone, as if he was trying to make her believe it too when his lips were nibbling her bare skin.

"Arthur -"

He grinned. "Just a little while. I miss you."

His hand slid up her side, until it cupped one breast gently. Completely predictably, Gwen melted against him. "Just a while."

Wisps of her hair had escaped her bun but Gwen thought she looked presentable enough. Merlin sighed knowingly when she and Arthur caught up with him but kept his mouth shut. Arthur's mouth, however, twitched with amusement and he wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to him.

"You said once that you wanted to name your child after your parents," said Gwen as they walked to dinner.

"I always thought it was a bad idea," chimed in Merlin. "Especially naming after your father."

Arthur shook his head. "He was an ass wasn't he? At least the more I learn about him, the more he seemed like an ass. Lester thought I would be pleased to be compared to him."

"That he was. I like your new outlook," said Merlin approvingly. "I don't have to pretend to like your father now. Did Gwen tell you about the time he came back from the dead to try and kill us?"

Gwen felt Arthur's arm tighten around her waist. "No."

"Merlin," said Gwen. "It's not important."

Clearly disagreeing with her, Merlin simply sighed. "What is important is that our plan succeeds. Maybe you should have thought of that before your little – thing."

"Thing." Arthur chuckled. "Are you twelve?"

Ignoring Arthur's remark, Gwen stilled as the weight of the need for success gripped her. Albion's peace depended on them and she wanted more answers from Lady Joan and Gwen knew she needed to secure Lady Joan's lands before Gwen could get anymore answers from her.

"It will work. You will lead the peace negotiations successfully."

"But -"

Arthur's eyes narrowed. "Are you going to tell me that usually I would lead all negotiations?"

"Yes, no matter what part I play in them. You take the lead."

"I am not that Arthur," he said quietly. "You should lead the negotiations. Your plan is a good one and we've done all that we can to put things in place. Lester is overconfident in his certainty that I am his ally and he's essentially confirmed to me everything we've suspected him of doing. Merlin's magic will reveal all when he crashes the meeting tonight."

Gwen wished she had the confidence of Arthur and Merlin but she did pull herself together, just as they reached the dining hall, for a tense dinner with King Lester, Prince Reynard, Lord Edward and Lady Joan.

* * *

AN: Life has been busy. :( Anyway, those of you still reading this, I hope you enjoyed this update. :)


	26. Chapter 26

"I don't see the point of this meeting." Lord Edward tossed his gloves onto the round table and slumped into a chair. "Arthur is not here and I have no intention of dealing with that snake."

Lady Joan, in the midst of removing her coat, stilled. "It takes one to know one."

"We are all here with the same goal in mind," said Gwen firmly. "Please, take your seats."

With some grumbling, the two rulers sat down, both determined not to look the other in the eye. Gwen couldn't help but be reminded of the young children she used to help look after.

"Now, it is true that your men have walked into the border towns of Lord Edward's lands and taken control of them, right, Lady Joan?" Gwen reached over and pointed at a map that laid spread across the table. Her finger on the town that Lady Joan had annexed, Gwen looked up at the young noblewoman.

A red flush coloured her face and she frowned. "Only because he has been robbing my lands."

Edward slammed his fist on the table. "What proof do you have?"

"I don't need proof to know that you've been sending bandits into my land," snapped Joan, finally turning her head to stare at Edward. "It's exactly the kind of games you play. I may have just ascended the throne but I am not a fool."

"Lies! I did nothing, ordered nothing. If your borders are so useless that mere bandits can –"

"You have always eyed the mines in my land –"

Gwen stood, one hand on her stomach. But before she could open her mouth, the doors to the room swung open and King Lester marched in. Without a word, he walked in, barely giving anyone at the table a glance, and sat at the round table, every inch the arrogant ass that Gwen thought he was. Behind him, Arthur entered the room, his eyes immediately meeting hers, calming her.

"I believe you forgot to invite me. Thankfully, your husband was a little more competent."

Gwen forced herself to smile. "The lack of an invitation was not an oversight, Lester. And this is a discussion between Joan and Edward. You are not welcomed."

Arthur cleared his throat. "Guinevere, King Lester is a valued ally. If he wishes to be part of these negotiations, then there is no reason to deny him."

"Seeing that my lands border these two kingdoms, I have every right to be here."

Gwen darted a look at Arthur, who nodded slightly. "Since you're here, you might like to clear up a few matters for us."

Joan leaned forward. "Yes. Tell them who was the one sending bandits into my lands. Tell them how I am the victim in all this. You were the one who sent me evidence of Edward's duplicity."

"What is Lady Joan talking about, King Lester?" Edward was standing now, his hand at his sword, his jaw clenched. "You told me that –"

"I –" Lester frowned, then cleared his throat. "I sent the bandits to attack Lady Joan."

There was a gasp then utter silence.

"I mean I sent the bandits." Lester's face reddened. "I sent the bandits."

"We heard you the first time," said Gwen, silently saying a quick thank you to Merlin's potion brewing skills. "The question is why?"

A cold laugh echoed through the room. "You wanted to get your filthy hands on my land, you bastard. And you, Edward, were a pawn in his manipulations."

"That is exactly it," said Lester. "I mean, that is what I wanted to achieve." Sweat beaded on his forehead as his eyes flashed with anger and his hand went to the sword that hung at his hip. "What did you do to me? What has your wife done?"

Arthur took a step forward, towards Gwen.

"You did this to yourself," said Gwen. "All these lies and schemes, just to expand your lands. And you drag innocent kingdoms into it, setting yourself up as some sort of saviour. You are lower than a

"You set me up!" Lester turned his head to stare at Arthur. "This meeting is a trap!" His eyes landed on Gwen. "You conniving –"

A few more steps took Arthur next to Gwen. "My wife is queen and I don't want you talking to her like that. What were you playing at, Lester? Did you think that –"

"It's magic. You used magic on me! Your court sorcerer –" Lester stood and drew his sword. Everyone at the table jumped up. Before Gwen could move, Arthur grabbed her arm and drew her behind him. His own sword was drawn and he aimed it at Lester.

"Think before you make your next move, Lester. No one here is on your side. And any duel between the two of us will end in my victory."

The sword in Lester's hand trembled. "Using magic on people is prohibited."

"We can't help it if your conscience is forcing you to be truthful," said Gwen. "There is no –"

There was movement, then Edward lunged forward, pushing past Gwen, his sword drawn. Her first thought was to stop Edward so she reached out. A sharp pain sliced through her and she screamed. Chaos exploded around her, swords clanked against swords, screams and yells mingled but all Gwen could think of was her baby. There was blood on her hands and the room shifted. Blindly, she reached for a chair, lowering herself into it.

"Merlin!"

There was light and smoke and when Gwen could see again, Edward, Lester and Joan sat against the walls, tied up. Arthur was kneeling by her side, worry creasing his forehead as he touched the blood on her arm.

"I'm fine. It's just my arm," said Gwen, trying smile despite the pain shooting through her.

"Get Percy and Leon and take them all to the dungeons! No, I don't care that they are rulers of a kingdom. They all need to calm down." Arthur looked back at her. "Come, let's get you to Gaius. Merlin, clean up in here."

Gwen smiled as she stood, leaning heavily against Arthur. "It's been a while since I've seen you act like that."

"Like a tyrant, you mean?" Curious guards littered the corridors, but neither Gwen nor Arthur paid them any attention. "How did you think the meeting went?"

"Not too bad, considering the all-out brawl that ended it. But we got Lester to admit the truth –"

"Through magic," said Arthur, slight doubt in his voice.

Gwen dropped her head into his shoulder. "I don't like it either, but he'd managed to sow enough distrust and bad feelings between Joan and Edward that only a confession from Lester would have broken through their defensive bubbles. It's good that you managed to get him to think that you were on his side. He never knew what was coming."

They reached their chambers and Arthur gently guided her in, tucking her gently into the bed. "Ah, your wound isn't deep. Let me get some bandages."

"They are in the bottom drawer of the night stand," murmured Gwen as she closed her eyes and sank into the comfort of her bed.

She kept her eyes closed while Arthur washed her wound, smiling as he whispered words of comfort. In between, he pressed kisses against her cheek and forehead. She felt him wind the bandaged around her arm, completing the tending to her wound with another kiss to her forehead. Then, he slipped into the bed with her, pulled her into his embrace and in silence, they lay there. After the excitement of the meeting, Gwen was glad to listen to Arthur's steady heartbeat.

"All the parties are in the dungeons. Lester is cursing up a storm, Joan is shaking and muttering to herself and Edward is certain that since he hurt Gwen, you're about to declare war on his kingdom."

Under her, she felt Arthur sigh. "Merlin, thanks for knocking."

Amusement laced Merlin's voice. "You're welcome, seeing that I had to bear the brunt of the mess you left in the council room. Now what?"

Gwen opened her eyes. "We can't keep them there forever, much as I want to."

"No," agreed Arthur. Then, he sighed again. "I'll go pay them a visit."

"I'm coming with you," said Gwen as she pushed herself up. "I want to see this through."

"I'm just coming to watch the fireworks," said Merlin. "And in case another mini-battle breaks out."

* * *

As they strode down to the dungeons, Arthur had to admit being king was growing on him, although a lot of it had to do with the woman holding his hand. He hadn't been to the dungeons before so he allowed Merlin to lead the way.

"Curse you, Arthur. Treating me this way is asking for war!"

Arthur turned the corner to the cells. Lester shook the bars and continued to rant at Arthur.

Letting go of his hand, Gwen stepped towards the cell. "You're lucky that your shenanigans didn't drag the whole of Albion into a war. I'm pretty sure that you have no allies anymore, Lester. Not once they hear about what you did."

"You are nothing but a –"

"You will want to think twice before you finish that sentence," said Arthur, his hand drifting to his sword. He had enough of people implying that Gwen was a less than capable leader, especially from the man who had done nothing but attempt to undermine her at every turn.

Lester scowled. "What do you want?"

"Gwen?" This had been her conflict to bear, so it was only right that she decided on the consequences.

"I want a public apology to both Edward and Joan and the commitment of your men to rebuilding the towns that were attacked during this mess."

Lester's knuckles turned white as he tightened his grip around the bars. "What if I refuse?"

Arthur stepped forward. "Then you will never see your kingdom again. I believe that you have competition for the throne. I believe they will be amendable to working with Camelot."

Gwen made an impressed noise and Arthur stifled a grin. All that studying wasn't for nothing.

"Fine. Now, let me out."

Glad that he wasn't about to be plunged into a war, Lord Edward apologised both to Arthur and Gwen, and Lady Joan. In return, Lady Joan made her own apologies. Pleased with the resolution, Arthur instructed Leon to let all of them out. As they trooped out of the dungeons, Lester cast him and Gwen a dirty look. Arthur responded with a grin and an arm around Gwen.

"Lady Joan."

"My lady." Joan stopped and turned around.

"I believe we have unfinished business," said Gwen.

There was a quality to Gwen's voice that Arthur hadn't heard before and he tightened his hold around her waist. What unfinished business could Gwen and Joan possibly have?

"Merlin, this would interest you as well."

Joan pressed her lips together and swallowed, nervousness written all across her face, making Arthur even more curious about what this all was about.

"Perhaps we should speak somewhere more private," said Joan.

Gwen turned to the two guards. "You two are dismissed. Percival will come get you when we're done."

"What is this about?" Arthur darted this gaze from Gwen to Joan. Tension shimmered between them and then Arthur remembered Joan's words when she first arrived in Camelot.

"Why don't you tell Arthur and Merlin what you did, Lady Joan."

Avoiding eye contact with any of them, Joan sucked in a breath. "It was I who brought you back from the dead."

"You?" Merlin gasped. "You have the power to manipulate life and death. No, you made a deal with someone to use dark magic to revive Arthur."

Joan's head tilted up, despite the uncertainty in her eyes, she looked directly at Gwen. "There were rumours that you were about to marry Prince Reynard, joining with Lester's kingdom. I might have been foolish enough to believe Lester when he said Edward was attacking my lands, but I knew that Lester wasn't telling me because of any sense of goodwill."

"And you didn't trust me," said Gwen. "You didn't trust that Camelot would never invade a friend."

"With Arthur gone, I couldn't be sure."

It disappeared in a blink of an eye but Arthur saw the hurt on Gwen's face. He moved so that he stood closer to her, wanting to give her comfort and assurance. There was some irony in the fact that at this point, without his memories, Arthur was certain that Gwen was a better ruler than he could be now and yet, she faced so many doubters.

"Dark magic always has a price," said Merlin coldly. "And it seems Camelot will have to bear that price. Even in your lands, dark magic is punishable and yet you –" Merlin shook his head, then turned sharply away. He took a deep breath then turned back. "I will let Arthur and Gwen deal with your transgressions against Camelot, but before that, you need to tell me exactly what you have done so I can fix this. The consequences of your recklessness with dark magic will not hang over Camelot."

Beside him, Arthur felt Gwen stiffen. He knew what she was thinking – did fix this mean Arthur would die again. Taking her hand, he squeezed it, trying to tell her that he wasn't going to leave her again. And if that meant taking on whatever dark magic threw at them, he would do it.

Lady Joan bowed her head. "I apologise and of course, I will tell you everything. I do hope you will consider the circumstances in which I resorted to this. Also, you cannot tell me that you are not pleased to have your King back."

"You should stop talking now," said Gwen. "I will leave this to you, Merlin. I have had a long day."

Arm in arm, they left the dungeons.

"I won't leave you again." At the door to their chambers, Arthur kissed her forehead.

Her hand fisted in his tunic. "Don't say that. You said that before, and you left anyway."

"I won't leave you without a fight." Gwen dropped her head into his shoulder and he hugged her tightly. "I won't."


	27. Chapter 27

Gwen smiled fondly when upon waking, she saw Arthur up and about.

"You never wake before the sun or me," she said sleepily. "You used to be so difficult to wake. Merlin -"

Arthur's quiet response took her by surprise. "Don't."

"Don't?"

She heard him sigh, then walk over to her. "Have you noticed that ever since I agreed to return, you've been comparing me to the husband you lost in Camlann?"

Slowly, Gwen sat up in bed, clutching a pillow to her chest as if it might give her protection against the pain that she could feel coming. "You are the husband I lost in Camlann."

Slowly, he sat on the bed next to her but didn't touch her. "But I'm not, Guinevere. I'm not the Arthur you lost. Not completely."

The words said out loud pricked her heart. At a loss for words, she stared at him, at the sadness that shadowed his eyes.

Reaching out, Arthur took her hand, turning it around and drawing invisible lines on her palm with his finger. Then he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. "I was thinking about my return from the dead. Without my memories, without all my past experiences, I will never be the Arthur you love so deeply. Are we fooling ourselves?"

Gwen moved, leaning into his warmth and strength, and cupped his face, wanting him to feel her love for him, even as his words chilled her heart. "What brought this on? I thought you were happy here? Being with me, being King."

"I love you, Gwen. I think that as long as I exist, you are the only one for me." He smiled slightly, then kissed her hand again, then slid his fingers between hers. "Do you love me? The person I am now? Or are you in love with the man I was before all this?"

"I love you, Arthur," she said quickly, too quickly she realised when she saw doubt flash in his eyes.

"I know you love the Arthur that I can't remember. I see it in the way you talk about him, the way you look at me sometimes."

"It doesn't mean I don't love you. Maybe you don't call me Guinevere as often. Maybe you wake up earlier than he did. Maybe you have a more realistic view of your father." Gwen tilted her face towards him, placing one hand on his chest. "But inside, you're still the same man – the same honourable, kind and stubborn man I fell in love with. Everything else, even though I forget at times, they don't matter that much."

His blue eyes bore into hers, before he closed the distance and kissed her. With a sigh, Gwen sank into the familiar taste of Arthur, trying to kiss away the doubts she thought he'd overcome. He nibbled her lower lip and desire pooled in her stomach. No matter how messy everything was, this always felt right. As if to prove her point, Arthur groaned, pulled her closer and slid one hand under her nightdress.

He broke the kiss, harsh breaths puffing against her cheek. "If this price that we have to pay is too much, then –"

"No. You promised. Just last night." Her heart beat sped up and she sucked in a calming breath.

"Guinevere –"

She shook her head. "Your child needs you. Camelot needs you. I need you. Whatever we have to do, we will do it." Doubt still clouded his eyes, but he nodded. She reached up to kiss him. "Let's get through today, finalise the new agreement and send all these troublemakers back to their kingdoms."

Arthur flashed a grin. "And be crowned champion of the tournament."

"You're too cocky," laughed Gwen as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Which is another thing that will never change, I fear."

"Never. And you like it that way."

Affection made her heart ache and she smiled up at him. She didn't care what the price was, there was no way she was going to give him up again.

* * *

Beside her, Merlin cheered as Percival easily disarmed his opponent. The tournament was in full swing and like all tournaments, it was a celebration of tentative friendship and sword skills. From her seat, she could see Lord Edward and Lady Joan next to each other. They sat as far as they could without unbolting the chairs from the floor and stayed silent, but Gwen took it as a good sign that they had managed to not kill each other over the past few hours despite being in such close proximity. King Lester, however, had left Camelot immediately after signing the agreement in a huff. He was going to be a problem, but not for a while. Hector had disappeared in the night, too crafty to stay and accept the consequences for his behaviours. The rest of the old council were strangely subdued that morning during the meeting, bowing their heads when Arthur tore into them for the way they had treated her. A smile ghosted her lips as she remembered the scene – Arthur slamming his hand against the round table as he made his point and Merlin's smirk as the council babbled apologies to her.

"With my advice and tactics, of course Percy was going to beat all his opponents," said Arthur smugly as he slapped Percival on the back, distracting Gwen from her thoughts.

She shook her head, her curls flying, at his words and Arthur shot her a heated look. "You might have just given him the tools to defeat you later."

His laugh slid over her skin like warm honey and she smiled. He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "And now I have to leave to prove you wrong. Merlin?"

With a grumble, Merlin followed Arthur to the competitor's tent, leaving Gwen with Amber in the royal box. On tip toes, Amber leaned against the fence and peered down at the knights warmed up as the servants got the arena ready for another round.

"Having fun?"

Eyes gleaming with excitement, Amber nodded. "Is Arthur next?"

"Yes," said Gwen.

"And he'll wear the lucky cloth I gave him?"

"Of course. It's called a token."

Then, Amber started to bounce and point, and Gwen knew that Arthur must have entered the competition arena. Like Amber, she leaned forward to watch him. He looked up, waved at Amber then smiled at her.

"Where's my Pendragon flag?" Amber scurried back to her seat and looked around. "I want to wave it."

"Here. Stop throwing it around or you'll really lose it one day."

But Amber was no longer paying attention to Gwen. Instead, she stood at the edge of the box and waved her flag furiously. With a shake of her head, Gwen leaned back into her chair and rested her hand on her stomach.

A horn sounded and Arthur lifted his sword.

* * *

"Oof!" Amber flung herself at Gwen, apparently the last part of her victory dance after Arthur defeated his opponent. Catching the ball of energy, Gwen lifted Amber in her arms and twirled her around, even as her back winced in protest.

"He won!" screamed Amber into Gwen's ears.

"He did. Do you want to run down to congratulate him?" Gwen set Amber down. She would go down with Amber, only her back was aching. And she didn't want to squeeze through the large crowd that had gathered around him.

As if he knew that she was thinking of him, Arthur looked up and caught her in his gaze. The nod was slight, as was the smile but it was enough to warm her insides. She mouthed her congratulations, then went back to her chair. Arthur frowned slightly, then turned to Merlin.

Within moments, Merlin was at her side, leaning towards her. "Are you all right?"

"Ah, my back hurts. I must have strained it, lifting Amber."

A blink made the disapproval she spied in Merlin's eyes disappear. "Come, let me escort you back to your chambers. Arthur is going to be busy with all the congratulations. I can already see his head getting bigger."

"You're proud of him," said Gwen, as she took the arm Merlin offered.

Merlin just rolled his eyes.

They stopped before Edward and Joan. Polite words were exchanged, mostly about how death hadn't done any harm to Arthur's prowess with the sword. Gwen accepted their muted congratulations and offered her own well-wishes for their travels home the next day.

"We will have a farewell breakfast in the great hall. It is not often that Camelot has the pleasure of your company."

"Pleasure is one way of putting it," said Lady Joan. "I apologise once again for my actions and I hope that Merlin is able to put it right."

A tight smile was all that Gwen was able to muster up. Part of her understood Lady Joan's desperation, but she couldn't shake the sense of dread that filled her whenever she thought of how Arthur's presence was due to dark magic.

Merlin responded curtly, then ushered Gwen back to her chambers.

"Maybe you should stay here," said Merlin as he drew the curtains. "Arthur and I can go alone."

Gwen's first thought was to insist on going. But, her child moved in her, reminding Gwen that she was now responsible for more than herself. Running a hand across her stomach, Gwen nodded. "I wish I could safely travel but I guess it's better if I were here."

"For the child," said Merlin. "And in case there are more political shenanigans."

Gwen scoffed. "Now that news of Arthur's return must have reached all corners of Albion, I doubt anyone will try anything funny in the near future."

"That and the humiliation of King Lester," said Merlin. "Would you like me to get dinner sent up to you?"

"Yes, but not too much, please."

* * *

Arthur tightened his arms around Amber as she nodded off again. He didn't blame her – the dinner the night before ended late and now, the sun had barely risen, and the three of them were riding out. First, to bring Amber back to Helb for a visit with Muriel, then onwards to the Isle of Blessed, hopefully for some answers. Optimistically, this trip would take them away from Gwen and Camelot for about one and a half weeks. He certainly didn't want to stay away too long. Gwen had done enough on her own, without him. He wasn't about to have her go through childbirth without him.

"Are you sure they will give us the answers we want?"

"I hope so," said Merlin. "The Cailleach lied to me when I went to see her, pretended that she knew only a little of your return. In reality, she had allowed Lady Joan to bargain for your return, allowed you to pass back through the veil. She kept Lady Joan in the dark too, I suspect."

"What is the Cailleach playing at?"

"Clearly, Lady Joan wasn't the only one who wanted you back with the living."

"Clearly." But why did the Cailleach want him back? Did she have plans for him? The woods slowly woke up around him, together with Amber who stirred in his arms. Pushing his worries from his mind, Arthur kept up a conversation with Amber.

* * *

"My lord!" Muriel dipped into a clumsy curtsey before she turned her attention to Amber, sweeping her up into a hug. "Amber! You look like you've grown!"

Dinner was a joyous affair and Arthur realised that while he hadn't spent much time thinking about Helb back in Camelot, he quite missed the people there. Amber dominated the conversation at the dinner table, regaling everyone with her adventures in the huge castle. It was obvious that mother and daughter missed each other desperately and Arthur made a note to allow Amber more frequent visits home.

"I know the beds here aren't as fancy as the ones you get back in your castle, but must you really rush off tomorrow morning?"

"There's an errand we need to run and I don't want to leave Gwen alone in Camelot for too long." Arthur took a long drink from the tankard in front of him, letting the cool ale slide down his throat, soothing the disquiet that churned in him.

Muriel crossed her arms and leaned into the table. "You're being mighty secretive about this errand."

"Kingly stuff," said Arthur. "Nothing you should have to worry about."

Muriel snorted, then refilled his tankard. "You're king of the most powerful kingdom. Why would I worry about you? Whatever it is you two are up to, I wish you luck. And thank you for taking such good care of Amber."

"She's been great. I like having her around." And he did. Seeing Amber never failed to put a smile on his face – his relationship with her was uncomplicated and she never demanded more than he could give. Would being a father be like this? His mind drifted to the night before, as he had curled around Gwen, his hand on her round stomach, Gwen's heartbeat echoing his breathing.

"She is," said Muriel. "I hope she builds herself a good life in Camelot."

Reaching out, Arthur placed his hand over Muriel's. "We'll take good care of her."

* * *

The boat really didn't seem like it could take both his and Merlin's weight but they had little choice. In the distance, Arthur could see the looming towers on the Isle of Blessed and the wyverns that protected them.

"You have magic to deal with the wyvern?"

Merlin pushed off, dipping the oars into the dark, swirling water. "They won't give us any trouble, especially since I'm pretty sure the Cailleach is well aware that we are on the way. It is the unwanted visitors that should watch out."

They rowed in silence, the only sounds the distant screech of the wyverns and the gentle lapping of the waves against the creaky, wooden boat. The knot in Arthur's stomach only grew the closer they got to the Isle.

"What do you think is the price for my return?" They were, perhaps, three or four strokes away from shore when Arthur couldn't bear the tension in his chest.

Merlin looked at Arthur, then back out to the Isle. "I don't know."

Arthur yanked on his oar, annoyed that Merlin wouldn't give voice to the fear that had been plaguing him – that his and Gwen's child would be the price of his return. "We'll find out soon."

The wyverns swooped and circled but as Merlin predicted, they left them alone to walk along gravel and mud towards the large, empty hall that stood between the two towers. Even without magic, Arthur could feel something that was not of this world in the air. Rubble was strewn all over – broken pillars, abandoned armour, ghosts of those who had come and never left - and the temperatures dipped as they approached.

By the time, they stood in front of the pedestal that dominated the room, Arthur had to rub his hands together to warm them up. His breath made patterns in the air and he watched warily as Merlin stepped forward, raised his arms and muttered something in a language he'd never heard before.

The winds picked up, and Arthur tugged his cloak tighter around his shoulders. The wyverns stopped screeching, plunging them all into an unnatural silence, one so taut that Arthur feared moving. He stared at the podium and the air that shimmered above it – blue and red – it finally widened and an old woman stepped through.

"Emrys. And the returned Arthur."

She was old, wrinkled and hunched over, yet, as sure as he knew how he felt about Gwen, Arthur was certain that inside that body, the Cailleach held great power.

"You colluded with Lady Joan. The magic of her kingdom is not enough to return the dead."

Arthur watched Merlin, one hand on his sword, even though he knew that his sword alone was not enough to fend off any magic that the Cailleach might direct towards them. Standing in front of the Cailleach, Merlin looked larger, more confident than he was back in Camelot.

A bony hand reached out. "It was Lady Joan's request."

"You're not in the habit of granting everybody's request, especially not one that messes with the fabric of nature. You wanted to bring Arthur back and Lady Joan was just convenient."

The noise that emitted from the Cailleach was likely a laugh, but it was cold and unnatural, sending shivers down Arthur's spine. He took hold of the hilt of his sword.

"Have you come to pay the price?" She offered no explanation. "If Arthur means to stay, he needs to pay. Or he can return from where he came."

"What is the price?"

"Have you forgotten already? A life for a life. It is the way of magic. Even I cannot change that." From beneath the hood that kept her face hidden, she smiled. "I believe that there is a new life on the way."

"No." Arthur stepped forward. "Leave my child alone."

"Then whose life would you sacrifice to keep your own?"

Merlin caught his eyes and Arthur shook his head. He wanted to stay. He wanted desperately to stay, to be with Gwen. He had promised but to condemn someone else to death.

"Take me," said Merlin, as he stepped forward. "I will –"

"Have you lost your mind?" Arthur lunged towards him. "Gwen will never –"

They fell to the ground. Merlin might be Albion's greatest wizard, but he was also useless at anything physical and Arthur quickly wrestled him down, pinning him down. "Whose life are you going to sacrifice? With peace in Albion, there is no need for me."

"Fool!" For good measure, Arthur smacked Merlin's head. "You have to see your godchild grow up, ensure that people don't use magic for the wrong reasons and lots of other things!"

"You're not dying again. I watched it once. I am not watching it again."

"So, your solution is to make me watch you die?"

Merlin stopped struggling. "Wait. I have an idea."

Pushing Arthur off him, Merlin stood.

"That was very touching," said the Cailleach. "Unfortunately, I still need a life as a price."

"You already took it," said Merlin. His hair was a mess and his sleeve, torn. But he stood in front of the Cailleach, confidence radiating from him. "You took Arthur's previous life – his memories. A life for a life. Arthur's old life for his new one."

"No." For the first time, the Cailleach looked taken aback, as if she was no longer in full control.

"Even you cannot go against the laws of magic," said Merlin. He must have noticed the hesitation because he took another step forward and looked up to the sky. "We give up Arthur's memories forever. Now, leave us alone."

Even the Cailleach's sigh sent goosebumps skittling across his skin. Arthur couldn't see her eyes but he could feel them boring into him, hard and cold. "They agree. It is done."

Gwen stared at herself in the mirror. For months, she barely showed and suddenly in a matter of weeks, her stomach seemed to have doubled in size.

"Guinevere?" Percy popped his head around the door. "They are arriving."

"Is Arthur with them?"

Percy smiled and offered her an arm. "At the head. Shall we?"

Slipping her arm around Percy's, Gwen nodded. "Let's go."

On the steps to the castle, Gwen stood, watching as the horses galloped in. Arthur and Amber on one, Merlin on another. Arthur was laughing with Amber and whatever tension that had wrapped itself around her the whole week eased.

Arthur dismounted easily, lifting Amber off the horse, then setting her on the ground. The moment her feet touched the ground, Amber rushed to Gwen, stopping just in front of her.

"You're bigger!"

Bending as much as she could, Gwen touched Amber's cheek gently. "I am."

"Will it burst?"

Gwen took Amber's hand. "No, I hope not!"

"What are you hoping won't happen?" Arthur was suddenly next to her, the horses left to the stable hands. His lips brushed her cheek. "I missed you."

"Is everything alright?"

"I think so." Arthur leaned his forehead against hers as he moved his hands to hold her hips. "I think so."

"It's over? You're back for good?"

His hands moved to cup her cheeks. "It's all good."

She closed the slight distance, ignoring Amber's grumbles, and kissed Arthur. Against her lips, she felt Arthur smile before he deepened the kiss, pulling her as close to him as her stomach allowed.


	28. Epilogue

When she opened her eyes, Arthur and Merlin were standing next to the window in a quiet yet clearly passionate argument. Movement drew her attention away from the two men to the crib beside her bed.

"He is still sleeping," said Amber. "He sleeps all the time. He's boring."

"Come here," said Gwen reaching for Amber. "How about you tell me all about your day. And when the baby wakes, you can help me clean him."

Amber took one last look at the sleeping baby, then scrambled up on the bed and snuggled into Gwen's side.

"You're awake!" Arthur turned from the window.

"What are the two of you discussing? Should I be part of it?"

"I was just telling Arthur, that being godfather of this little cutie, I should be allowed a say in his name."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I have no idea why he thinks he's godfather. Did you ask him?"

"No." Gwen pressed her lips together, trying not to smile. "Did you have a suggestion for a name?"

"I was thinking Merlin makes a good name."

Arthur's eyes were narrowed now, and his hands were on his hips. Gwen couldn't resist. "Merlin is quite a good name. What do you think, Amber?"

Arthur scowled and Gwen grinned at him. "We are not calling our son, Merlin. One Merlin in my life is enough."

"I think he should be called Amhar."

Gwen smoothed Amber's hair. "Why Amhar? It's a pretty name."

"He was my best friend until he left. If we call the baby Amhar, he can be my new best friend!" Amber stood on the bed and peered at the crib again. Then she turned her large eyes on Gwen. "Please? I'll be nice to him even though he's boring."

Gwen pulled Amber back down. "I guess it's decided then. We'll call him Amhar."

"Amhar is a good name," agreed Arthur. He bent over the crib and touched Amhar on the cheek.

"I'm still godfather though. You promised."

"Can I carry him when he wakes up?" Amber leaned against Gwen.

"Just don't teach my son any nonsense," said Arthur as he tossed a pillow at Merlin. A thin cry filled the room. "See, you've woken him up."

As Arthur placed the screaming Amhar into her arms so she could feed him, he brushed a kiss across her lips.

"I think that's my cue to leave," said Merlin, pushing himself from the window still he was leaning against.

"Trust you to go running when the baby cries," muttered Arthur.

"Come on, Amber. Let's give them some time alone with the crying baby." Merlin gave them a little wave, then took Amber's hand. "See you at dinner."

Then, Amhar was at her breast, suckling, as Arthur climbed into bed beside her, sliding an arm around her bare shoulders. He kissed her forehead, then her cheek, before kissing Amhar's tiny feet.

"I love you two," he murmured.

"We love you, too," said Gwen as she leaned into Arthur's embrace. "So much."

* * *

AN: Thank you so much to those of you who stayed with this all the way through. And thank you to all of you who commented. :)


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